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Yeah, like I want to be told by an 81 year old atheist in a PM that he hasn't had sex in a year.

What is it with some men?

Gwendolyn2018 8 Nov 17

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Only a year?? Lucky sod!!! 😂🤣


He's 81 and had sex a year ago? I'm 66 and haven't had sex in almost a year. Lucky old coot🤣🤣🤣

His wife died about a year ago--I assume the sexual contact was not with her. At least, I hope not.


This is 100% the stupid illusion that most porn, and a good chunk of the sex work industry (from exotic dancers to escorts to professional BDSM) sells... a man just has to say he has needs (or, you know, wink wink nod nod, be "present" ), and women will be overcome with their desire to be of service. I mean, what could be more gratifying?

If theyre relationship material they will leave a bunch of cleaning supplies around, for us to use after theyre done.

I have been around the block and I agree with the concept that some men are so obsessed with their penises that they women will also be obsessed with them--especially single women. I didn't consider that it is a by-product of porn/sex industry, but I can see it.

I have had more married men whom I can count tell me that their wives are "not giving" them what they need and they assume that I care and will fulfill their "needs." My answer to them is, "If your wife doesn't want to have sex with you, why would I?"

@Gwendolyn2018 i don't think its a byproduct, its an already existing thing that the sex industry exploits quite successfully. But to the detriment of women over all.

@Burner I agree what that! For millennia, women have been expected to "put out."

@Burner I have a comment and I hope it is appropriate. My father once told me, after the divorce, something like, "women basically like sex, they want it all the time, I must help them, it is my religious duty." I knew my father had problems and was a jerk, lier, and a number of other things. I have tried to show respect for all people no matter the circumstance. What I wanted to say is that there are men who only think of sex and how they can get it. Attorney General Barr referred this by mentioning the game he played in college. A game where the goal was to get a woman drunk then has sex with her. Once she is adequately drunk she will not know what happened and everyone will be able to deny the act. Some men are pigs, no disrespect to pigs, we need to get past this and treat people better and with respect.


so you out him and begin the ridicule? nice empathy.

Empathy? I have no empathy for a man of any age who, out of the blue, suddenly tells a woman that he hasn't had sex. It is even worse when it is a woman whom he does not know.

Empathy? Hell, I don't even have sympathy for him. His lack of a sexual partner is his problem, not mine. I might have a measure of sympathy for someone who is lonely, but that is different from not having sex.

His revelation was inappropriate.

@Gwendolyn2018 I,I,I,I,I ... perhaps the world's not all about you gwendolyn?

@JeffMesser You are right: the world is not all about me. However, this was a specific, unsolicited comment to ME. This man's desire for sex and his assumption that I would be interested or care about his lack of sex made it all about HIM. You are preaching to the wrong person.

The world does not care if he has not had sex, either.

@Gwendolyn2018 no, I am preaching to exactly the right person. If you can't formulate the slightest amount of empathy for someone being honest and forthcoming then you're little more than an animal yourself. and a selfish one at that. please stay single so you don't drive others to depression.

@JeffMesser why would you think anyone deserves empathy? And even if they did (we may have to respectfully disagree), why would this guy have more rights than Ms G?

@JeffMesser If he wanted sympathy, perhaps he should have turned to his friends or a forum intended for that purpose rather than messaging a woman he didnt know about his lack of sex.

It's fucked up that anything thinks that is not only acceptable but worthy of some sort of accommodation as well.

Not long ago, I hired a plumber and while replacing my faucet, he felt compelled to tell about how long he had gone without sex.

It was creepy and inappropriate. I did not feel a bit sorry for him or any other man that feels he simply must tell strange women about his lack of sex

@Lucy_Fehr what's so inappropriate about it? people have sex. or in this case don't have sex. get rid of the archaic bullshit.

@JeffMesser I might be wrong, but I assume that you have empathy for him because you haven't been laid in quite some time, as well. "Empathy" entails putting one's self in the place of another. I cannot empathize with a man who tells a total stranger than he has not had sex. I could feel sympathy for his loneliness--which is what he discussed in his first email to me--but no sympathy for his lack of sex.

@Burner, Totally creepy and totally inappropriate. Good gosh!

@Gwendolyn2018 you can have empathy for someones' suffering without having suffered in the same manner. the Buddha was born a Prince yet he had empathy for all suffering. It is your ego that prevents you from having empathy and as I am trying to show you it is counterproductive.

@JeffMesser Assuming that a single woman you do not actually know needs to know about your sex life IS inappropriate.

Why do you get to assume that we want to hear it?

In my case I had a man I never met before IN my home to fix something I HIRED him to fix start telling me about long he has gone without sex. I was paying him to replace a faucet and had zero interest in his lack of sex and it was completely wrong for him to insist that I learn this.

I can't believe you think it is acceptable for people to force conversations about any subject on another person just because they feel like sharing

@JeffMesser You seem to be a bit dense. The 81 year old man and the plumber were "fishing": they wanted to see the reactions of Burner and of me to see if we were receptive to the idea of having sex with them. Or in the case of the old fart, it I would titillate him in emails or a phone conversation. They were not looking for sympathy: they were looking for sex. Yeah, people have sex, but it is appropriate to discuss or fish for it with people who are not interested.

I can't speak for men, but I can speak for myself and other women who have had similar experiences: it is NEVER appropriate or "deserving" of empathy or sympathy for a strange man to say to a woman that he has not had sex or that he wants sex with her. I have been on the receiving end of this not only online, but in "real" life, too. Even when a man knows a woman, he needs to be careful about what he says. It could spoil a friendship. I once met a guy from a dating site in whom I had no interest, but he asked if we could be friends. I saw him only one time because in an email to me, he divulged that he liked for women to wear a strap-on dildo and penetrate his anal orifice.

He was creepy--not because of his sexual preferences, but because he told me when I had not even agreed to explore a platonic friendship and because I had met him one time.

@JeffMesser Definition of empathy:
1: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.


I was not sensitive to his plight and his problem is alien to me. I am not Buddha.

@Lucy_Fehr Spot on, but I fear that you and I are wasting out time in trying to explain it to this man.

I had a guy come to give me an estimate for an awning I wanted to replace. He said that for me, the price would be cut in half. He made it quite clear what the terms would be. I showed him to the door. I would have reported him to his manager, but he owned the business. I could have reported him the BBB and perhaps I should have.

@JeffMesser By the way, you have NO empathy or sympathy for either me or, especially, for Lucy_Fehr. Despite my disgust, the incident did not happen in my house. For Lucy, it could have turned nasty.

@Gwendolyn2018 ego ego ego suffering suffering suffering. if you would control your emotions, put others before yourself, and show empathy for all then these things would disappear from our lives. this world is an illusion. focus on what lies beyond.

@JeffMesser Um, I think that you are bit confused. Your profile says that you are "secular Hindu," but you are promoting Buddhist ideas. They are not the same religion.

At any rate, thanks for the lecture, but I don't buy into it. Tell your theories to someone who cares. I have no empathy or sympathy for your continuing points about what I should be doing.

@Gwendolyn2018 please don't try to tell me about sanatan dharma when it's obvious you havent the slightest clue. typical ugly westerner. jagat mithya ayam brahmasmi

@JeffMesser No different from you trying to tell me what I should think, believe, and practice in my life. You are quite the evangelical and not only that, you persevere even though I clearly told you that I was not interested. I was not aware that Buddhist or Hinus preach their philosophies and try to win converts.

I assume that your "grad school" degree is a PhD in religious studies.

@Gwendolyn2018 so I should just stay in my place huh? I see. Hindu sannyasin and Buddhist monks debate quite often. They have the empathy that you lack. damyata datta dayadhvam.

@JeffMesser Ah, man! For someone who is chiding others for having "ego, ego, ego," you are like most religious people: hypocritical.

You have an ego of your own as demonstrated in "please don't try to tell me about sanatan dharma when it's obvious you havent the slightest clue. typical ugly westerner. [. . .]" Did you get your feathers ruffled? Did you get satisfaction in calling me an "ugly westerner"? Were you offended by your perception that I was telling you to "stay in my place, huh?"

And you are not debating: you are condemning/judging and have so since your first post.

Cool down, dude--it's a trivial conversation on a website. Exercise some self control and learn to be compassionate instead of telling others to do so.

And you did not answer my question about your grad degree. If you have a grad degree, you need to ask for your money back because the school did not teach you how to write clearly and coherently.

@JeffMesser you should fuck off.

@Gwendolyn2018 you seem rather proud of your uninformed opinions. this is especially disconcerting given your fundamentals errors like failing to recognize the upanishads, buddhism as an astika "hindu" belief, or the Buddhas status as the 9th avatar of Vishnu. So your views have the weight of packing peanuts. If my graduate school taught me to see past your views of maya then I wouldn't care if it neglected to teach me a thing about writing to your level. jagat mithya ayam brahmasmi.

I think you need to look up the definition of "outing" someone. Nobody was named by name, all that was identified was an age and gender. Unless there's only one 81-year-old male on this site, the individual remains anonymous. His actions have been described, but @Gwendolyn2018 hasn't "outed" anyone, any more than if she were to describe me as "some guy with a beard" after having an encounter with me in the market, or what have you.

In short- this was not a "name & shame", just a (rightfully deserved, in my opinion) shame.

, @JeffMesser It is ego that keeps you posting to me-- a purely pathetic desire to show me just how wrong I am. Maybe you should ask yourself, WWBD? (What would Buddha do?) He sure the heck would not keep at it with the hostility that you have shown toward both me and and Lucy. Your overwhelming desire to be right keeps you going. However, you have lost your amusement potential and I will not keep this going. Since you want the last work, take it--I won't post again and deprive you of that egotistical pleasure. But dude, temper the ego and the anger--both are sticking out like sore thumbs.

@Wangobango3 He does not usually get this much attention from a woman; negative attention is better than none at all.

@Paul4747 You are being too logical--he will not "get it."

Whew, sure glad you're not going to respond anymore! I don't know if I could take any more of your "knowledge".

@Gwendolyn2018 , OH fuck.Now he's getting into women "controlling their emotions" it's not going to get better from there. May as well stop this conversation.

@freeofgod With him, it stopped! And I was right--he could not resist posting one more time to get the last word. Pathetic.


I'm not telling...
at what point in a conversation or relationship the subject comes up as far as I'm concerned, but it's certainly not in the second message we exchange. It has to be organic to the conversation and feel like it's right to bring it up. It has to feel to me like she is asking the question.

I was kind to this man in my response to his first email, but I was also not encouraging as I was not interested in conversing with him. Had he sent a second email that had not contained the sexual reference, I would have responded with "Thanks for the email, but I am not interested in getting to know you."

@Gwendolyn2018 Well, you're a very kind person.

And even though we sort of know each other, I'm still not going into the other question... since it's not really germaine to our conversation at all.

I guess some men take the anonymity of the internet as license to say things they never would say face to face (hopefully never would, anyway).

@Paul4747 I think all of us learned long ago that the anonymity of the net "allows" people to say what they want to say, but from which they usually refrain. I cannot imagine the man going up to a woman in the street and saying, "I haven't had sex for a year."


As with some women, some men are fucked up. It is called humanity.

Some are more fucked up than others.

@Gwendolyn2018 True. i am probably very close to that line. I am just not sure which side sometimes. 🙂

@Sticks48 I am crazy, but a happy kind of crazy. Mental illness is rampant in my maternal side, but I chose to make it work for me, not against me--or at least I was able to do so in my 40s.

@Gwendolyn2018 And now?

@Sticks48 As I noted, in my 40s, I finally got a grasp! I am happy crazy now, but I maintain it in certain ways.


AS IF you gave a flyin' F? Lol!

That was my point in my reply. And as to why he thought I would care, he was testing the waters.

@Gwendolyn2018 men are always hopeful about BJ's......


I wonder which year that was.

It must have been when he was 80!


It's been 17 years for me. I wouldn't know where to begin.

Start at the top and work your way down, I guess.

If you sent me an email telling me as much, I would be dismissive in my reply.


Did ya tell him with skillz like that hes working towards 2 years?

1of5 Level 8 Nov 17, 2019

Ha! No, but I wish that I had.


I have met perfectly normal-sounding (in writing) men for coffee and the First words in their First sentence is "blow job". And I worked in a shipyard with 20,000 of them for 13 years, I guess I should not be surprised but, really...?

In reality, I am not surprised, but it continues to make me wonder why some men think that their "needs" are important to women, especially women on a site such as this one. I once asked a male friend why guys do this and he said because it worked on at least one woman. I can guarantee that it has not worked for this 81 year old idiot. This was his second message to me and it makes me regret that I was kind in the reply to the first. Some men take a reply as "consent."

@ToolGuy my expectations are going lower, and lower, there a bottom to this?


Did you reply asking what his point is? I'd have told him it sounds like a personal problem. He's been posting that he's looking but not having success. DUH with lines like that.

My reply: Why would you tell me about your lack of a sex life? Do you really think that I give a shit whether you have had sex for a year or if you ever have sex again? Piss off.

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