I have 31 years, 23 in AA, and a life long recovery advocate. AA didn't get me sober the people did. The 12 steps have a bad track record, control groups given a placebo have better results--and that is no joke. 11 of the steps focuse on what's wrong with you (shame based). You're time would be better spent building on what's right about you. I have learned the best predictor of success is an unwavering desire to be sober and the ability to build a meaningful life. 2 secular groups are Lifering and SMART. Both are great for meeting new people.

It seems like there are a lot of members here with good advice and experience. I wonder if you couldn't look for one or more you admire and see if they would be willing to be there for you to help you get through this.

You might give “rational recovery” a try, the drawback being that you don’t have a support group as with 12 step “recovery”

Instead of sugar coating the concept of god into a "higher power", maybe consider this as an explanation. The higher power is what represents the strength you can draw from something outside yourself. Maybe wanting to be an example for children is a higher power, maybe wanting to further your education, maybe expanding work opportunities, maybe personal goals for growth. To me, the higher power concept was a scape goat for not trying to change behavior. Set small, short term goals, then achieve them. Set new goals, and achieve them. As you successively set and achieve goals you can grow in recovery without a boogie man. Start with something simple, like "recognizing triggers" and writing them down. Work up to preventing those triggers from spiraling into relapse. Continue to make changes that both avoid triggers and change them to be growth points instead of stumbling blocks. It can be a rough road, but life is better when you can live unshackled to substances or people. If you were a heavy user, there's a lot of reminders of what "used to be". A lot of lifestyle changes that need to be put in place to avoid going back. Best of luck! If you need someone to chat with, hit me up. I've been through a lot and can listen. I work 50% nights, so there is no "too late".

Knowing there isn't a god helps me appreciate living more in a way I don't want to damage myself with drugs and alcohol. But it's still hard. Good luck!!

Where does it say the "higher power" has to be sentient... Statistical probability is a higher power. I think the point of that step is for you to be able to accept that sometimes shit happens, that you aren't in control of. A lot of people have trouble with their recovery because the cause of their addiction was something beyond their control eg "I started drinking because I lost my wife in a car accident."... The car accident was the hand of a higher power, the addiction? The person unable to accept the grief/trauma/coping mechanism, turns to the addiction... You know? Like the serenity prayer.

A possible way around it is to reframe ‘high power’ to something that resonates with you.

It’s not an objective idea that is being referred to

12 Step Programs have a book or pamphlet for the atheist. I have no idea what it says, but it might br a resource for you.

Good luck! My father and grandfather each fought most of their lives.
It sounds like you're serious and working forward and I wish I could help.

Not all AA is religious, my brother is a counselor in one and his group is mostly atheist. Perhaps there might be a group near you, ask your sponsor.

Can you think of the "higher power" as your best self?

Do some more research. AA is in the 20s for success.

Yet, there is something helpful to throwing the blame upon your genetics and heritage. And rightly so. You did not get to choose your parents.

What you were taught, and not taught, was NOT your fault. Blame those who brought you here and now.

They call that god. Let em. But you know better.

I was a member of AA for 25 years and wouldn't be sober today if I wasn't. I was religious when I started the program, but changed my beliefs over the years. The last few years that I attended meetings, I was an atheist but I had a wonderful group. I considered them my friends, and we had developed a kinship through the years.
I wouldn't take anything for the experience.
A few years ago it seems like politics changed the group, like it has changed other groups including my family. I stopped going to meetings, but I stay in contact with many of the friends I met there. Most of the negatives you hear about AA are from people who never were members. I have nothing bad to say about it at all. You don't have to have a god as a higher power. You can use the shared strength of the group, which is what most of the people I was friends with did.

Wish I knew but hang in until you succeed

You are the higher power. They teach you to focus.

#12 steps to cult. Cold turkey is one step to badass.