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For anyone who thinks that crap like this doesn't happen ( see the link), it does. Years ago, I corresponded with a guy on a dating site. He lived in St. Louis but wanted to drive down to see me. I agreed and we had lunch at Olive Garden and then, went to Barnes and Noble. As we chatted, I knew that I had NO interest in the guy. When we left BN, he grabbed me when we were barely out the door and tried to stick his tongue down my throat. I pushed him away, angry, and stalked to my car without looking at him. He followed behind me, saying, "I wanted to do that from the minute I saw you." I said not another word to him.

When he got back to St. Louis, he sent an email to me saying that since we were going to be seeing each other, I needed to pay for half the gas he would burn driving down to Springfield. I told him that there would be no second meeting and would not be seeing him again for several reasons, including the "kiss."

SOME men read into a woman what they want to see. Nothing quite this drastic has happened to me again (though I have a couple of other stories), but many men have assumed that because they were interested in me, I was automatically interested in them. They still do--had an incident just lately!

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Gwendolyn2018 9 Oct 3
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16 comments

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0

Unfortunately, when these things happen it really clouds a persons feelings about the opposite sex. It can also keep people from really getting to know one another and forming a position of trust. The guy was totally wrong but, at the same time, he might have made things harder for the next person and a meaningful relationship.

@Gwendolyn2018 More and more I am agreeing. My little sister left her husband, and Texass,of 35 years. She moved in with our brother who lives in N. Seattle (they are a different generation and basically grew up together). She then met someone online. They got along and bought a condo in Bellingham, just to the north of me. Now I get to be reconnected with this part of my family. However, she also had horror stories of her ex. He was Iranian and introduced my late partner (also from Iran). We knew him for years and he was a very sociable, outgoing guy who found a great job as a pilot for an obscure airline. Now my sister tells me he had always been abusive and lately, he had a major mid-life crises. He got testosterone cream from his doctor. He also started with an Iranian women (who is married to another Iranian - Dallass has the 2nd largest population of Iranians). She is 30 about half his, and her husbands age. My sister found out about this and he reverted to his extreme Iranian paternalism and told her she was supposed to obey him and do as she is told which included death. Later she started having serious health problems. When she went to her doctor he said she was being poisoned and it turned out his testosterone cream was being added to her food (he was the main cook). She hired a detective who videoed several things including the couple amending her car trunk to disengage the escape mechanism from the trunk. She brought the video to her attorneys who presented it in court and she was able to get a good settlement but a large portion of the money went to legal fees. She wants to file criminal charges and wants me to view the video and help. All this has become a total shock. She shared a thing from her Quorum account - How to negotiate with your abusive ex. She said it got a million hits. She also had another one which she would not share which she said got 2 million hits.
Seems, you can't trust anyone, especially men, in this day and age. I am hearing more an more stories like this and is is extremely disheartening. Seems this month of domestic violence awareness has taken on a heightened meaning for some.

1

Members of both sexes are susceptible to this phenomenon.

I often hear the stories of men who are "fake", "liars", and "players". And as often as not the story concludes with "he wasn't who I thought he was".

This guy's tongue behavior is INEXCUSABLE, but mistakenly thinking you were interested is no sin. Did you tell him you weren't interested?

Stories like this remind me of the women who so often show distrust and hostility to me. They probably had an experience like the one you described, and they're going to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Most women I meet don't give me ANY signals, so I know they're not interested. But then I tell my experiences here and women criticize me for assuming these non-signaling women aren't interested.

What does lack of communication mean?

@Gwendolyn2018 Wow. Why do so many men feel they have to push themselves on women? Must be a huge amount of a lack of self confidence among the male gender. However, years ago, I had a woman do this to me. She kept sending me mail and wanting to meet again. She even wrote a weird book of poetry and sent it to me. I ignored al the advances and she eventually gave up. But this was nothing compared to your stories. Unfortunately, and I'm sure you agree, a wall has been set up and any future guys have to really be on their best behavior.

@Gwendolyn2018 Interesting as I am feeling the same way. It's been over 5 years since my partner died. Even when she was alive she would go off island for teaching, traveling or visiting her family in Vancouver BC. I estimate between 3 to four months (not all at once). We both got used to our alone time. Now, with the pandemic I am again mostly alone. Having a new partner would be very difficult to take. A part time friend would be ideal. Throughout my life I have had many women friends. Perhaps I feel more comfortable being around women than men. One huge benefit with my last partner was she was the least shy person I have ever known. She was very assertive without being the least bit aggressive. This was a big revelation and I realize how important that is in any relationship.

These guys who can't deal with rejection really need to wake up. In life, rejection is the norm.

Sorry about bi-polarism in the family. My first partner has this problem and I see it has affected my daughter. I'm hoping I can get her to be more open to assertive communication with me as the guinea pig. She is having a hard time telling her, clueless, husband what she wants and how she feels.

@Gwendolyn2018 I have lived alone for some 13 years. There was usually a good social network + work so it wasn't totally alone, until now. It can work on one's psyche, though. In the friendship dept. we are very different.

2

I have never blamed a guy for trying, some are gentleman ly about it, others deserve a good swift kick, whatever is called for....
But somebody who ignores me/dismisses me when I am fat, and is all over me like a cheap suit when thin, has a Crappy sense of values & deserves scorn, period!
My own youngest brother ditched a Wonderful gal, who worshipped the gtound he walked on. She was quite short & had Huge boobs, which made her look heavy. Afterwards, she had breast reduction for her back pain & was Gorgeous...he, however, was by then married to a psycho who beats him. She's thin fhough......

1

What many do not realize is they can telegraph what to them is just an outgoing freewheeling joie de vivre that gets interpreted as a come on or real interest by the other person.
Some who have been in a dysfunctional family situation may approach a new person with a downward tilt of their head when they look at this new acquaintance. Men tend to see this as a flirtatious come on look when in reality it is not.
Being cautiously exuberant can seem flirtatious to many and that is were things can go awry.
I know when I moved into my current living situation I had to really tone down my happy joie de vivre as the narcissist jerks were a pest and some of the women thought I was a threat.
Just being a really happy carefree person can be misinterpreted.

@Gwendolyn2018 I find I can do a high arrogant stay the fuck away and don't even think of messing with me attitude when I need to. I can't keep it up for long but it can get me down the street and away.

@Gwendolyn2018 OH! I to lost wieght and responses changed.

0

I went on a few dates with a lass during summer, but delightful as they were, I never stuck my tongue down her throat straight away or indeed on any of the dates.
Friend zone stuff, read the body language.
Going on a date does not guarantee a kiss. Being married does not allow a man to have sex with 'HIS' wife when HE wants. Just be nice, if you're not sure, ask.
At work, I do housekeeping. It's not up to my female staff to do that because I'm a man and a low level boss. I can cook, clean, iron, make menu, and build a shopping list.

3

Looking at all the comments so far, it makes me wonder if the idea of mutual consent has gone out of fashion.

In my experience, the concept of mutual consent has never even registered with a lot of guys.

5

I met a guy on POF about 5 years ago. I agreedto meet him at a nightclub. During our phone calls we had discovered we both liked to dance and I actually went to school with his older brother so I felt I wasn't meeting a complete stranger. He walked up to me in the nightclub grabbed me and kissed me which kind of shocked me but it was more like a peck on the cheek because I turned my face. We danced several times and I enjoyed dancing with him. When I got ready to leave, he walked me to the car pushed me up against the fender and stuck his tongue down my throat. I pushed him halfway across the parking lot and he got the message.

😂😂😂😂😂😂 go Lora go , go Lora go !!! Yes !!!🙌🙌🙌 I will had punch him too . Yes !

5

What a asshole

5

Eeeww 🤢 what a dick . No . No ma’am . I can’t believe u even answer his email . U are too polite .
I am not .

3

Arrogant SOB isn't he. Problems here that so many of us do not see is that none of us actually see a situation the same way. We think we do, but we really do not. In your case the arrogant man assumed he would be driving to Springfield to see you. Horrible behavior.

2

Not sure just how many years ago this was because you aren't precise but it still doesn't account for his horrible behavior, especially in a book store, sacrilege! I think you should get to know a person for a year or two before getting emotionally involved. Dining at Olive Garden should have been a tip off but love is blind.

@Gwendolyn2018 Women definitely do it too, been down that road as well and I can tell you that turning women down is every bit as upsetting for them as it is when the shoe is on the other foot, perhaps more so. It's assumed that most men are prepared to sleep with any women willing to offer the opportunity, maybe for the jerks and knuckledraggers of the world but not for many men. Sorry about your luck but at least he didn't call you a lesbian because you rejected his advances, I've had my sexual preference called into question several times just because I wasn't interested in a woman who was interested in me. I'm not all that but I am particular and think it is important to have an emotional connection with a woman before becoming intimate with her.

@Gwendolyn2018 My money's on "didn't want to".

@Gwendolyn2018 It's a very common perspective that most men are little more than a wallet and a life support system for a penis but that doesn't make it so. I've always maintained that women are deciding factor in most sexual encounters, they are the ones making the decision to go ahead or not, men just like to think that they are the initiators. Silly rabbits, Trix are for kids.
The whole knight in shining armour rescuing fair damsel in distress narrative is so overblown that it makes a good story line for a Disney production. If I were a knight it would be a dark one in battered armour that's been tempered by dragon breath and if my wife were a Princess then dragons would tremble in her presence. lol

@Gwendolyn2018 I try to focus on the future and on the positive, although it is not always an easy task. I agree that there are men that want to be wallets and shining knights because that's the archetype they were raised with, equally there are Barbies and Disney Princess out in the world as well. As a feminist from an early age I have always felt that if my partner, my mother, sister, daughter can't be as free as I am then I can never really be free either.

1

Inappropriate question here about Stephanie Cashion, the Kansas Republican and victim in the linked article; Now does she believe all those women who were assaulted by Donald Trump? & does it change her support of him?

I truly sympathize, because nobody should have to go through this (including you, Gwen, I can't stress how horrible your incident was as well & how these things make me ashamed for my whole gender), but there's also a definite feeling of chickens coming home to roost. When you rooted for and fundraised on behalf of someone who was proud of grabbing women by the... well, we all know how that quote ends..., is it surprising when the men in your party try to follow his example?

@Gwendolyn2018 Thank you, I do like to believe I'm a gentleman. If there were more like me, eh?

@Gwendolyn2018 As for Ms Cashion, I'm sure she was one of those who gave the "he said, she said" line, or made the excuse that people were only out to "get" Trump once he went into politics, or (worst of all) thought that, him being a celebrity, women were throwing themselves at him in some way and blaming him for it later. We've seen all those excuses, haven't we... not just in Trump's case either.

6

I got really damned tired of being expected to be "grateful" for any attention some men decided to show me. Hell, I got tired of their expectations in general.

I'd rather be alone than having to continually explain why I'm not interested, for whatever reason.

It doesn't matter why I'm not interested in anyone. I don't owe anyone an explanation for anything.

2

I had a similar experience. He was grabbing my ass in a public restaurant too. Couldnt wait to be rid of him.

2

I know it's out of context, but "a man sees what he wants to see". Sigh.

Not all men are ass wipes like these guys. I know quite a few that are perfect gentlemen.

@K9Kohle789 Idiots out to get their jollies and laugh about getting away with it. This "boys will be boys" attitude needs to be changed in their rearing. Yes, I blame those who rear men to be like this for it, by saying that old quote. I hate the double standard where they tell the boys to go out and get as laid as much as possible, but call the girls sluts for the SAME thing!

4

all the freaking time. Why I don't even bother to try anymore

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