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My father recently died and the pastor presiding over the service used that time to convert people to follow Jesus. Should I be incredibly offended?

lulufaerie394 4 Dec 21

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Sorry for your loss.

It's been my experience that if any kind of cleric gets booked for anything, they will use the opportunity to convert more members for their cults.
You should have expected the attempt.
Being offended is pointless. It's what they do.

Personally, I think I'd be more ticked off at whomever planned the service for being so inconsiderate of your beliefs.
IF they are even aware of them.

Thanx. I need it said again: “Being offended is pointless. It's what they do.”

A man I long ago did progressive politics with became a preacher and when I told him he talks too much he answered, “I’m a preacher.”


I absolutely abhor this tactic. When people are emotionally vulnerable and grieving, using that to manipulate people is awful.


At the time or shortly thereafter I would have asked the pastor why he used the funeral service to conduct a conversion service.

It's what they do.


Oh, yes.


preachers love to hear themselves talk. they can't shutup it seems. that preacher is as much a victim of his own words as much as any unsuspecting listener.


Was annoyed when my uncle's funeral turned into a opportunity to convert. Sorry to hear about your father.


Sorry for your loss..😔

It’s amazing how inconsiderate/insensitive some Padres are. At my aunts funeral, the priest went on a 10 minute rant about non-Catholics taking communion which is reserved for Catholics only.....


No, it wasn't personal, it's what they do because they don't know any better. Like little kids farting in front of company.

Leelu Level 7 Dec 21, 2020

Don’t ask us. Ask yourself, “Am I offended?”7


Funerals and weddings provide ideal opportunities for the clergy to 'cast their nets' in an attempt to catch backsliders and the uninitiated. Nothing like a captive audience for the artful salesman.


I don’t think you should be surprised, in my experience it’s what most clergymen seem to do at funerals. Is it ethical? I don’t think it is, because their main purpose at a funeral should be to bring comfort to the bereaved and to reflect on and celebrate the life and character of the deceased. They should consult with the family and find out these personal details and if any family members wish to speak and say a eulogy. They should not take the occasion as an invitation to preach and convert. You ask should you be offended...well only you can answer that, although from the tone of your responses to others I gather that it was a rhetorical question because you clearly are offended.

Can I ask why you chose that particular clergyman to conduct the service, was your father a member of his congregation perhaps? Was it the case that you had no say in the funeral arrangements and they were made by your mother or another family member, and if so, do they also feel offended about how he conducted the service? My last question is, have you spoken to this person and made it clear to him that you found his conduct inappropriate or offensive?

My last observation is to say I attended a memorial service for our late choirmaster a couple of years ago and I was appalled at the way the minister showed complete disregard for the fact that he was an avowed atheist. The service was arranged by his brother who obviously was a believer and I was glad we had a chance to sing a couple of appropriate choral pieces which we knew were particular favourites of his, and a number of his friends and family spoke very movingly about him. However, the minister spoke for more than 20 minutes, most of it centred around disbelievers going to hell and how we all needed saving. It really took a great deal of self control for me not to say something... in fact I felt an overpowering impulse to jump up and scream ..stop! I feel your anger and sympathise, above all you have my deepest condolences.


I must say, if you have a religious send off, you must expect whatever the locals do. If I knew this was a possibility I would have told him, do not do it, do not even consider doing it. then ask if he could comply if not then cancel thhe religion part of the show.

If your mom and other family members think they are ok with it, and you are wrong. Then have a final viewing for yourself and do not participate , then go to the interment and have your last few unresponded to, words with dad.

My family knows not to bother with a priest, unless they want it. I have told them many many times, I will be dead, I will not care. I will be gone. If it makes sense or makes you feel good do a full catholic mass, Holy water etc. Then a drunken bacchanalian festival afterward. Pole dancers free sex all good for me I will be dead, as long as it helps THEM. I will be dead

Like they said on Seinfeld, Festivus for the Rest of us!

One of my cousins had in his will minimal service nothing special, bury me, take whatever I got left and have a family party. They did. That reminded me of the following.

My Wife used to play this all the time we all sang along. She was so very good, sadly life moved on those days are far away up stream. Maybe she will renew her gitar playing! (she played just about everything Denver and Simon and Grfinkle made famous, plus so many others.


They just can’t help themselves. This is but one reason I’m an antitheist.

Mvtt Level 7 Dec 22, 2020

My parents were Mormon and at their funerals (they died at different times), there was an effort to try to convert too. If it wasn't my parent;s funeral I'd have walked out.


I am so sorry that your father had to leave. Let your grief have it’s time.

I have been to so many funerals where this was the case! It feels to me as ‘ungodly!’ The life that is to be celebrated, is not the focus. But, until preachers are trained to do otherwise, there will be no change! In fact, over my lifetime, this kind of funeral is more common place. It seems offensive to me, but not to others.


Depends, on how your father would have felt.


I had that happen when my last child died in 1992.

I got extreme pleasure when I found out a year later he lost his job at his church (he was the youth pastor), his wife and children left him, and his business failed.


I don’t should on myself. (Pronounce it as a short i, as in “it”.)


Are you incredibly offended?

I would be offended, and he wouldn't get a donation!


The pastor is not forcing you to be a bible banger. Unless this was an atheistic memorial then you are in their house, as the pastor was hired. No one can force upon you in America. That is another reason to protect the Constitution from usurpers. We are not required to believe in deities in America.


Nothing worse than a blowhard pastor preaching at a funeral. My uncle wanted a quick service at his funeral and the pastor rambled on for 45 minutes and got on everyone’s nerves.


I don’t understand why one would take offense. What else would one expect from a pastor: That’s their job, isn’t it?


Many Baptist services in Oklahoma have what is basically an invitational at all funerals. I am always incredibly offended and irritated when that happens because I know they are doing it to a captive audience that might believe the crap and will welcome an opportunity to look forward to meeting their loved one in the future.

That said I keep my mouth shut because it's not my business what other people believe.

When my father-in-law died my son was eight years old and when they started with the blah blah blah have you been saved stuff my son looked at me and saw the expression on my face and grabbed my hands. I was so glad he was paying attention to what was said but I also hoped The grieving widow did not notice my facial expression.


Who chose the pastor?


Why, that is what they do all the time. Ignore it and be happy.

@lulufaerie394 Life is too short to be angry. That doesn't mean that you do not stand up for thing, you just need to pick your battles.

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