Passive-Agressive?

It may be her long-term peace of mind mattered more than hi at that time, and had he been aware what was going on, might have agreed.

yes no harm done, except for your relationship with his wife.

Assuming your dad still loved his wife, would he not want her to have peace of mind? Especially if he personally thought it was a bunch of meaningless crap anyway?

Is part of the anger at yourself for not preventing it? Forgive yourself and her for her selfish act (she's only afraid that he won't be there to greet her when her time comes). Don't let someone else's act continue to punish you by holding on to the anger.

"upon his death bed when he was not of sound mind, his wife had him"
Hence HE (Your Dad, the man you knew)
Had nothing to do with any of that
It was not his issue
It WAS her fear
WHY burden your life with baggage your dad had no awareness of (he was not of sound mind) because she expressed her humanity by caving in to her FEAR both of losing your Dad
AND the horrid religious baggage painted onto her by religion itself?

Let it go, I think your Dad would.

This happened to my great-aunt who died in prison rather than be baptised. That she was forcibly baptised when she was unconscious just before her death makes no difference to her life, but it makes me angry, still.

You are correct,,,His "wife" did that for herself not for Him.

Hmm. This is tricky. I'm not going to say you shouldn't be upset, because you know it goes against his wishes, and those matter. And I won't say she was right. That being said, I'm not sure what harm it actually does, but I also come from a state where people baptise the dead. It's disrespectful in my opinion, but it doesn't really..do anything. Mostly because baptism doesn't really do anything.

That said, I think it comes down to what you value more, her peace of mind or your fathers wishes. And I'm in no position to say which.

I would like to know though, was cutting her off because of this? Or was it just something on top of greater issues? It's difficult because I don't think we really know what the relationship was beforehand.

It's sad when families drift apart, but sometimes they have to when they're completely incompatible.

I will say its interesting to see the many different responses, which means its something a lot of us don't really know the answer to, myself included

I will say that the common thread here is that we want you to be happy. Again I'd say you're right to be upset. I don't know if the anger is serving you in any way, but I know its not as simple as letting it go. We're big on principles here, and when those get violated we tend stick to our guns , sometimes to our own detriment.

She did it for her peace of mind. It was part of how she needed to cope and grieve. I wouldn't begrudge her that.

As you note, your father was not in his right mind, so he had no real control or possibly even understanding of what was going on. And the baptism is a ritual that doesn't actually do anything anyway, which you as a nonbeliever already knew.

Cherish your memories of your father when he was alive, and if you don't like his wife don't associate with her more than you have to. I'd suggest that you consider leaving it at that.

Something similar happened with my father. He was already in a coma and my BF on behalf of my sister, prayed over him before he passed. My dad’s sister that is also an atheist was pretty pissed off. But it didn’t bother me and I don’t think my dad would have cared either. When I asked him what he wanted done with his ashes etc...he said ‘What the F do I care, I’ll be dead’. So I don’t think he’d care if someone prayed some nonsense over his while he was dying.

It is not about you... is your father upset right now? We can't say, can't we? Let it go. Live your life. Remember the good. Don't let those others sour your relationship with your father memory. Having 2 daughters I know how important I am to them. You always going to be His Precious Daughter. With last rites or without last rites. Not trying to offend you. Remember... "NOTHING AND NO ONE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR FATHER".

If he wasn't bothered by it at the time, I don't see any harm. If it annoyed him, that was darned rude of her.

Anger isn't healthy for you though, or for anyone around you. If you don't want anything to do with her; nothing wrong with that, but remember to kick her out of your head, too.

edit to add:

But if your kid wants contact with her, it would be healthier for him to have that and not worry about upsetting you.

Creepy, yes. I would agree with the other posters when thinking with my head. But when thinking with my heart: I thought it was SO CREEPY that Mormons were 'converting" people postmortem, even though I don't believe in Mormonism. So I hear ya, as they say. I'm so sorry for your loss XOXO

This was an act of compassion, she may have done it and it may be for her piece of mind, but its nor herself she did it for. Id welcome it. Evwn if I don't believe in it, its nice to know somebody cares.

You have a right to be angry, as she forced HER OPINION on a vulnerable person which to me is a form of mind-rape.

I would be upset. My father was also an atheist. He despised religion. He was under hospice care and the Chaplin had been visiting my father and they had some interesting discussions by her account. She knew that he was and atheist. She came to his room one day while I was there after he had slipped into a coma and asked if she could pray for him. I said do what you want but don't do it here and asked her to leave. Sounds like your Dad's wife did not respect his beliefs and that was an insult to him and your family. If you need to not be around her, that's your choice. One day, you may find that you're able to forgive her. You're dad doesn't care anymore and he would probably want her to achieve whatever comfort she could for herself at the time. But you have to do you.

I wouldn’t be angry but for different reasons. There’s such an infinitely small chance they are right. I wouldn’t be mad because, despite the silliness of a baptism, they meant well. If a shaman came and sprinkled salt on his toes and ate a frog leg at his bedside while chanting it would be just as silly, but his intentions are good. I would thank them for their good intentions and smile to myself thinking how quaint.

I agree with Mighty Justice, since there is no God it was more for her own peace of mind than anything. It doesn't really change who he was or what he believed at the end of the day. He may have went along to pacify her.

I agree with Mighty Justice, since there is no God it was more for her own peace of mind than anything. It doesn't really change who he was or what he believed at the end of the day. He may have went along to pacify her.

I agree with Mighty Justice, since there is no God it was more for her own peace of mind than anything. It doesn't really change who he was or what he believed at the end of the day. He may have went along to pacify her.

I think I would just view it like any other bath or shower, but likely soapless. As long as it didnt hurt him in any way, it was by definition harmless, right? I can understand you being upset because it was disrespectful of his beliefs, but I think I would have an easier time letting it go if I framed it that way.

It's all fantasy bull shit and doesn't really change anything, but it is creepy as fuck.
If she is an otherwise good person, the "christian" thing to do might be to let her see the kids everyonceinawhile, if they want to, after she apologises for her transgressions and promises to never do it again, or face full astraciziation.

Neither. There's no point in being upset about it -it's happened. It probably gave her some comfort. Hopefully your dad didn't know much about it. And as far as you're concerned, I'm guessing you're not a believer, so what happened? A man said some strange words. I'm guessing their intentions were good if misguided.

It made no difference to him, in reality. Relax. It's not like he was actually damned--any more than he would have been without the silly ritual.