My dads entire life he was an Atheist. He battled cancer for several years and upon his death bed when he was not of sound mind, his wife had him baptized and had a minister save his soul.
This angers me bc I know it was more for HER peace of mind. She is no longer a part of mine or my sons lives. Am I wrong to be upset about this or should I be happy in case she was right and we were wrong all along?
I would be more angry at the Minister, who knew and willingly broke the rules of an adult baptism. I can't be 100% certain of that first sentence because I don't know if your step mom belongs to an Anabaptist denomination. But in any event, an adult baptism requires a true conversion. You're step mom was just doing what she thought was best.
You're not wrong to be upset with her since your father was not of sound mind and it was probably against his will. However, have you considered that he might have agreed just to put her mind at rest? I would think his love for her would have allowed this since he was dying anyway. Forgive her and move on.
I'd be angry too. However, I almost pity her for her beliefs. She is so convinced and so terrified of hell that she was SURE she was doing the right thing. You think it was just for her own peace of mind, but I think she truly believes that she just saved his soul from eternal torture. We think it must be awful to believe such things, but they know no other way.
So, you're not wrong to be upset. But don't stress out about "maybe she was right." Turn your anger into relief that you're not burdened by ridiculous fears like she is.
You are right to be upset for what your mom did to your dad...poor man.....people are so brainwashed on this subject it is hard to believe....just like religion....I don't know if you have talked this out with your mother....that should be done....you also need to consider your sons need for a grandmother...if she was a good grandmother otherwise then you risk harming him over things he may not understand...not sure how old he is....
I can see why you are upset but it is totally meaningless so I would let it go.
I was baptised as a baby and the date and name of the minister is written on my birth certificate.
I have seen advertised "depabtism certificates" but what's the point , it's a load of nonsense anyway.
For me, I am disappointed that your dad’s wife, did not honor your dad, by allowing him to exist as he believed! We don’t own each other and the greatest gift we can give one another is respect for who we are and what we believe? It can still not be our choice! Obviously, the wife was fearful that her husband might be in danger of going to ‘hell!’ How short sighted on her part! She cannot save a single person from ‘hell,’ if there was one! If your relationship has had some kindly moments over time, I would chalk the baptism up to ignorance and enjoy the now! Religion is dividing us up into unforgiving parts...are we not more than this?
When my grandma died her sister added some god crap in the wake. Grandpa when he died no wake no nothing. His ashes scattered across the sea. Grandma wanted the same no wake no god no big deal. I was annoyed but guess her brothers and sisters needed it. Mom was annoyed
I let my ex-wife baptize our daughter when she was young. I figured it didn't hurt anything and made a lot of silly people happy. They were surprised that I didn't object. But when the minister asked if we wanted any bible quotes presented, I should have mentioned Psalms 137:9: "Blessed is he who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks".
Are those really the only two choices? Seriously?
Dealing with one’s own death and the death of loved ones is very personal. Of course she did it for herself. The funerals we have are for the living to move on from the grief etc. As someone who deals with people dying and having to tell their family members this I have seen pretty much every reaction. Also, as a nontheist I still always ask if there is someone they want me to call for them_a friend, pastor, the Chaplin etc. At my previous hospital the Chaplin was an awesome guy who could hold very nonjudgmental conversations with anyone.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. (It didn't really happen to your dad...he was on his own path.) Your stepmother was doing something to make his death more comfortable for herself, and that's not really part of your dad's death, either. I'd write her a letter (mail it after reading it for a week) and express your thoughts about the way she disrespected his atheism. (Sounds very passive aggressive, if you ask me.)
Then...just close the door. She's not part of your life. All she's done is demonstrate her own superstition...and you don't care!
My mother in law did the same with her catholic husband, badgering him to convert church of Christ. To me it was harsh and petty, but that is how she was taught to express love. The best part is you don’t have to deal with her, so yeah, don’t sweat it.
I personally think that was disrespectful to his beliefs in life. However, I understand why she would want to do it. She wants to be with him in the afterlife and can't stand the possibility that he could suffer for eternity, away from her. When a person dies, they are not the ones to suffer after their death (that we know of). It is hardest for the people who carry on. That being said, I hope he didn't know what was going on when she did it. If that was the case, and there is an afterlife, he will forgive her. If there is nothing after death, then it doesn't matter what she did, because he won't exist to care.
I think for you it's important to be forgiving of his wife as her intentions were good in that she didn't want him to go hell. In other words, she didn't want him to suffer, and that's a good thing. And, you're right, her actions were to quell her own fears and provide peace of mind. You're not wrong as I feel you were wanting your father's integrity to not be interfered with, and that's why you felt her imposition of her actions and point of view was invasive to your family. For what it's worth, 'God/Creator/etc., welcomes us all regardless of the beliefs we hold. I understand that our lives are measured by what we feel in our hearts so life continues (reincarnation) and we evolve to higher states of wisdom and consciousness. Hell is just a state of mind, no more than that
No this was a very selfish act on the part of the wife. She did not respect her husbands wishes, she imposed her beliefs for her own selfish peace of mind. I would hate to think, should I get dementia that someone would baptise me. My children know that any of my organs are to be donated. I would hate my wishes overrided by someone else's philosophy.
I understand. That would be a bit invasive of his belief and mindset. However, he didn't believe any of that, so probably didn't effect him too much. I bet he just rolled his eyes. Also, if my stepmom wanted to do that to my father, I'd be hard pressed to say anything or fault her. After all, she is his wife...I don't have to live with him or go on as his widow. I guess I'd have to side with the words of he old priest Bill Maher interviewed in Religilous, "you just have to let people live and die with their stupid beliefs."
Sorry about your father. Best wishes. I'm sure a lovely child and grandchildren are a greater reward than eternal life. I'd take it.
I could envision my Mom doing this if she had the chance! She was brought up Brethren, an anabaptist Christian faith. My Dad’s family was Methodist, and because we moved around a lot and it was much easier to find Methodist churches, she pretty much joined that faith. But it was too late! My sister and I were already grown and non believers. I the anabaptist faith, babies are not baptized. You concecrate yourself to the faith when you are old enough to make the decision to accept god (Amish and Mennonites are the same). One of her biggest regrets is that my sister and I were never baptized, because in her mind, whether we believe or not, if we had had water sprinkled on our heads and some mumbo-jumbo spoke over us, we would at least stand a chance of getting to heaven. I generally try to refrain from laughing. But I could truly see her, if I was in a coma or unable to defend myself, sneaking a preacher in and doing a Christian Intervention! ? It won’t make a damn bit of difference to me, but I am sure it would make her feel better, so I would never ban her from my room!
No she should respect your dad's wishes
My uncle had this happen to him recently but it was on the other foot, his uncle was Baptist, but his wife had him cremated and they didn’t have a service. I told him it’s all about the memory your memory of him not what happens after death.
Wrong and very selfish she has gone beyond herror husbands wishes and if evil exists then that is evil
My grandfather did the same thing for my grandmother
Kids don't have "needs" for grandparents... there are many kids out there who's grandparents are all dead or live overseas with no contact or are orphans of the state and never had parents, let alone grandparents. I think that belief is false.