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Merely reading a profile...
I don't like admitting this, it seems to be an emotional response....
I recently read a profile that pushed Soooo many wrong buttons for me that I wanted to block this person without ever having interacted with them.
I really disliked my first response, am not sure how to deal.
Any thoughts or advice?
UPDATE
This is to offer some thoughts on the dialogue so far, and enlightenments achieved.
Synopsis:
As you saw, I had a very negative response to , and only to, a profile.
I was unprepared for the venomous emotions I felt, so I had an immediate desire to block this person, tho I did not do so.
Shortly after, I posted this, (and as I now see) sought to understand the experience.
I truly appreciate all the thoughts, and gained insight thru most of them.
One poster, in particular, turned on that light bulb, when she suggested the words of the bio reminded me of someone else.
I saw at once that she was correct, that the bio reminded me of a horrid past relationship.
And tho I'm in almost complete disagreement with everything in that bio, I'm happy I didn't block that person for no reason other than my dislike, cause this discussion helped me wake up to that particular reactive part of me, and defuse it!

njoy_life_2 7 May 19
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33 comments

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9

I say trust your gut.

You can block someone for any reason. You don't have to justify it, and often out gut is right. So far mine has never been wrong, when I've erred on the side of not blocking, I regret it. Life is too short to be stressed in every space in your life.

Makes a lot of sense, Ava. I have no reason to do anything yet, .. Really, not even to have started this post, except it was such a vivid repulsion

8

I’m actually not seeing the downside of just blocking on a whim. People are not here seeking justice or health care, it’s purely social. If you don’t feel comfortable with someone or feel disinterested what is the harm in just avoiding them and saving you both irritation? I feel like ideally we are sorting ourselves towards compatible people so we can have enjoyable interaction, that’s a good thing, maybe blocking helps it.

Tell me if I’m missing the point.

It’s not like refusing to speak with someone at a party, even if it feels that way. We have already blocked everyone who wouldn’t go to an agnostic site by being here, yes? That’s kind of the point. So on some level we all agree to the community standard that blocking is not bad.

Lots of sense and good points in your post, and ty for them. I think I wasn't clear enough on my post, since, upon thinking on the issue, it was/is my strong reaction, I was concerned about.
Luckily, a commenter below had helpful thoughts

7

I'm not sure what buttons were being pushed, but my mom used to tell me often, "I may have pushed your buttons, but I didn't install them."

If you're not forced to interact with that person, then there's no need to block. If that person is saying something unethical or illegal, then it would be right to flag that so that the Administrators could take a look. But we all have a lot of buttons. Lots and lots of buttons. I personally am just one giant sack of sore buttons. 😉

Am tempted to "push, push , push"
But I won't.
Ty for your advice, Benthoven and thank your mom, if possible!

7

I have been criticized for having a trigger finger on the block button but if the impression was that strong unless you have something to prove I don't see anything wrong with blocking them. If you were at a party and someone affected you negatively it would be reasonable to go to another room

7

There's not enough information to go on...

6

I really appreciate your comments guys.
@Buddha @Mitch07102 @Simon1 ( no, I can't do that, because it wouldn't be fair, as I'd only read the profile, never interacted) @KKGator @musicman2803 @Petter (no, I didn't block, no reason to, cept that first gut reaction, and I won't let that rule me) @btroje ( I agree, but won't block unless it would be more definitive) @ellatynemouth ( I hope this clarifies a bit more)
I think it shook me that much, because it was so strongly emotional, not logical. I don't recall this happening this way before, online or r/l. Lol @ me

6

Just keep scrolling and never let the assholes get you down.
We all live in the real world, and the real world has lots of assholes in it.
I have no one blocked, although I am blocked by several.
Don't sweat it.

5

Your first response is probably correct: This is not a person you would want to have anything to do with. He or she is also not the kind of person you want to see on this site. Nothing wrong with that.

Ty Walt, I did accomplish something re posting this experience.
Plz read my update above, as it was enlightening to me.

5

If it is their profile just let them be, you do not have to interact with them. If they comment in a way that makes you feel threatened when they are replying to either one of your comments or one of your posts, block them. And it may be helpful to you to understand why you are having such a strong reaction. We all react in different ways to different things. If the profile reminded you of something bad from your past I can understand why you would feel upset. But everyone's voice is different

You may be right Amelie! The trigger of an old relationship!
Ty so much!

5

Sometimes you need to go with your gut feelings..

@NotConvinced
It wouldn't hurt this person, either way. But I just don't want to be ruled by random irrational emotions, so I won't block wo cause.

@NotConvinced ...sometimes.

5

Don't block them, just accept that they are not your particular scene.

4

There can be as much value in the blink of an eye as in months of rational analysis. Malcolm Gladwell
Your first response is probably correct, even if you can't ever figure out why.
That being said, you may be wrong, but don't worry about it.

Ty George, yet I did accomplish something re posting this experience.
Plz read my update above, as it was enlightening to me.

4

I'm a blocker. I'll accept criticism, but if it veers into insult or abuse then I check their profile and if there are no mitigating circumstances, it's a block. Also if their values are reprehensible to me. I'm here for fun and conversation and not interested in other people's darkness.

Yes, Garth, the "values" of this person and mine weren't just at odds, they were like Saturn and an atomic bomb. No connection whatsoever.

Yes Gareth I agree completely.

@njoy_life_2 "Garth" is a nice name too! 😉

@Gareth
Uh oh, I goofed. "Gareth" is a much better name, especially for you!
But this isn't the worst name mistake I've made here. Wish I could share that stupid goof, but don't want to use people's names wo their permission.
"Still friends?" she groveled?
😉

@njoy_life_2 Pax vobiscum

@Gareth
🙂

4

I appreciate hearing what’s likely a shared response. Some appear to expect others to reject them, thus project a purposefully aggressive or negative persona. If they have no positive interactions, that in itself fulfills their prophecy.

If on the other hand, someone was turned on by ‘them at their worst,’ maybe their filter of sorts worked; here’s someone damaged enough to want them… I’m not into reading profiles, what they post and how they interact with others tells me about all that’s necessary to determine how much time I’d care to spend with them 🙂

Varn Level 8 May 19, 2018

Ty Varn, I see your point.

4

You don;t control them, and their words have only the impact you allow-and that's up to you. If they are rude, disrespectful etc. block them.

4

There are many good people on the site and many other places to exchange ideas, to meet your match etc. Either ignore or block, if that person is bugging you. It is not worth the bother or being angry... Enjoy yourself.

3

The people on this site, the majority, make me so proud!
The fault in the beginning of this post, was mine, (my issues, not the innocent bio writer.)
You guys stood by me, offered thoughts and (lol, not prayers, lol) advice. You helped me get thru a minor, but still rough moment here.
You-all amaze me with your willingness to be here, for (as Edgeward said) a complete stranger. I have damp eyes as I write this.
You all make this world better!
Remember that, you're important.

3

I have only seen this post since your update.
I agree with some other comments that your gut instinct probably serves you well. Very smart move on your part though not to block. Your initial instinct was obviously a learned response response from previous interactions with other people. Often our minds learn a response from one situation then apply it to a similar one in the future where it may not be appropriate. You avoided this pitfall, well done.

Ty Rugglesby, sometimes it is painful, sometimes it just smarts a little, when we learn stuff. But it's better to learn.

3

Well since people tend to write bios in a positive light, some even "kitten fishing" (just learned that term recently) I've no reservations about blocking whoever, whenever. There are TOO MANY GREAT people on here if you're serious about meeting, to waste your precious time on those you find repugnant.

That's not to say I'm a "Block-a-holic"

I've been inexplicably blocked myself! By people I liked on here! Why? I'll never know, I may have suspicions (not a wordsmith, can come off snarky) but figure people have their reasons and it's better to spare me giving someone, particularly a "stranger" , needless energy should I or they find one another distasteful.

90% of my blocks have "religious" stated in the profile that msg'd me or they appear flat out fake. There ARE "fishers" here. The rest are a mix of reasons, mostly annoying.. the others are due to personal quirks of mine, not necessarily the person's fault.

I'm honoured - you give ME likes. 😉 😉
Thank you.

@Petter LOL ??? Not sure if serious but I'll just hope that was a compliment. 😀 😀 😀

Ty Qualia, your thoughts are helpful and valid.
I did accomplish something re posting this experience.
Plz read my update above, as it was enlightening to me.

@Qualia It was. and as a special "treat" I added some fun flavourings. 😉 Lol

@Petter Ok doll 🙂 I'll take your word for it 😀

@Qualia 🙂 😉

I'm almost afraid to ask, kitten fishing?
Plz don't say, if it harms kittens

@njoy_life_2 It's when people fudge their profiles w/photos, wrong ages, being artificially "light hearted". IOW the packaging is very misleading... I let some core stuff "all hang out" on mine, dealbreaker stuff, so those with those traits and the ones who would find my basic "quirks" dealbreakers can save us all time. It's kinda... probably a little harsher than it should be but I don't want to be msging certain types in pursuit of a relationship only for them to say find out that I hate TNR with a bloody passion or something LOL. Friends, people i like, another story...

eta: I'm sweaty, dirty w/mismatched socks in one of my profile pics. It was "puppy nanny day" and sure I smelled like poopy puppies too. LOL Can't deal with me & no makeup? Think I'm going to show up to a meeting busted? TaTa!

@Qualia
Love your attitude! Yes, it's much less complicated, messy and hurtful to be honest.

3

Not sure I am following..... Let me recap and correct me where I may have gone off the road...
1.- You read a profile
2.- You didn't like it (details don't matter)
3.- You thought about blocking
4.- But haven't even interacted with "them"
5.- You said "them" ... Is it more than one?

I am still lost... What is it that you are asking? Maybe I shouldn't have been up all night watching Meghan & Harry or I haven't had enough coffee yet and its 4 pm already.... Don't know what to tell you. Sorry, can't help

Sorry but why write such useless dribble? Really if you truly do not understand then try to think about it before writing useless crap that wastes everyone's time. You are like someone at an accident who stands in the way or help telling the person bleeding to death you cannot help.

Lol, not enough coffee!
It was the odd, extreme negative response of mine which took me aback.

  • not in order -
    "Them" is to keep their privacy, as this is my issue, not theirs.
    If this still is of any generic interest to you, you may enjoy noting that one poster below did, indeed, help me identify the cause.
    That profile reminded me of a previous very, very negative relstionship

@njoy_life_2 not a laughing matter, I am still drinking more coffee..... Naaahhh... It IS a laughing matter. See, you have answer your own question !!!! Do not take things so seriously.... Life's too short..... ????

@IamNobody
Ty, (PS, you are very much somebody)

3

That's why people have profiles, so others can get a preview of the person. You don't have to like the preview, and you can react however you want without explaining. You can't control a feeling, only how you react to it.

Ty zeuser, I'm trying to keep the reactions from ruling my behaviour,.

3

Message me who it was so I can have a laugh .....lol

2

Yeay ! Grown up thinking in the crowd!
Trying to be funny but here I am proud of a complete stranger for working through issues and being insightful!
I wanna be you when I grow up!
Good work!
Take a deep breath-

Thank you Edgeward.
For your support and for making me laugh.
I need to give you a shout out, and the others here who've helped.
Thank you so much.

2

I do not block someone strictly by what their bio says, but will do so if I observe ill or harassing behavior directed at another person or if someone makes perverse comments/uploads vulgar photos. Sounds like you made the right choice.

Ty Spike

2

Go with your gut instinct. It is said that what one dislikes in another is what we dislike about ourselves. I half believe and half disbelieve while there is truth to this statement is is not absolute. It is important to always be open to change and enlightenment about oneself. For me if someone is openly racist against anyone that is absolutely a trigger and blocked as I am not trying to change others as I have too much on my plate with me. I grew up a bigot and have spent 45 years trying to deprogram myself and I do look for support and forgiveness.

Yeah I don't agree with that at all. Just one example my MIL hates me because I"m the complete opposite of her. It's not because I've any negative traits like hers LOL (our respective "negative" traits do not play well with each other...at all)

In another world there are those I have deep dislike for.... it's not because I'm jealous. LOL Quite the opposite. It's because of some serious philosophical difference in a topic I am passionate about. NOT jealousy. LOL

Ty for your thoughts. There is a lit of truth in that mirroring aspect, let me provide a synopsis..
As you saw, I had a very negative response to , and only to, a profile.
I was unprepared for the venomous emotions I felt, so I had an immediate desire to block this person, tho I did not do so.
Shortly after, I posted this, (and as I now see) sought to understand the experience.
I truly appreciate all the thoughts, and gained insight thru most of them.
One poster, in particular, turned on that light bulb, when she suggested the words of the bio, reminded me of someone else.
I saw at once that she was correct, that the bio reminded me of a horrid past relationship.
And tho I'm in almost complete disagreement with everything in that bio, I'm happy I didn't block that person for no reason other than my dislike, cause this discussion helped me wake up to that reactive part of me, and defuse it!

@njoy_life_2 There are a couple on here like that, where I stopped short, and am glad I did.
Good lesson you've shared. This is all new territory for me.
In my "other" world, having spent enough time in it, once someone ticks off enough bad boxes I write them off.
I'm still trying to 'honor' my gut instincts tho, as they're rarely wrong.

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