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This morning, we had an agency-wide managers’ meeting, offsite. The ED decided to start the meeting with prayer as usual (even though we are classified as a governmental entity, it’s the East Texas Bible Belt). As always, I tried to be respectful, lowered my head slightly but didn’t close my eyes, looking around occasionally for someone else who might “be like” me.

Following the meeting, my boss asked me if I wanted to join him and his boss for lunch. Having recently applied for a promotion, I figured not to turn down an opportunity that may be beneficial to me. At the restaurant, my boss’s boss said, “Shall we bless the food?” and proceeded to pray, thanking god for the food and the “good Christian men and women in our organization.” Lunch continued with little else religious mentioned.

Does anyone else run in to situations like this? I played along with the prayer, of course; but never acknowledged my lack of belief or their religiosity.

Do you think I’m being disingenuous? Or just trying to “survive” in this culture by playing their game?

mentalinnuendo 5 Nov 22
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51 comments (26 - 50)

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4

it depends on how badly you want the promotion and whether getting it will make things even worse for you with regard to religion. if this is a temporary thing to put up with, okay. if it is going to affect your life from now on, maybe rethink it! or of course you could report it. in a government agency you should not be required to display religion, even if you HAVE religion, to get a promotion, and if you are honest and it costs you the promotion, there's a potential lawsuit there, and yes, if that all sounds messy, it's because it WOULD be messy, and there would be no guarantee you'd win, and then you'd still have to put up with working for such a person. maybe he's not even a bad person, but he certainly does make assumptions!

g

4

It is an individual's personal choice. You do you and I do me.

3

Re Does anyone else run in to situations like this? - All the time, esp. with my in-laws. But I'm starting to "push back," i.e., "coming out of the closest" (which shouldn't be necessary anyway) as it were. I'd say you're trying to survive vs. being disingenuous.

3

I find it odd that you believe that the scenario is somehow a reflection on you as opposed to the environment and people that put you into that situation. The scenario you define would be a reason for me not to be there unless I felt I could openly tell them that I don't want to participate in such ceremonies. People are more likely to "be like" you if you are open about who you are.

3

I don't think you are being disingenuous. I'm in the same position as well with the hospital I work at having been bought by a religious non profit organization recently. The culture at work has changed and now my boss is required to start meetings with prayer, which he never did before when we were under the old owners. I don't think he is too thrilled with that, even though he is a believer, non of us ever had to deal with anyone's religion at work before. So everyone is trying to adjust and be diplomatic with this change since we all, believer and non-believers alike have to work to pay bills.

I'm not a believer, and the new chaplain knows I'm not, but so far I've not gotten push back for it - yet. When I do, I will speak up. In the mean time, I do not pretend to be praying when they all do.I don't bow my head or anything. I just quietly wait for them to finish. Thankfully they do this quickly and we all get to business.

3

I would report them to whoever their higher up person is. I would do so anonymously though, if possible, just in case they retaliate if they choose religion over professionalism. I would also report them to the freedom from religion organization. They could cause a stink on your behalf.

3

Milk it document. If you miss out on anything and you suspect it’s related to their religious beliefs. Sue them.

3

You are doing your best. Don't worry about anything else. Just take each day as it comes.

3

I got a new boss a few months ago. As part of his introduction to the team, he told us about his father-in-law, who is some big preacher and how religion was a big part of their lives. I just shuddered inside, thinking about how I will need to be careful what I reveal or comment on around him. It was not a good feeling, but I am glad I know up front what I am dealing with.

3

Its a common thing. When I'm at a union meeting, I have the same issue. I will not bow my head and look around. Since it involved your superiors, I would have done what you did. Texas is probably a "right to work" State, meaning its a right to fire you state for no reason what so ever. Employers don't need a right to fire you and would probably let you go for not adhering to Christian principles.

Trod Level 5 Nov 22, 2019

It is a right to work state, so yeah, you have to be careful.

3

I worked for the church for 10 years and was even given a lay ordination, nothing wrong with faking it to keep food on the table.

2

I never was involved in such situation but I would let the person pray. Of course I wouldn't pray. Then, business.

2

You need to get out of there. Those religious zealots will discriminate against you, so your career is limited there.

BD66 Level 8 Nov 23, 2019
2

Youre trying to survive. What would happen if you didnt participate in those rituals? Besides a long tedious and probably useless EOE complaint?

2

are those not one in the same from the point of view you present. less disingenuous don't half ass bow i reckon but surviving means more ice cream.

2

do whatever is most comfortable for you. there’s no rule that says anyone has to be open about their belief or lack of belief, but if you would feel more comfortable and safe being open about it, go for it.

1

I think you are being respectful allowing them to have their religious stuff when legally they are in the wrong. It is illegal to subjugate someone to your religious prayers against their will. Unfortunately, you will have to fly under the radar in an environment like that if you want to advance professionally.

1

Take over and then put a stop to it. Acting early might get a court victory, but the legal system is pay to win and I doubt you can handle all the retaliation.

1

If it was me, I would play their silly games while looking for how to get out of there.

1

Well, they kinda force it on you, so do the same...
Anywho that is why I will never go to fucking texas...
Major religious fuckery happening there....

1

Only you can answer that. No person is qualified to advise you. It may be helpful to hear what others did in the same situation and how it worked out.

1

I work for a large, multi-state medical corporation. When I began with them the nuns were in charge and visible, prayers morning and eve were heard on the hospital PA system. While just beginning my awareness outside of church upbringing, I appreciated working in a kind and caring environment with strong mission and core values.

Having returned 15 yrs ago, my personal beliefs are much different, but the organization is transparent in its values and I still respect and appreciate the great work environment. The tradition with meetings is to begin with a "reflection", at the discretion of the leader. Some do invoke prayers, and I wait politely to move on. My team knows they will never hear that from me, rather quotes and passages from philosophers, poets and authors.

I think you are right to just listen calmly and respectfully to those prayers, given your bible-belt location, avoiding any religious discussion. May even be handy to keep one or two ambiguous 'reflections' on hand, in case you are asked to contribute. The workplace, one you appreciate, is no platform to challenge or create conflict on personal beliefs, and you are actually protected by law. Listening to a well-intentioned message from someone who thinks differently than you is part of the adult environment. Chill.

1

The way I see it, you are creating more problems than you are solving. You can document the hell out of it, but when push comes to shove, it will count for nothing if you did not bother to tell them that you are a non-believer, and that you find their behavior inappropriate. You are also being deceptive, leading them to believe that you are OK with what they are doing, when you should have been up front with them from the beginning. Later on, when or if they find out that you are not "with them", it is going to make you look bad, and it may not be that your atheism or agnosticism has anything to do with their reaction, their reaction may just be because they feel deceived. Playing along with their game also is not such a safe bet either, because chances are pretty good that they will expect more from you than just doing what you are doing now. Taking a middle of the road approach is only giving them more power, and, self-compromising.
I personally find it disgusting that people who disagree with christianity feel that they need to hide from them, pander to them, and generally imitate them, while at the same time THEY are going around like they own the fucking world. They don't.

1

A thought in my head keeps coming out——
If your god has always been, why couldn’t “everything” have always been?
A god that has always been, then made everything, doesn’t seem logical, to me.

Whoa.... that’s deep.

1

What is an ED?

Executive director
Exceptional driver
Educated dunce
Extreme dick
Extra delusional
Experienced dom

Probably executive director, though.

I don't know but all it could think of was erectile dysfunction

@indirect76 Executive Director

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