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Disclaimer: the following is based on several years of personal experience with online dating and are my opinions and observations only. Don't get butt-hurt because you disagree with them. 🙄

I have been doing the online dating thing for almost three years. I have come to the conclusion that it is an absolute exercise in futility at my age and especially my body type.

The absolute worst thing (IME) that a woman can be it seems, is curvy. Ok fat. Heaven forbid a woman should actually look like a woman is supposed to. 🙄 The next thing a woman can never be is intelligent, articulate and well-spoken, or sexually open, especially not more than a man and most particularly within my age bracket. That is grounds for immediate dismissal and judgement. Also not wishing to co-habitate or be financially controlled by a man, seem to be red flags. If, as a woman of my age, you enjoy "manly" pursuits such as sports, 4x4ing, ziplining, kayaking, fishing, and mechanics, well that seems to be taboo as well. And if you are not a jealous person and WANT your man to spend time with his friends so that he comes home to you happy, that is an issue as well?? Not wanting to be suffocated, desiring a partner to walk through life, share life's experiences and make memories with, seems to be a problem as well. Or perhaps is just a combination of all of the above? Oh and let's not forget the purple hair. For some reason how I choose to wear my hair to please MYSELF and NO ONE else, is an issue for men my age. I have zero issues attracting 30 year olds. 🙄

For men, it seems that the worst thing for them is to be short. Which is ridiculous because they have ZERO control over that. Sadly most men think it's about their hair and take great pains to keep what little of it they have left. This is a massive turn off for most women. Embrace the baldness for the love of Pete! Other than that, again IME, men seem to be able to re-partner after a split on average, in about 6 months.

The biggest problem is really that online dating is 100% superficial. Based entirely upon a 1 second view of a picture on a screen. If you manage to make it past that and a conversation ensues, then there always seems to be confusion with intent in the written word or the sharing of pictures, and ghosting ensues. Ghosting, IMO, is the cruelest and most ignorant thing anyone can do to the other person, and shows a lack of integrity that to me is abhorrent. If you do this, or have ever done it, grow up! Unless someone is being a stalker, and even then, have the decency to tell them straight up you are not interested, before you block them and call the authorities!

So in the end, I do really think meeting a compatible, life partner online is about as likely as getting struck by lightening.

Thoughts?

kodimerlyn 6 July 3
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35 comments (26 - 35)

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1

There have been some people that have been hit by lightning multiple times in their lifetime. My wife's 5'2" and I'm going to say 145-150 I'm 5'10" when we met I was pushing 210 to 215 I'm now at 165 her strengths are my weaknesses her weaknesses are my strengths. "Never give up, never surrender!"
Quincy Taggart, NSEA Protector.

1

Your 3rd paragraph describes my wife fairly well, and we meet here. So do with that as you will.

Trying to meet the right person sucks, online or off. Good luck!

1of5 Level 8 July 3, 2019

@kodimerlyn I'm saying a woman nearly exactly as you described had success in online dating. It can and does happen.

If it were easy to meet the right person offline, online dating wouldn't even exist. Finding a partner can be tough no matter how you look for them. I hope you find one, because it's fairly awesome when it happens.

0

Consider some purely structural or statistical influences and you might save yourself a lot of unrealized expectations. Females are superior in many general ways; particularly in their ability to overcome things like deprivation, disease, abuse and betrayal and still maintain better balance than males suffering through similar experiences. We don't, again generally, live as long or as healthy lives as females for many reasons not worth listing here. I really believe that testosterone seriously interferes with sound judgment and what Nature hasn't taken from us in physiological resiliency, testosterone deprives us of in common sense.

All this means is that you females are more than we are to begin with. We do reckless things and take chances with our lives in many more ways than you and the price is attrition. By middle age, you vastly outnumber those of us still surviving and the most balanced and functional of our sex, for the most part have been captivated by 'love and marriage'. By senior years what is available to choose from could be, again generally, considered not only bad in terms of odds but odd in terms of goods.

"So in the end, I do really think meeting a compatible, life partner online is about as likely as getting struck by lightening." Yes, you've arrived at a very sound conclusion. Take solace perhaps in the fact that at least SOME PEOPLE do actually get struck by lightning but, as I'm fond of also saying, that the last train has most likely 'left the station' for the most deserving among us; that would be women.

0

I realize this doesnt help any..
But you sound like an ideal women to me?
Maybe give up on the online dating, but don't give up on dating in general.

0

Wow I admire your online dating sites explanation and I'm agree with you. For these reasons I'm still single and marry with myself. I'm find with my life and I think its better be safe alone than sorry with a selfish abuser.

0

Hooking up again in 6 months is not exactly my thing. Last night on an Online site someone was trying to catfish me. (I had to look that up once to see what it was but I'm sure there are different types of it.)

One thing that bothers me as a male is all the men who have to have women shorter than they are. Why? I don't care if you are 6' 2". Men are also bothered if a woman makes more money than they do. Again, I do not personally see why.

0

I hear ya, sister. But where do we go from here? How do we break through and find the wonderful single men who are out there? I know they are because I’ve met great married guys, and they can’t be unicorns.

UUNJ Level 8 July 5, 2019
0

Dating at our age is hard. Online dating can make you crazy. There are organized crime syndicates in Nigeria and Russia that target women in developed countries. Their targetss are women over 50 who are widowed or divorced, overweight and especially if disabled. I am all of those.
80% of the guys who contact me are scammers. Another 15% just want a fwb or nsa. I have gotten pretty good at spotting them and have developed a set of rules to help me spot them.
My husband left 3 years ago and I would love to find a partner. For a while I was really frustrated, but I finally realized that I would rather be alone than be in another abusive relationship.
If the right guy is out there that would be wonderful. In the meantime I am building a life and Learning to be ok alone.

What is an nsa? That's a new one on me....

@TomMcGiverin no strings attached.

0

Almost everything you stated is beyond absolutely true!

There are so many, in fact most of the women on these so called dating sites are nothing but White Knight, Prince Charming hunters!

The vast majority especially the ones over fifty want a overt good looking, wealthy, Lap dog kiss ass, who is has the body and stamina of twenty year old!

When in reality Elvis left the building a long time ago, and died a long time ago for them!

I wish that was an exaggeration, but the reality is stranger than the fictional myths about men or women for that matter!

I have been divorced since 1990 met some nice ladies, the majority turned out to mental cases within varying degrees of plausible insane!

The biggest myth is the soul mate for everyone!

Next myth is you have to be in a relationship to be happy and whole as an individual!

Men do not have much more room in the wanting and expecting category either!

So to quote you sorta of!

Finding the one for your forever life partner is like seeing peace in the Middle East!

@IrishTxJudy
Funny how so many are bitter themselves, hence read. Bitter into everyone else's thoughts!

Obviously unless you have had a total lobotomy a person who is one third or half of you age is going to see you inner stuff an save you!
LOL!

With so many not in a relationship and single in this country one would think those married or in a relationship to have some sort plague in which every one should have!

All dates sites due is promise us some sort of happiness, while the corporations that own the sites laugh all the way to bank, nothing like technological smoke and mirrors!

I am alone, not lonely!

0

I don't have any advice. I have actually only had one date from a dating site and was stood up twice. I deleted my profile after 2 weeks. I'll admit that I only deleted because my profile was hacked, but it gave me a good reason to get out.

Now, I have met people through sites that aren't specifically geared towards dating, and I've gotten pretty much the same results you did. I would say try finding local groups focused on your interests, but who wants dating advice from an old divorced loner?

JimG Level 8 July 3, 2019
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