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Today, the elderly retired pastor that mentors the church some of my family attend, invited me to church next week. I went to that church 27 years, as was very, very active. Haven't been there in six years, yet I still have nightmares about. I wish I could say everything that's in my mind.

AbramH85 6 Oct 13
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24 comments

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11

You don't have to go.
You ARE allowed to say "no".
You do not owe anyone an explanation.
It's okay to refuse the invitation.
Really. It's okay.

I expected a little harsher response from you .

@Besalbub Not everything I post is harsh.
Jeez.
LOL

8

What would you hope to gain from attending? Unless you find a benefit for you attending, it seems to me you are just setting yourself up for, at best, wasting your time and perhaps reenforcing your nightmares.

7

I see no reason to waste a Sunday morning.

Sunday morning is best time to grocery shop.

7

Hmmm, sounds like a similar thing I copped many years ago.
A pastor from one the local 'born again' type churches tried inviting me to attend but really shied away from it when I replied with, " Okay, but can I give the sermon?"

7

Just say "Thank you, Padre, but I'll have ti pass. How about we get lunch?"

Just treat it like any other event that you don't want to attend, but offer plans for something else.

You're still friendly and engaged in the friendship. Cant ask for more than that.

6

You are better off not going to the church. Let the past be just that, the past.

5

You are among friends here...you can unload to us if and when you feel like it. I take it you have declined this invitation to return to church next week...or have you?

4

They never give up. I have an Aunt like that. We can have a very good relationship when she doesn’t bring up religion but she keeps trying.

3

The only reason I go to a church setting now is for funerals, particularily family funerals (devout catholic family). And if I were invited to a baptism of someone locally. I would make up an excuse/lie on the spot of why I can't go for a long time (probably work-related) and tell him maybe one day, upon which he would probably forget about me and our encounter... though I live in a big city so for a pastor to remember individuals they have to be regular attendees/congregants.

3

He's digging deeply in the membership roles.

That church membership must be slipping badly.

Yes they are.
I baffled how they never asks themselves why people leave, or they never ask what are we doing or teaching that's causing people to leave.

@AbramH85 Make it something people look forward to doing every week.

As bad as some of it was, I did sort of enjoy some other parts of that community.

Just never trust the potato salad.

3

I simply would not go. IF for some reason i did end up in a church today I would have to get up and leave once they started in with that garbage from years ago.

3

Hope you aren't going to go

3

Sending a virtual hug

3

I found that it often better to say nothing rather than open the floodgates, if you need to talk about it, find a safe place to open up.

2

Why can't you?

That's a good question.
I also question why they never asked me why I left.

@AbramH85 That is one question they will not ask you, they don't want the answer. Just like an ostrich with its head in the sand they are.

2

"Nightmares"? Get some counseling!

2

Say it all here and rehearse for your fine bullet point delivery to all the cultists who harmed you....stay on message and don't rationalize or agree with any of their replies....faith is evil and 100% worthless....zero alleged gawds make harmful religions ok REGARDLESS of alleged good intentions

2

It's hard but when family is involved try going to refresh why you left be polite they sounded like nice people not fanatics, fanatics I treat with sarcasm and derision trumpers I treat with contempt

bobwjr Level 10 Oct 15, 2019
2

Say whatever you want. See how polite the clergy is what they mention atheists.

zesty Level 7 Oct 15, 2019
1

Venting is beneficial, but it is of no benefit to ruminate on the past. One can only learn & happily move on.

1

Do tell !!

1

Do tell!!!!

0

It's the same type of dream I keep having. I dream I'm at church service, and suddenly I'm overcome by a sense of urgency. I try to warn everyone of a danger, and that they need to move to a safe place. But know one hears my warning, they don't turn around, they continue singing. When I finally stop trying to get their attention. Everyone turns to look at me with wide eyed, glazed look over their eyes, like something from the twilight zone. After that I'm overcome by trmendous fear and shame.

0

You can do so. It can be therapeutic.

Deb57 Level 8 Oct 15, 2019
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