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Why are men so afraid of meeting face to face on online dating? I hate endless texting. I want real conversation. If there’s no chemistry just make it a one and done meeting.

Dba1955 4 Mar 29

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Either party can suggest a meet, if the guy (or girl) avoids meeting, not worth your time.


For me being a guy I have been catfished a LOT. That being said I rather get the meeting out of the way sooner rather then later so I don't develop feelings for a fake person and fake pictures.

Absolutely good plan!


I would love to meet a number of the women here in person but, the reality is that the distances are, too great to be practical.

I think that is a major point. As far as I can see, this site covers the entire world.


The guards won't give me a day pass to go on a date😟

Be out in the yard at exactly 12:15 on Friday, listen for a chopper.

@Condor5 great, thanks?


Hasn't been my experience - but hey, we're all different. I prefer writing a bit, then phone, then meet . Most seem to be ok with that.


...why do some make blanket statements regarding an entire gender..? I don’t know? But it wouldn’t take many before I’d have no desire to meet them either 🙂

Varn Level 8 Mar 29, 2018

This ^^, I have an online profile on one site. The couple of women I contacted made similar generalized statements and I just stopped messaging. The other thing I get is women messaging me who have obviously not read my profile. Living in a rural area makes my choices limited too.

I have never been online looking for women, so I can't share any personal experiences about that. I can only tell you about my experience with men, where 90% of the ones I encountered were very dishonest. That was on, not here. I only signed up for a month. That was enough for me. I have guy friends who had much better luck in that regard with the women they met. Since that is a very small sample of online daters, I can't make any blanket statements, but it was enough to make me never want to do that again. Some people like dating, so maybe they just accept it as part of the process. I am not one of those people. I'm doomed. lol


I have done very little online dating, but that is because men were rarely who they said they were, in one way or another. I encountered married men, men who used very old pictures, men with drinking problems, and men who were in extreme debt. One guy told me that he lived with his son and his son's friends, liked to party with son and friends, and that he was addicted to blue cheese. That was all in the first 5 minutes. He also had major dental problems. His profile said that he was a financial advisor, made over 150K a year, and lived in Florida half of the year. Riiiight. I couldn't get away from him fast enough. And those were just the ones who would actually meet. As someone who dislikes dating, it completely turned me off from it all. If I would have stuck with it, I may have eventually met someone "normal," but it is a crapshoot. I would say if someone doesn't want to meet, they more than likely have things to hide. I wouldn't waste my time. Tell them, "If you ever want to meet, drop me a line." Then let them know you will be moving on to people who are willing to meet. If he thinks you're worth his time, he will agree to meet. If he doesn't, he won't. Simple as that.

Funny, or not.. but I’ve always considered my in-person persona would be far more attractive than my personal credentials. Though, I’d have been honest on all counts 🙂 I’ve done some corresponding (not around here), but it consistently lead to ..nuts. Personally, if I don’t meet ‘her’ in person, it may never happen 😟

Ahahaha, addicted to blue cheese! Maybe that was full disclosure, in case you might learn later that he frequented a cheese den, and lose trust too soon.

I think I found a photo of him here at a cheese den. Although maybe it's not him since that's a goat-cheese log he's working on.

Definitely meet people ASAP, and with their friends if possible, to see how s/he treats them and is treated by them. None of my now spouse's friends liked HER now ex-husband, but they saw that he treated her well, and that had to be respected. (FWIW, they all like me.)


Well, suggesting a meeting immediately gets withdrawal, in my experience. Plus, now don't judge me, I expect to pay for whatever happens at the first meeting, and most of the ones so far have resulted in very little chemistry. So I'm careful.


Goes both ways.

When it does, it is:

A. Scam
B. Married
C. Lied too much on the profile.
D. Religious fanatic stuck in a loop fighting their natural urges. (I want to get laid, but it is a sin, but I want to get laid, but....)


Perhaps it has to do with how honest one has been on one's profile. Some deceptions are hard to disguise in person.
IMHO, it is wiser to first meet in person at a public venue where we can learn so much more about each other in far less time - and ultimately, it is safer!.

valse Level 5 Mar 29, 2018

I don't think that it is just men. It has to do with more interested and less interested parties involved in the text conversation. It has to do with how much the encounter will cost. It has to do with how each individual comes across in photos and text messages.

I'd rather rule someone out with messaging before meeting if I can be sure it won't work out. For example, I've had several proselytize or witness to me. I'm glad not to waste time meeting them in person.


I like meeting people just to make friends. Good friends is still a relationship and most of the time better than romantic ones. Who knows, you might end up in a friends with benefits situation.
All the good, none of the bad.


I think on- line is effective in the start to beak the ice and then you should meet up for coffee and just talk and find out more about the other party. What are there likes and dislikes and see whether you can both fit or not. If you cannot fit is fine be civilised, thank each other and enjoy your coffee experience

Rosh Level 7 Mar 29, 2018

Maybe they're like me and are afraid because they think they're too ugly.

there is a lot in that (no, you are not) , many guys look at online profiles, chat, but don't take it any further, not all such are married.


I agree. I’m not sure about this online dating. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in a person and then nothing happens. They don’t want to meet or they live in another state. I’m very cautious now.


Because my wife would kill me.


HUH? In my experience it's the women who don't want to meet and keep dragging out the texting and chats. I gave up on it

twill Level 7 Mar 30, 2018

The main reason I've found is they are scammers, the ones that talk about wanting to get to know you better, pretend they live nearby but won't agree to meet for coffee. I've also found that quite a few only want to talk, usually about sex, they are lonely but can't be bothered to seek a real relationship. I've been a widow for almost 10 yrs and I've tried free sites and paid sites, it's all the same. I'd like to meet someone but nursing is prohibitive as you can't ethically date your patients but now as a travel agent maybe I'll meet someone in the real world.


Doesn't it depend what you are looking for? If, like me, you are simply looking for intelligent conversation, then there is no need to meet and it doesn't matter if you are the other side of the world. If you are seriously looking for someone to spend time with, then does it matter how long it takes before you feel ready to meet? Having rules seems a bit judgmental to me - guidelines perhaps?

@Dba1955 I would agree entirely with what you say, but I don't think it is an 'either/or' situation. When it is possible I love conversation with friends and family face to face, but for me it is not possible a lot of the time so I interact as much as possible by social media of various kinds so as not to lose out on what is happening. I agree it is very sad to see young people texting each other when they are in the same room, even, but I think this is not the future of the human race! Most human beings need to interact with other people at least some of the time. Even people who live in isolated places have fun when they manage to socialise occasionally.

Well if you're not looking to date or meet someone perhaps you should make that your header, "just want to chat"


I don't know id rather move straight on with it myself. id be very concerned about a woman who takes way too much time too. I don't understand either woman who says they want to date or men who have no picture

My feeling is if they have no photo they are 1/ hiding from someone like a wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend 2/ embarrassed about being online as if it's something perverted or inappropriate 3/ they are scammers with a sob story hoping to find a sucker to send them money

my thoughts exactly @sueincoombs


I know I am fortunate to be in a densely populated place in LA, so there are many people within a reasonable proximity to me. And, after two marriages (one 7 years and one 25 years), I had no idea what I was getting myself into. But, in the 3 years I have been online dating; I have never had any guys be reluctant to meet. Granted, most IRL dates are one and done (no chemistry in spite of intense prescreening for on-paper compatibility); there is no other way to find a partner in crime than ACTUALLY MEETING!! I am ready and willing to meet if/when agreeable texting and calling lead to a desire to take it to the next step.


Seems to me it is the other way around. Women are afraid to meet and talk in person. They are right because of the damage done bya few males. A very public place should always be the first place to meet and see if there is something. Ladies are you listening. PUBLIC PLACE.


Probably because they either have no car, live at home, or have no job,money, or significant source of income. If they did, they wouldn't be here.


I don't text. I know how, but I don't. I don't own any kind of hand held device except an old flip phone, that somebody laughed at last night when I pulled it out. (I mostly use it as a watch--remember them?) Maybe I am doomed in this modern anti-social society we have become.


I don't have kids, so I prefer not to text since I never really got into the habit. But no one wants to talk on the phone either. In either case, I often assume that some kind of fear or damage to psyche has occured. But some of the other reasons given here make a lot of sense too.

I think you are right. Same here. No kids, no texting. I know how, but I don't.

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