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I used to be a nicer person. I didn't laugh at the misfortunes of my "enemies" and when something tragic happened, I would say, "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemies." In reality, I had no enemies. There was no one against whom I harbored anything beyond the occasional negative thought that soon vanished.

I was also fond of saying about people who did me wrong, "Their lives are their own worst punishment," aka "karma."

Now, certain people on the national scene could drop dead and I would literally rejoice. I don't care if people who refuse to wear masks drop dead of the plague--I only care about the innocent people whom they take along with them.

I have cut off friends, pissed off relatives, and their absences in my life mean nothing.
Someday, I hope to get back my equilibrium. Maybe someday, I will return to that nicer version of me. But I am also quite sure that there will be no forgiveness for those who have made the lives of Americans miserable for the last four years and who had a hand in killing 3 million Americans.

I also used to say that all humans (except sociopaths) are a combination of good/bad; that belief is gone. Some people are just evil.

These feelings will not dominate my life, but they will always linger.

Gwendolyn2018 9 Dec 25
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23 comments

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12

There are many in government positions that if they were on fire and I had to pee, I'd walk a mile or two to the nearest outhouse and pee there. It isn't being "nice" per se. For women we've been taught to "be nice" all our lives to avoid upsetting the status quo. The status quo sucks, and I'm done playing nice. I believe that "people are ____. And anything that you can fit in any blank, you will find that people are. I will deal with them as they deal with me, but I will always try for kindness. When I can't be kind I will disengage. If they take up too much of my mental space I will cut the contact. I don't think I am any less nice than I ever haver been, but I think I have much more backbone, and much more awareness of my boundaries and what I am and am not willing to tolerate. I won't let the assholes tear me down to their level.

Yes, very well said!

Yes, well said

9

Everything you fucking said! Politics is one thing, but this has gone WAY beyond that! These people who support this asshole are not my friends anymore. No exceptions. I wish I wouldn't let it bother me so much...But it does.

8

Agree and share 100%. Trump has created the biggest chasm between folks just for his own benefit ( he only believes in himself) actually, that may not be totally accurate, these chasms have existed yet were suppressed. He merely stoked the fires and enabled bad behavior.

The only saving grace is I firmly believe there are much more good folk than bad. Unfortunately, their PR is not so good...

@Gwendolyn2018 oh I agree, there are many who are perceived good than actually good. That’s why people congregate with people from a similar ilk, because the find more “good” people amongst their own. Few look past that facade.

@Gwendolyn2018 From years of studying population demographics and politics I agree that all people desire security and a low stress life. When resources get scarce and people start to lose shelter, sustenance and a source of income they rebel and fight. Survival is one of the 2 strongest instincts and when that gets threatened all rules and decency go out the window.

8

I can agree with your every word. It has taken the last 4 years to show me exactly who my friends are. Most people are not our friends and they serve a "me first" type of reality.

7

I feel the same way. To take it one step further, not only would I will rejoice in some specific instances, I would actually wish it. I sometimes put myself to sleep just visualizing the instance that something awful happens to a certain chosen few. But oddly, I still consider myself a good person because I am looking out for the greater good. Is this how I rationalize it? Maybe. But I don’t care.

JZBEE Level 4 Dec 25, 2020
7

You are not alone.

6

Be at peace with your hate, it can be a powerful motivator to get good things done. It is only letting it fester that harms.

6

I sympathize with you. I can count on one hand the number of of people I could say I truly disliked or perhaps hated before four years ago. Now, not only would I love to see Trump vanish in a cloud of smoke, but I feel hatred towards the 70 million plus who voted for him and even more vitriol towards the sycophants who are supporting his attempts at destroying our Constitution. This may take a long time to heal, if it ever does.

5

I don't think there are any ppl who are all good but there seems to be plenty of them who are all bad.

4

Sounds to me like you have grown up. Stop betting yourself about that. A bit of anger and self preservation is healthy. Some people do not deserve to be in our lives, no matter if they are family or not, after all Hitler did have a mother. Happy holidays and peace to you.

4

I can't argue with any of your sentiments and indeed, feel them all keenly within myself. I just can't muster up any regrets either. None. And I feel fine about it. Peace to you. 💚

4

I do wonder if what you are experiencing isn't a natural stage of human development exacerbated by exceptional circumstances. I think the change in you says more about our living conditions over the last four years than it does about you personally. If I'm right, you may expect to see the return of at least some of the qualities that you miss as things return to "normal" with a sane, competent person at the nation's helm. Warmest regards.

3

I have the same feeling Gwendolyn2018. I no longer speak to 2 other my religious conservative trumpster brothers that live in NW Arkansas. We have also had disagreements over COVID safety. tRump is responsible for the poor government response to the COVID outbreak. It should be called the "tRump plague".

@Gwendolyn2018 My Christian brother in OK hates tRump as much as I do. He calls anyone claiming to be a Christian that likes tRump a "fake Christian". Yes, he will be remembered for it.

3

In my better moments at least I like to try to give others the benefit of the doubt. However, I think that with Trump--and many of his minions--there simply is no doubt that they can be given the benefit of. However, I know some Trump supporters who are wonderful people otherwise--and I don't understand this.

3

I agree, it is hard to feel empathetic when none is given from certain segments of society.

3

Unfortunately, I've been turning that corner for a long time. I've been stabbed in the back too many times as a teenager and as an adult. Let me count the ways. I wish I could erase those memories.
I'm mostly a skeptic theses days. Whatever the cause, there really are evil people out there.
Yet, there are very good people out there. Some have saved my ass and also mentored me.
So I proceed with extreme caution as a skeptic.

@Gwendolyn2018 I hate to use a Ronald Reagan phrase but “Trust but Verify”. I prefer, “Verify then be a skeptic”.

3

I get it. I went from perpetual optimist to practically a cynic.

2

I've always known there are evil people in the world — greedy, misdirected, selfish, hateful, willfully ignorant — but I didn't realize that some of them were among my friends. I now have fewer friends.

And some of them think I'm an asshole now. Oh well.

@Gwendolyn2018 I stay connected to old "friends" who have taken to the dark side. I may be the only connection they have with reality.

2

I agree with your sentiments. I don't really feel hate , because hate takes up way too much energy.

Apathy ? Probably. Not enough of shit given to even rejoice at the downfall of assholes - just a definite sigh of relief to not have them enter my thoughts ever again.

I do try to hold on to the idea that most people are good - given a choice, but then yet another example of some totally awful, evil creep comes along, and my ideas falter ...

I just don't like humans much.

2

Unfortunately

bobwjr Level 10 Dec 25, 2020
1

I stopped watching or listening to the news about four years ago and immediately felt better.
Then the elections came back around so I started watching again to be 'informed,' and immediately got a hot blast of Black Lives Matter, Covid 19, and Trump.
I got very depressed and out of sheer desperation resumed my one-man news blackout.
My cheerful outlook was restored
Try it, you'll like it.

@Gwendolyn2018 It also helped improve my attitude towards people in general, too, though I must confess it's still pretty poor regardless.

@Gwendolyn2018 The news will do that to a person. It dwells on all the bad things about human nature, all the bad things about life, period.
Don't get me wrong, one should be 'informed,' but all the important things can be found out from places like this, or like from osmosis, from the air, in conversations...
Anyway, a person really can't get away from it, but that doesn't mean one has to rub one's own nose in it. That's the way I look at it. Works for me.

@Gwendolyn2018 I didn't have a TV for years. In fact I had a bumper sticker on my van (in which I lived in southern California) 'Kill Your Television.' Then I had one with only three channels and a DVR and watched only movies I got from the library. When I retired to my present cabin I gave in and got satellite TV because of my isolation. I could have done without it; I see tv as largely propaganda tool for our capitalist consumerism, and I watch mostly commercial-free movies, and movies and programs I record so I can skip through those intensely-hated commercials. I find some programs (Ancient Aliens for instance) are pretty good, but I generally try to limit watching it, not always successfully.
Being a 'neo-communist' (not a Marxist or a fascist totalitarian) I think 98% of the things on TV are obnoxious apologia for the status quo which should be banned for any number of reasons, but mainly because progressive thought has been systematically eliminated as part of an overall right-wing strategy to push political thought toward the conservative end of the spectrum. I'll guess that's part of your feeling.
Unfortunately, this strategy seems to be working, and has greatly led to the great divide between liberals and conservatives, leading to mutual hatred between these now warring camps, and a growing cynicism. I share that hatred and cynicism, resenting those 'sheep' who are falling for this obvious indoctrination. Especially AM radion even more than tv, but both.
Anyway, hopefully that will change someday. Short of a political (or some other type of) revolution, I tend to doubt it.

@Gwendolyn2018 Okay, I will NOT be drawn into a debate about Ancient Aliens, and some of it IS ridiculous, but it's also true some of it contains valid points (how DID they, for instance, move 100+- ton boulders hundreds of miles in some cases, shape them to a fraction an inch of tolerance, and set them stone-upon stone sometimes hundreds of feet tall, without the need for mortar? Things like that are mind-boggling, something we couldn't do today without the utmost difficulty, even with all our machinery and modern technology.)
But I digress. My point is, which I think you realize, the growing animosity driving people apart is largely a deliberate campaign by ultra-rightist fascists, using media (tv, radio, print, internet, etc.) to demonize those with whom they disagree. This is, of course, profoundly un-American and anti-democratic and is extremely detrimental to our sense of community, not to mention our attitudes about our fellow human beings. That's why I refuse to be drawn into political and/or religious 'discussions' with those with whom I know I'll disagree, because I KNOW it'll devolve into an argumentative debate (especially when alcohol is involved, but in any case). Keep those topics off the table, and I find it very easy to get along with pretty much anybody. And THIS is why I avoid media attempts to brainwash me.
Anyway, I continue to believe scientific facts (which themselves are open to modification and interpretation) will eventually overcome attempts to deny, twist, or otherwise defeat reality. I think these attempts will thus, in the end, fail.
I could be wrong, being the romantic idealist I am and insist on remaining, but I'll keep believing it anyway.

@Gwendolyn2018 Okay, I was just putting in my two cents, thinking it might make sense (notice the clever...never mind).
Wish you well.

1

People often say love trumps hate. But I have said Hate destroys and kills and love cannot exist in a vacuum. So now we are seeing proof positive, that given love trumps hate, when trump gets involved, hate trumps love. My take has been neither love nor hate trumps the other as both are emotions and only reason can trump any emotions.

@Gwendolyn2018 But apathy is still an emotion (sort of a centrist one). I'll still go for reason.

@Gwendolyn2018 I agree, to disagree. I did look it up and part of the definition said it was a mental issue with a lack of emotion.

@Gwendolyn2018 Apparently, for some it has become a mental condition. On several sites I looked it it was classified as that and I can see it as 'sometimes' being so. [webmd.com]

@Gwendolyn2018 I think with some subjects most of us are apathetic. Good it has helped keep you sane (so I'm assuming LOL). Perhaps I should rephrase my 'rational' belief and say 'active rationalism.'

@Gwendolyn2018 Good to know. Aren't we all in our own way.

@Gwendolyn2018 I guess it depends on the kind of crazy.

@Gwendolyn2018 Sorry for this unhappiness. I guess I'm lucky as we had happy crazy in my house while I was growing up. I hear about how the unhappy crazy has affected people in their adult lives and am not surprised at the present state of the world.

@Gwendolyn2018 So many families each with their own story. Glad it has not led to consequences in your later life.
For me it concerned my 1st wife and daughter. The wife left me and married a Naval officer and kidnapped our daughter. He was an active alcoholic and she, bi-polar. They had another child right away. I ended up losing contact with my daughter for 20 years. Now we are back together and the truth has revealed itself. My daughter said she had lived the Cinderella life but is still waiting for prince charming (even though she is married with 2 kids). Luckily for her, she is tough and from day one was very independent.

@Gwendolyn2018 So sorry to hear this. Perhaps there is a genetic connection and you were spared. My 2nd partner was, for a while, a maintenance alcoholic. She knew from an early age she had a problem. Alcoholism ran in the family. We returned to the US and she went through a detox program (and I joined Al Anon to be healed from being an enabler). She did not want to marry and always said if she relapsed I should kick her out. She did not want to have children as she did not want the possibility of making another person having to deal with what she did. Unfortunately, when she did relapse her family got involved and made things very difficult. In the end they actually did a lot of harm to their own daughter. When a child reaches adulthood parents really need to learn to butt out.

My daughter and I have a wonderful relationship. She lives in Brea, Calif. but just found a super job with a major, commercial real estate company. She will eventually have to relocate to Pasadena with her, non-prince charming, husband and son.

@Gwendolyn2018 At least someone found what they were looking for. It amazes me how many families are touched by alcoholism. In my extended family only one was and he was in the family by marriage.
I had a younger brother who also had problems. Always running away and getting into petty trouble. Ran away again and ended up in Alaska. Later, returned home, got his GED and then on to law school and became a lawyer. I asked him why he did those things and he said he also asks himself those things every day. He just did.
Trying not to enable is really difficult especially when it concerns those you love.
Hopefully, when , you know who, is gone the national stress level will go down.

@Gwendolyn2018 The link and alcohol is very common. My 2nd partner had an issue with depression and during the detox program Prozac was prescribed. For 5 years everything was great. She was a special person in a lot of ways. Her doctor moved and her prescription ran out and within a few weeks there was a relapse. From Dr. Jekyll to Ms. Hyde and good bye relationship.

@Gwendolyn2018 Thing is all my failed relationships help me learn about what not to do. The next one made all the failed ones worth the pain. It is said the best revenge is a successful, happy life.

@Gwendolyn2018 Good that you can accept that. I once read that women are often happier and much more adept at being alone as men. I guess too many men still need a 'mommy' to take care of them. However, that is not me. Several people have told me I would make someone a good wife LOL.

@Gwendolyn2018 All good reasons

1

Welcome to reality!

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