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A hypothetical moral dilemma:
Dan melody are dating, Dan ask Melody" are you on birth control?"
Melody says" no problem I have it all taken care of".
Melody asked Dan" would you like to get married and have kids?"
Dan says" no I don't want to get married and I don't want to have kids"
time passes they move in together Dan notices there's no birth control pills, Dan's not worried 10 years ago he had a vasectomy.
they live together for 5 years and Melody asks" I wonder why I'm not pregnant".
Dan says" I told you I never wanted to get married and I never wanted to have kids".
should Dan have told Melody about his vasectomy?

m16566 7 June 13
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41 comments (26 - 41)

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3

Melanie was trying to trap him into being a father, even though he had made it clear he did not want that.

But, why would he have asked that in the first place if he knew his dip stick was snipped?

Still. "I have it all taken care of" He heard that she was also not interested in having children at this point.

When actually "taken are of" to her, was to make him a father against his wishes.

If she'd have said, "No" to being on BC he probably would have said he'd had a vasectomy.

a reason why Dan might have ask about birth control in the beginning to determine if Melody was willing to lie this is a common scenario.

3

Yes, he should.

3

Snafu ever deceiving each other

bobwjr Level 10 June 14, 2019
3

Sounds like neither one was completely honest.

dkp93 Level 8 June 13, 2019

I don't understand how anyone can think that Dan was being dishonest.
He expressed his feelings right from the start.

2

Yeah, the question looks to paint the woman in a bad light. But it is also ignorant of the facts about birth control.

  1. Melody well could have been taking birth control for a number of years and quit. The fact that she did not tell Dan she could get pregnant later in their relationship is a bit problematic but no more so than Dan’s original lie of omission.

  2. When first asked, Melody could have had a birth control implant. There won’t be any pills.

  3. Or she could have been on birth control and Dan never noticed.

  4. Or, Melody could have had an IUD.

So, it is entirely possible that Melody was on birth control but that there could never have been any birth control pills.

But, there is an upside, Dan now knows that Melody has probably been faithful to him.

Yes, Dan should have been honest about his vasectomy up front. He had reason to expect that she would want children in the future.

@Gwendolyn2018 LOL. Thank you.

Why are making stuff up to defend this woman? She also could have had a tubal ligation. Let's say you and I are best friends and you ask me to do something very important for you and I say I took care of it. Would it be ok with you if it came back to bite you next week? I took care of it means permanently not for the time being.

@Anonbene First, it is a hypothetical question. Second, we are talking years later, when situations change, not a week later. Third, asking about birth control implies he is concerned about her getting pregnant. An individual that has an extra lushes vasectomy would not be concerned about that possibility.

His question creates a false impression. And, yes, she could be on birth control. A woman that has taken care of the possibility has either had a hysterectomy or her tubes tied. Her reply to a question of birth control would likely reflect that.

And, to your comment specifically, you can think you have taken care of something only to find out that you hadn’t. Examples of which include repairs which fix the symptoms but not the underlying conditions. Or, agreements with third parties where the third party goes back on their word. .

2

I've had a vasectomy, I would have to say that I would be upfront and honest about it.

@Ms_McSteven I guess it worked out well for him and you 😁

2

Not unless she asked.

2

Yes, he should have by saying "...I don't want to have kids, so much so that I had a vasectomy X# of years ago." But that's neither here nor there as Melody was obviously trying to deceitfully have a child with Dan the whole time, so she has no moral leg to stand on regardless of how the scenario plays out from here, basically making his not telling her sooner a moot point of contention.

2

Dan should have told her about the vasectomy, but was up-front and honest about not wanting to have kids... a vasectomy is a simple/obvious way for a guy to make sure of it.

On the other hand, Melody knew Dan didn't want kids, and actively tried to have one with him anyway... for years.

Long term, how does reproduction thru deception compare to reproduction thru force?

And it's a situation you see/hear in real life, quite often... girlfriend is on birth control early in relationship, then stops without telling partner. It's a fundamentally life changing event for both, and the children.

Does Dan not want kids because of simple financial concerns, or is there a family history of genetic problems? There's probably a good reason he doesn't want kids... good enough to take serious action to prevent it. And she didn't even discuss it with him.

camne Level 7 June 14, 2019

Honestly, doesn't even have to be a "good" reason... any reason that is good enough for Dan is good enough. He doesn't want kids. End of story. And, as you said, he was totally up front about it, so the vasectomy is a moot point.

1

Not really a dilemma. No marriage and no kids seems to cover it ... for now

1

No.....she lied to him about pills his lie of omission fits their fornicating lifestyle

1

Of COURSE he should have told her! She clearly implied she might want to have kids, and thus deserved having the option to choose another partner who might share her desire to have kids.

why? He already told her he didn't want to have kids.

@m16566 There is the chance he could change his mind though. She deserves the choice. For all we know, he didn't tell her because he knew she might not want to partner with him.

"Implied" where did you get that from? So we are supposed to read their minds now and do their thinking for them?

Does the statement I've taken care of that mean something permanent or temporary to you?

1

Yes, he should have told her.

why? He already told her he didn't want to have kids.

@m16566 Because when one moves in together perceptions change.

1

Like a radio talk show woman bar hostess talks about how she cheated with black bartender and was pregnant by him or white fiancee was going to wait for delivery in case baby was mixed race

bobwjr Level 10 June 14, 2019
1

He should have and she that she wasn't on birth control if she wasn't.

MsAl Level 8 June 14, 2019
0

Yes. Important information when you get tonhaving sex

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