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Well...my husband and I have decided to divorce because he’s become a devout Christian. It got so bad that he’s rejected ALL secular music and only listens to gospel and sermons all day every day. I can’t stand the person he’s become since he ‘found god’ two months ago so I moved all my stuff out. I’m devastated and I feel hurt because he’s a completely different guy now. I’m hoping I have the strength to get through this

KMarie123 4 Sep 29
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75 comments

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1

You do have the strength but it will take time. It's a shame that it came to this. Sometimes delusions are very strong.

9

Yes. Get out.

Life is too precious to spend your next 50-60+ years being miserable.

8

Religion poisons everything.

7

You're doing the right thing. Overtly religious people and secular people don't mix.

6

YOU GOT THIS. it is better to be at peace and single than married and miserable.

6

Time will give you the strength to move on and a different and better life awaits you.

6

Sorry to hear about your troubles, you have my sympathies as I had a similar thing at about your age. If you do decide to go with divorce, get a lawyer. Any communications go through the lawyer (or they are present). Emotions run high and religion (church) may make him want to hurt you for hurting his god. Its worth the cost for peace of mind and not getting raked over the coals in court. Sounds harsh, but this is about dissolving a contract now. Love is grand for poets and all, but as they say, "nothing personal, it's just business."
Until then, get support for the emotional roller coaster you are likely to go through for a while.

6

I am terribly sorry. It is painful no matter how young you are or how short your marriage. Please take care of yourself, be kind to yourself. That will be very important in the days to come.

6

So very sorry for your loss, and yes, I mean loss.
I have no doubt how painful this is for you.
Please know you can come here for support.
Feel free to message me if you need a shoulder.
You ARE going to be okay. Of that, I am sure.

5

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. You will find the strength you need as you go along, I'm sure. From someone who has been divorced for five years, I can tell you things will get better.

5

"gospel and sermons all day every day". you have a strong case for mental cruelty.

5

You are better off being alone than with someone who is gullible to believe that all his problems (and I'm guessing he had plenty before his 'conversion'😉 will be solved by gods. Be happy.

5

Congratulations on knowing when enough is enough and getting out. It does get easier as time goes by. It's ok to get a therapist or join a support group or if those make things worse, watch a lot of movies and get a hair keratin treatment. A lot of people here have gone through something similar and will be ready to listen.

5

You're not the only one. Mine was coverted to 'Born Again Evangelist' and travels to a church in another nearby State every Sunday. He's been brainwashed to believe in God, Guns and Trump. We live separate lives.
Wish you well.

5

I know it feels like he's a different person from whom you married, but he's not. He's just showing you who he really is, another side to him that's existed all along. Short of a brain injury, nobody changes so radically in a period of a couple of months. It doesn't take the pain away now, but in the long run you'll be glad this happened early in your marriage rather than lying dormant for many years and then emerging. Good luck.

I don't know that there's any comfort in the knowledge, but I think you probably summarized this the most accurately. What a shame.

Although, there might be some medical conditions that would cause a change like that. A brain tumor for example.

@bingst True, but I'd consider that a form of brain injury.

4

I am so sorry that you had to end your marriage. Sometimes, there is no way that a couple can stay together. I left my ex-husband after 22 years of marriage. The divorce was difficult for me, but I am glad I did it. No Regrets

Wow. That had to be tough. I'm very glad you are doing better! I also love the user name you've chosen. 🙂

That’s how I feel. There’s just no way we could be married anymore. We’re two different people now and he’s not going to change

4

So sorry to hear. Just remember to use logic and common sense and you will see clearly that his change and obsession to religion is his issue and pushing such things on others (esp a marriage partner) is not fair. Relationships are dynamic and when one abuses the relationship in such a way...it is no failure on your part for going separate ways. Best wishes for the future!

4

I'm sorry this happened, but it's nice that you are young and can start over fresh. Life is full of changes.

4

I completely understand because this is a big part of what happened in my marriage except it wasn't religion that polluted my spouse's mind, it was conservatism. The outcome was the same though; she became a person I could barely recognize and with whom I was no longer compatible.

I get that people will change some over the years but it's a tragedy when they change into a completely different person, one you would never have married had they been that way to begin with.

Politics and religion are two of the worst ideas mankind ever came up with -- they can even destroy love and marriage. It left me very angry, very sad, and deeply depressed.

The third worst idea is fast food but no one's marriage ever imploded because of Burger King.

At any rate, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Message me if you need someone to talk to who's been through it.

Thank you so much

4

You guys are young. I don't know how long you've been married but I suspect you're more "fully formed" psychologically than your husband. It's a case of growing apart. You aren't the first, and won't be the last, couple broken up by controlling, authoritarian religious sects. If they can invade things like your sex life and close family relationships, then they have many fulcrums of control.

Coming, as you do, out of the JWs, I don't blame you for running for the hills. You really don't need to go through something like that again to preserve a marriage with someone who clearly doesn't respect your personal space.

I'm inclined to agree with some others here that your husband is not changing so much as that he has found who he truly was all along and perhaps didn't know himself. There's a reason he's been attracted to this cultish group.

All things being equal I'd suggest you consider giving yourself a few years, post-marriage, to really figure yourself and your life out before getting serious with someone again. The average age of marriage these days is somewhere around 28. I married for the first time at 19 and wish I had not jumped the gun like that. I didn't really know myself or how to evaluate a life partner, and the results were disastrous. At least, it appears, children aren't in the mix here, and unlike me, you aren't going to dither for 15 years before you cut your losses.

Hang in there and be strong.

4

People change. I did the opposite to my ex wife, became a athiest on her. My best friend has gone off the Christian deep end. You will be able to weather things. Just a process right now.

4

Sounds awful, sorry to hear that, it doesn't get any closer than that to home. I have a brother that changed to a pretty devout Christian a few years ago. Boy did he spend a day yelling at me, being disrespectful, trying to convince me that I should see things his way. He cheated on two wives many time over and other long term relationships and owed money to people and I, the atheist, was the bad guy, the heathen who did none of these illicit things...

atouk Level 5 Sep 30, 2019

Is he a GOP member?

@chucklesIII
Yes. He's a GOP member..

Sounds like my self-righteous, Trump-loving, hypocrite Xtian brother. He yelled at me for an hour recently after I had been in the hospital : all kinds of horrible things, but basically that I was getting what I deserved(broke, alone, chronically AND acutely ill, poor, and on the verge of homelessness) because I had turned my back on God. 🙄🙄 Asshole.

@CarolinaGirl60 , sorry to say this but he sounds like a real piece of shit.

4

You made the right decision

bobwjr Level 10 Sep 30, 2019
4

Have you scheduled an exam with his doctor? A radical deviation may be a sign of a medical problem. You will find the strength and I think it is important to rule out a mental or physical condition if the shift occurred so rapidly. Best wishes.

No I haven’t even thought of that. Great idea

4

You’re right leaving a partner who can’t keep his promises. The worst part is over and you can begin again hopefully with someone who will love you above everything else.

4

This was painful to read. I cannot imagine what you’re going through. It sounds like you’re making the right choice, however difficult it is. The transition is hard and it hurts, but hang in there. There is life (and love) on the other side. <<hugs>>

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