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Here is a question for men: how do you react to a woman crying? Not because she saw something sappy on tv, but because things hurt her.

RapidCityKelly 6 June 1

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Depends, genuine emotional and empathetic sorrow I will comfort, crying because she is hurt because she did not get her own way and is trying to elicit sympathy and her own way after all, will be ignored.

I use the word she here in a generic form of address to indict any or all individuals being considered within the context of the given discussion.
It is not meant to indicate any specific individual, rather emotional type or types.
As to your specific inquiry the persons in question are being referred to in terms of their emotion maturity rather than biological age, and their motivation for genuine or faux emotional reaction.
In this context, it is perfectly possible for anyone, of any gender to behave with the the emotional maturity of a person of any age for nefarious reasons of their own especially for the emotional manipulation of the the gullible.

This is so typical. Sad. You must think women are world class cry on demand creatures. smh

No not all women, but some can and do, so do some men and most children can.
People emotionally manipulate other people, it is a fact that has given rise to some of the world's greatest literature.

You not liking a fact does not make it untrue

@LenHazell53 Same to you Len.... I'm not a "crier on demand" so this is a judgment call to me. I NEVER cried at ANYTHING much before motherhood. It's all hormones and a larger "library" of emotions I've had since. I am cellophane and have trouble having a "poker face" as it is. HOLDING IN A CRY, is a HERCULEAN EFFORT for me.
I've never known or met a "fake crier", but I've met my share of people who think it's fake. I don't keep relationships with those types of people if I can help it. Period.

I'm sorry if you feel attacked or judged, I don't know you and made no call about you personally whatsoever, I was speaking generally and from experience.
I have been married twice and my first wife could turn on the tears as easily as turning on a tap to get her own way with her father, it did not work with her mother or sister who would simply tell her to belt up, and she did, it was remarkable to see.
I've known other people capable of doing this before and since, as a trained actor I can do it myself, but have never used it off stage and never would lie like that to another person.
My point was simply yes I am empathic to another person's distress and will assist any way I can, but given good reason to believe it is not genuine, I will ignore it, I do not like emotional games from anyone as it does a disservice to them and to people's feelings generally.

@LenHazell53 I think the "disbelief" based on comments from men in particular on here is very telling.
Here's one scenario I experienced: After months of fighting a serious issue with one of my dogs was referred to a "double certified veterinary dermatological specialist", one of only two in the country. After 5 months of being at my wit's end broke into tears in the exam room.
This no soul motherfucker was so cold to me as I was bawling my head off, and I paid $800 for the "privilege" of his prescribing a dangerous antibiotic AND his disgusting reaction to my emotional exhaustion. Which I won't go into here but suffice it to say I hope he dies a horrible miserable death and I will NEVER set foot in his office again nor recommend him to anyone.
So yes, it's very common, this heartless POV when people crack to the point of tears.

I'm a shitty actress. Couldn't act my way out of a paper bag. I'd have to play myself if I was in anything. ...

@Qualia strikes me as asperergers


Sit beside her and let her know she isn't alone. My first instinct would be to hold her and tell her she is important and valuable no matter what happened. The first part requires permission the remainder requires a soft heart and lots of empathy, which I hope I have enough. I always assume she got the shit end of the stick, she doesn't need rescued, just some company.

@Faithless1 A kind word and/or a hug costs nothing and should be distributed willingly.


I want to hold her in my arms and let her know that it is OK to cry and that she is loved. I would react the same way with a man.

@RapidCityKelly I am also an emotional person. I cry in movies and can tear up at certain literary works.
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving


I have to work extra hard to not immediately go into mr. Fix-It mode. I learn the best thing to do is to be supportive and just listen. Reflect her feelings and acknowledge them. Only way later do I ask permission to give advice.

It's not too much to ask... But just like you are wired to do that, guys are wired to be problem solvers. Recognizing that and letting a guy know what you expect is the biggest favour ever.


If she is a lover or a loved one I feel sad for her and want to comfort her. I always want to fix the problem but sometime I can’t. I just have to be supportive.

Well put

@Millerski25 Thank you sir


I embrace her and tell her how sorry I was that she was hurt. If it were true I would also tell her of the anger I felt at those who hurt her. Then, I would ask what I could do to help.


My first response it to ask what happened, and to listen. Where it goes from there (an ear, a shoulder, a helping hand) depends on what she needs, can accept, and/or ask for.


Comfort them, unless l made them cry because l was ending something. It is very difficult to leave and comfort simultaneously. ☺


In most cases, I would try to offer comfort and assistance. There are exceptions.

JimG Level 8 June 1, 2018

Hugs and kind words are usually in order .


I'd play that song for her, big girls don't cry then throw chocolate at her from a safe distance.

Nardi Level 7 June 1, 2018

ROTFL Awful...but funny. AND I am deeply ashamed at myself for laughing so hard at it. 😟


If it's somebody at work I'll just say something like:"Can I get you anything?" Don't want to pry but don't want to appear indifferent either.


Not all men are the same, and neither are women. And how do women respond to men crying?

I really hate these tests of white knight chivalry. They stink of 50s stereotypes.

I shed tears when my wife died at home,and still get the waterworks going, thinking of the suffering she did,organs shutting down, fading slowly away....


I'm sorry. No one should have to suffer like that in this day and age. That must have been so tough. I hope you're OK.

@Ellatynemouth I was not easy,no kids but her Son is a money hungry drug using monster,yes he helped with her toward the end, but he's a thief,never telling the truth always want you want to hear,seldom correct. I have no need for him,rejecting his many attempts of contact.


Stick to your guns.


I try to be understanding, but at the same time, if it happens while talking with someone I am dating, it is hard to have an effective conversation with someone in tears.


Poke with a stick and throw ice-cream ????


My ex-wife of 17 years only cried when she was losing an argument and wanted to pull the tear card. Made me a tearful cynic...

Why were you even arguing with her? That dooms the relationship.

"John Gottman, a well known marriage researcher, and his colleagues followed 130 newlywed couples for six years to find what marriages succeeded and why. Turns out, happy, stable marriages had one thing in common: The husband was willing to accept his wife's influence.

In contrast, when husbands responded to their wives' complaints by stonewalling or belittling them, the marriage was almost sure to fail: More than four-fifths of those relationships — 81 percent — fell apart."

So they found out that if a man doesn't listen to his wife in everything, the marriage will end.

It sounds like he thought women were relationship nazis.

@birdingnut huge amount of attraction and compatibility but wasn't very good with money or other people's feelings. Little headstrong too. Only said I'm sorry twice in 17 years. I believe your statement very much to be true, as long as she was always right things went great.

@JazznBlues It's from evolution; if women stay with men who don't listen to them, she and her children are likely doomed-best to cut her losses early and move on.

Left to themselves, we get men like Trump.

@birdingnut somewhat ironic what you said because one of the red flags I look for in a woman is does she actually hear me and give what I'm saying weight. Watching her actions afterwards lets me know if she's self-absorbed and selfish, thinking only about her wants or does she factor my needs into the relationship also. Will never settle for anything less than a true partnership in the future. Probably means I'll be single for the rest of my life. Which is fine, as long as I have gal pals to hang out with.


If she is close, i am hugging. And KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT!

NEVER say anything to a crying person. Let them cry until they are done. Then can come words.


My Achilles heel, I cannot say no to a crying woman, I do anything to stop the crying. Long story but it has become part of me, and to be honest, I don't like it.

That is why they do it.

Emotional terrorists.. Nothing more.

Snort and walk away.

That is what they deserve.

Why argue with her? That dooms the relationship.

"John Gottman, a well known marriage researcher, and his colleagues followed 130 newlywed couples for six years to find what marriages succeeded and why. Turns out, happy, stable marriages had one thing in common: The husband was willing to accept his wife's influence.

In contrast, when husbands responded to their wives' complaints by stonewalling or belittling them, the marriage was almost sure to fail: More than four-fifths of those relationships — 81 percent — fell apart."

So they found out that if a man doesn't listen to his wife in everything, the marriage will end.

@Faithless1 Don't even try. You don't deserve any right to tell me how to live.


I see it as emotional blackmail when they don't get their way 95% of the time.

Just like that Becky woman calling the cops on the picnic and then going to tears when her ploy wasn't working.

If there is a real emotion trauma? Tears are fine.

Tears because you are losing an argument make me never want to be in the same room with you again.

It's a chap emotion tool.

I have to confess that I'm vulnerable to this sort of thing and I feel awkward about it.

@ErikGunderson I really cannot be around anyone over two that turns to tears when they don't get their way.

It is just as vile as violence.

@Faithless1 If you give legitimacy to the tears of a racist who tried to get a peaceful black family arrested?

Yeah. I hope she is stressed for the rest for the rest of her racist life.

Caught in your racist bullshit on camera may be stressful.



I normally don't come across many women crying but at work I have had a few cry while I'm talking to them. Most of the time I just freeze up and don't know what to say; I just let them cry it out. The reason they are crying is they just found out they are pregnant and are starting to realize what that means for them. After they stop crying, I will talk to them about it. Try to make them feel better about what's to come.

Yeah, never say anything until they do.

I suppose being pregnant is a big deal.


I never know how to react to anyone crying. I'd probably be more prone to react to whatever hurt the person rather than their outward reaction to it though.


Annoyed. Most women I have seen cry are being manipulative.

Make sure you tell this to every woman you meet. Report back how many want to talk to you again.


Gads, this one is one that weirds me out, in a big way... and I noticed it when I was married and my wife and I discussed it. It's not bad, just... weird.

I have a physical reaction that is close to arousal. My wife thought it was a protective instinct sort of thing, which I can't deny but... why arousal?

Hmm, come to think of it, I can not confirm that this is true when any woman cries, just that she was hurt one day, stress, another failed attempt at pregnancy, insert reason here, and I was moved to comfort her and... well, even before I got there. I do not recall this happening with other women but I DO always want to render assistance. I am moved to help.

Good grief why can't that happen to me. LOL

I don't have good experiences with men understanding why women cry. It's a stress reaction.


I’m a sensitive and intuitive man but having said that my field has been psychiatry and mental health 30 years as an RN so supporting and listening is my key to working and helping women. My area of expertise was abused women and children, often contacting CPS and APS as well as Tarasoff


I try to offer comfort and support, but I'm bad at doing that.

Honest answer


With Respect, Honor, and Servitude, Time and Space until She Wishes... to Speak. If this is an endearing moment of a shared event then I will console her. The point being, when a loved one becomes emotional, sensitivity is the correct response.

Etre Level 7 June 1, 2018
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