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Are you an "overlapper"?

How many "overlaps" have you had in your life?
I've got one in my history. In fairness I was "pushed" the one time, by a scary controlling boyfriend I should have NEVER been with...but it's still there.
My own mother is a habitual "overlapper" (has someone lined up before she leaves), with only one or two alone periods that I'm aware of in her life. I'm not this way, at all, but am beginning to see it's more common than I ever imagined.
No judgment from me on this post. Just curious.
(there are articles on this with a google search)

ps. I'd put "other" for gender fluid but it maxed out the options 😟 It only gives 8 and notice too many options in a poll don't seem to work as it is?

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Qualia 8 May 31
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35 comments (26 - 35)

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3

Nope, only long periods between for me. It does, however, seem commonplace.

I think it is too.

3

Haven't overlapped in 8 years

Being alone is good, but sometimes I get lonely and wonder if I will ever be part of a couple again. That said, as I have stated here before, I would much rather be alone and lonely occasionally than be one of a couple and be lonely all the time.

2

No, I got divorced because my wife overlapped for four years, that I know of. The night I confronted her and got the truth I picked up the roses I had gotten her for Valentine’s Day, gently placed them in the garbage, walked out and got laid ...after an unknown amount of drinking! I’m not proud that I did that but I was not thinking clearly, I also don’t regret it... was me doing that an overlap?, I don’t think so.

An "overlap" is a cheat at the end of a relationship that turns into a relationship in itself. It's not a "one off" or even a "two off", but a dirty transition into something else.

2

Wish I had someone to overlap on....and someone to overlap to.

2

I'm an "other" so there's no category for me, but since I'm demisexual, I've not only not overlapped but I've never wanted ANY relationships.

Men always had to work very hard to win me over, and it takes over a year before I feel sexual attraction for anyone, and then it's only for that one person. I presume I could be won over by a woman as well, but so far only men have been that persistent.

I'm really sorry about this poll Birdingnut. I've several "other" friends in real life who are VERY dear to my heart. I'm a little ashamed about not including an apology in the poll, but hope that people read this comment and know i meant no harm. I love my "other" friends so much.

1

Wow, I'd never heard this term before. Kudos on you for being non judgy, but as someone who was devastated by a habitual overlapper, I don't share your equanimity on this behavior.

I understand. I wouldn't like it either and didn't the one time that I know it happened to me.

1

I love to overlap, cuts out the hurt feeling in between !

For you maybe... were you not thinking of the partners you were two-timing?

I really think it's more common than people want to admit.

Sarcasm?

@Julie808
Not two timing, overlapping ? Read the question !

@Qualia
I believe that too !

@AstralSmoke
Could be, you decide !

Wait... isn't that like going out and getting a "new" dog when the old one gets sick and isn't likely to make it? I always wait for the old one to go before I start looking to rescue a "new" one. Nevermind that I've ended up with three now! 😉

@mtnhome
Choices, choices, choices, damn those damn choices ! Lol

@mtnhome That's a fair analogy. We have an "overlap" dog. LOL Acquired in part because I know how I am when losing a pet. It takes me forever to get another one and having spent too many of my best years dogless, not a lot of time to do that waiting thing. So knowing I'd be a basket case when the time came we'd lose our old girl, got a puppy boy, but not before she was too old to handle being around another dog, and we gave her plenty of "old lady" time away from him. They were separated during the day for his 1st year, because he was relentless & the off switch didn't hit until around 7pm.

So yeah, say someone has decided a relationship is on life support, you've done your utmost, but it's dying and you've lost your will to make it better, or the other person makes you feel hopeless about fixing it. I can totally see it being like "asking you to fire them" from "the job" of being in a relationship with you. Unless the primary relationship gets "new life" injected into it in a timely manner, the trajectory is set in motion to exit.

As we get older I can see the potential for this sort of thing to be a means to reduce for lack of a better word, the refractory period. (I'm tired & just getting home winding down so not 100%atm)

1

This is my first introduction to the word. I am in a situation whereby I now have a phrase that could explain some confusion. Thank you.

You're welcome. I just came across the term myself when contemplating someone I'm seeing...(they are involved but are putting a fair amount of effort in me) . Then is dawned on me that some people just do this thing. I'm horrible at having to watch myself "projecting" even in naivete "I wouldn't do this so why would anyone else???" then my Mom's history gave me this epiphany. She was a full out poacher too. Something I find disgusting.

I'm a little angry at my "friend", because he was coy about his situation until he had me ass deep in "feels". Then broke the news. So now I'm in this jacked situation where i'm the "other woman" and I fucking hate it. but hope to meet someone else before I'm just ruined & too deep in it. At least for distraction purposes? Someone to have fun with???

0

I'm not sure what is meant by overlapper in this context.

An overlap is another relationship started before the last one is completely disengaged.

0

Yeah.... Haven't been single since I was 18.

Now, I kind of wish I had been though.

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