You need to have confidence that she will honor your position. If she doesn't you both have a rocky road ahead. Be true to your core values or you may later resent her for nudging you away from them.

I don't think you're being unreasonable and here's why.

You're not resisting for the reason that you're not willing to compromise. You're doing so because of the degree to which this matters to her, and the subsequent impact it may have on your life. If she really wanted you to wear a purple suit to match a purple theme wedding, you might go along, as there are no life impacting consequences (other than maybe a chuckle from your friends), but this is different.

Religion and its practices are things people organise their entire lives around. This will likely mean fulfilling other religious obligations along the way as well. If you have children they will have to be baptized, have first communion, then their confirmation for which you'll need a sponsor. There will be a godmother and godfather. You will also have obligations to these people as well. I was raised Catholic.. it matters.

You may be asked to attend church on holidays and she may insist your children go weekly. Who knows? She may, or may not, but this insistance sounds like it may be a deal breaker if denied.

I don't know how two people with conflicting beliefs on religion make it work when they are vastly different world views.

I think it's also important that you look at this from another perspective so that you can also be very honest with her. If you really don't want religion in your lives together, going forward, she should know that. She should know what you're willing to do and not to do for the sake of religion. Because, it doesn't end at the baptism before marriage - it's just where it begins.

Best of luck.

Love is compromise. Tell her how you are uncomfortable with it and maybe there's a different way. Maybe an outdoor wedding or something. If she blatantly refuses to even consider it and refuses to compromise then maybe it's best to not marry or break up, because then she obviously cares more about her own desires than you

Easy way out, get baptized. It's not a big deal to pretend.....what you really have to weight in is what else will be coming at you going forward. Will you be able and willing to handle it as well?

Wedding is the smaller of the problems here . Wedding brings kids . Kids bring responsibilities to teach and provide w options and choices . If wife religious and imposing to u , an adult , what do u think will be the fate of your potential kids ?

Civil marriage is the best solution here. can't imagine anyone getting baptized in catholic church

Only you know what it is worth to you. What are the implications after you are married. What if it doesn't work, half of marriages end in divorce, and a large part of that other half stay together in spite of the fact it may not be a good relationship. The Catholic church frowns on divorce more than murder. If she won't compromise on this, what other big decisions will she not be willing to compromise on. Follow your gut.

Any ritual, in any religion, is meaningless unless you put the meaning into it. If it were me I would participate in this ritual for the sake of my loved one. It would mean a great deal to her and her family and mean absolutely nothing to me and just a show of support. I do think I would make it clear that you are doing it solely for her benefit and it will mean nothing to you.

If it was me, I'd go ahead and get baptised, since it doesn't mean anything anyway. But you should be concerned about her insistence on a religious rite. It may prove to be more problematic later down the line.

I think it depends....is she ok with you not having religion in your life? Or is this step one to get you into her church. If it's just for venues sake, no worries. If it's about forcing you into a religion you don't want.....I'd be careful

I would have never done this when I was younger, but now I think its less important. I say "go for it", provided you have all discussions before hand. In particular-- will you be expected to attend church, will the children be raised religious, etc. Other than that, its just a ceremony that isn't very important.

The first thought that came to me after reading your post was I wonder if your girlfriend was willing to compromise. Only you know if you can live with yourself if you go ahead with her wishes.

Unless one of you changes over time this conflict will come up again and again in various circumstances. So you need to figure out if one or both of you are expecting the other to change, because while some religious folks chill out over time you have to both go into the marriage figuring that the other person ISN'T going to change.

If you love her then you will have to make some consesions. No, I am not saying it will be easy.

I would refuse to be married by a potential pedophile.

Dude I went to pre marriage counseling at my now ex wife church so we could get married there and even pretended to be a believer. Just so she could have the wedding of her dreams. The wedding is all about the bride. If you love her do what you have to in order to give her this. It won’t make you any lass a heathen Just make sure you have one hell of a bachelor party so it’s worth it you too.

My father was in the exact same position as you mention. He approached the Catholic church and asked if he could get married while keeping his own faith but was told he had to become Catholic in order to marry my Mom. He refused and my Mother instead changed her faith. Regardless of the religious approvals, they were happily married and stayed that way till my mom's passing. Don't let religion get in the way of your life.

You do what you feel is right for you. If you truly love her and want to do it.It will make her dream come true. After the wedding just tell the church to fuck off. They will excommunicate you from the church.
But really we all have lots of advice and opinions about it but really it is your life, your girl, your marriage.
BTW I was Catholic before I was born. Lol

I have been atheist / agnostic for many decades. It was important to my wife that our kids were baptized, in order to do this we had to both go the catechism school. I was NOT allowed to ask any questions. This was about 20 years ago now. I found the whole process to be amusing and as I said it was important to my wife, She has never asked me to do anything of this sort again, our children are grown and agnostic / atheist.

My comment got cut off. You have to decide if you feel like she is going to push farther and how far you are willing to go.

relationships are attachments. attachments cause suffering. you are stronger without.

You are the bigger person by being true to who you are. A non believer. What are you bringing to the marriage? A deep dive needed here. This isn't about her- this is all you.

Good luck. Sometimes the right thing is the hardest.

If you've already had sex before the wedding then becoming a Catholic would damn you for all eternity. Ask her if that's what she wants.

Boy...what a tight squeeze you have put yourself in! Because, this is such a big issue (for both of you), I would put the marriage on hold for now! This relationship needs some more experience with the tension that these different life perspectives will bring on! Wouldn’t you want to know how they will work together...since they are very different! You will need skill and not just romantic love here! My best to you both!

You have to wonder why she would put such a condition on you getting married to her. If you agree to that, what else will she ask of you? The wedding should be what you both want rather than what she wants.