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What makes a man?

I was talking to a friend of mine and we were talking about identities that we all seem to carry around with us. ( great father, husband, mother, athlete, failure, success, etc.) I then got to thinking how there is a cultural meme about what makes a man. (Ya' know the usual stuff like brave, strong, shows no fear, provider etc.) I see it in movies and books. Other than the obvious physical difference, what do you think makes a 'man'? Is there such a thing? Is there a need for this label any more? Does the social culture need to continue reinforcing stereotypes?

AwarenessNow 8 Apr 20
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33 comments

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8

Meh. I'm not sure concepts like "man" and "woman" have any intrinsic value anymore.

I mean, I used to think what made a man was a penis, basically. But I don't think that's strictly true anymore. FWIW my ex's firstborn is FTM trans so I know a "man with a vagina". He's a man, no question--because he decided, and he gets to decide.

"Provider", "protective", "brave" etc. are all genderless qualities that anyone can have, to whatever degree--just like "sensitive", "emotional", "nurturing", etc. Assigning these to gendered camps is asinine and unrealistic--it truncates and strangles the full experience of humanity.

I'm kind of over this whole gender paradigm. People can be however they want to be. The Earth is not going to stop spinning on its axis if people with penises wear makeup and talk about their feelings or if people with vaginas ride skateboards and speak up assertively.

I really don't care what defines a "man" or a "woman". I think we have for more important things to worry about.

I guess you could say I'm agnostic on this question. 😉

7

I've actually been thinking something similar.

The subject of toxic masculinity, which I don't subscribe to is nevertheless interesting. There are aspects of masculinity that irritate me.

I find myself disgusted with posturing, puffery, bravado, braggadocio- typically male signals. The archetypal "bro" behavior is so central to male identity, but the confounding thing is NOBODY is fooled by this. We all see right through it, but that's the game we set up.

It's something that is just agreed on, and it's utterly ridiculous. This is how males act. We oversell and overdeliver. It's a dance of firm handshakes and dickwaving competitions.
Jordan Peterson talks a lot about dominance hierarchies and masculinity. It is just fascinating. A lot of what men do is signal, "I'm high on the dominance hierarchy." "I'm successful" "I have status."

6

If—
BY RUDYARD KIPLING
(‘Brother Square-Toes’—Rewards and Fairies)

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

6

I've posted this separately. I am beyond labels. They mean nothing. I mean, seriously, worn out and traduced to nothing.

What is a man? For that matter, what is a woman? What, indeed, is a garden gnome?

All just stupid, meaningless labels.

I'm a man. Legally. Does my penis define me? I don't think so, not last time I checked. But it has gotten me into trouble, so there is that.

What makes me a man? I don't care. What makes me a human? That is the relevant question. I don't need a gun to be a person.

I have no kids, no pets - I am a walking moral vacuum according to the church going community.

But just last week I was walking past a few boys riding bikes in a stormwater drain. One of them came off his bike. I asked "are you right". He clearly wasn't but told me that he was. Is that what's wrong with masculinity? I do not know. All I did was what I could - I asked him if he was right. Start with that, and maybe you get somewhere.

4

Responsibility for your actions and the environment you live in.. Respect for others and being able to bite your tongue.. being able to admit you are wrong.. Being gentle when you need be and animal also when appropriate. Balance and time.

4

I told my sons that being a man means you take responsibility for your own actions. But that can be applied to just being an adult.
I think this clip speaks volumes! Love it!

4

Gender nominalism vs. gender realism...I side with nominalism. There are many men and there are many women but there is no essential male or essential female.

cava Level 7 Apr 20, 2018
4

Yes labels need to go. I personally hate labels. It pre-disposes one to judgement.

Labels will always be with us for better or for worse.

@jlynn37 I agree and they actually have a place but, generally speaking, they have been given too much power.

4

I don't think we need the label. "He's a real man and you're not" who needs that!

3

An interesting question as an intellectual exercise, but I think it is socially a self-defeating question. Defining what is or what should be the elements of a man sets up barriers to growth and actualization for both men and women. After all, to answer the man question, does by default address the women question. I think it would be so much healthier and useful to ponder what it would mean to be a good person. What does a good person look like and what is our responsibility to each other and to all the other living organisms on this great planet of ours.

3

I don't think labels matter anymore.

Me too

3

I like the definition of a man fro the film "The Right Stuff." Chuck Yeager had just heard about one of the astronauts orbiting the Earth. So he decides he's going to do it. He hops in a jet plane, and reaches the very boundary of space; he can see the stars. But the engines stop because there's no air. The plane crashes in flames, and he walks out proudly, his helmet in hand.

"Out there?" is that a man?" someone says, trying to see through the smoke.

"You're damned right it is!" was the reply.

Excuse me if my 20+ year old memory of that scene is slightly inaccurate.

2

I have always thought it was great when a man cries and doesnt try to hide it or shows a more 'feminine ' 'different side' My father was almost non existant; and so correct! and it took till I was fifty to find someoen who allows himself to be genderlessly undefined.

2

I’m super feminist and don’t like people who are super stereotypical. That said, I sincerely respect men who, when something needs fixing, jumps right into it, whether he knows what he’s doing or not. My dad was like that, and the lack of that one quality led me to not marry someone I might have otherwise married. Completely hypocritical to how I want to think of myself, but there it is.

2

Manners.

Coldo Level 8 Apr 20, 2018
2

I think it's whatever makes a good person. However you want to define that. To me there's no point to saying 'man' or 'woman'.

2

I have no answer, but love this ever since I first heard it.

2

Being able to do what it is right by himself and the others around him. Standing up for the little people and not being a bully himself. Being able to care for his friends and family and being dependable to them. That seems like a man to me.

1

There is an English childrens' song that gives you the formula. You can find it in "The Wintersmith", a book by Terry Pratchett

1

What makes a man is what makes a good human. Man or woman.

Irene Level 4 Apr 21, 2018
1

I think maybe the conversation should be what makes us human beings?

1

Evolution. Change over time. We are all born Atheists. I agree below that only a woman can make a man. How she might do that when some people are born with both ovaries and testicles, both vaginae and penis protruding out past human pelvis. ... it's deceptive to assume that 2 xx or xy chromosones always crank out uterus products girls and boys like Henry Ford's production line factory. ....nurturing is hard wired into our arms.....give an Alzheimer patient a little dog, cat or plastic doll and all humans will reduce higher blood pressure holding a FELT HUMAN NEAREST OUR BREAST. ....love should always be a choice not a role play according to a patriarchal fake alleged gawd script

1

Integritry, honesty, courage.

1

LOL! The US male stereotype is different from that of the Asian male.

Asian men are usually androgyne, and although expected to be strong and stoic, here in Thailand men are usually also graceful, talented in music and art, highly emotional, love color and ceremony.

1

A pair of bollocks.at a biological level.

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