She did it for her peace of mind. It was part of how she needed to cope and grieve. I wouldn't begrudge her that.

As you note, your father was not in his right mind, so he had no real control or possibly even understanding of what was going on. And the baptism is a ritual that doesn't actually do anything anyway, which you as a nonbeliever already knew.

Cherish your memories of your father when he was alive, and if you don't like his wife don't associate with her more than you have to. I'd suggest that you consider leaving it at that.

Hmm. This is tricky. I'm not going to say you shouldn't be upset, because you know it goes against his wishes, and those matter. And I won't say she was right. That being said, I'm not sure what harm it actually does, but I also come from a state where people baptise the dead. It's disrespectful in my opinion, but it doesn't really..do anything. Mostly because baptism doesn't really do anything.

That said, I think it comes down to what you value more, her peace of mind or your fathers wishes. And I'm in no position to say which.

I would like to know though, was cutting her off because of this? Or was it just something on top of greater issues? It's difficult because I don't think we really know what the relationship was beforehand.

It's sad when families drift apart, but sometimes they have to when they're completely incompatible.

I will say its interesting to see the many different responses, which means its something a lot of us don't really know the answer to, myself included

I will say that the common thread here is that we want you to be happy. Again I'd say you're right to be upset. I don't know if the anger is serving you in any way, but I know its not as simple as letting it go. We're big on principles here, and when those get violated we tend stick to our guns , sometimes to our own detriment.

You are correct,,,His "wife" did that for herself not for Him.

This happened to my great-aunt who died in prison rather than be baptised. That she was forcibly baptised when she was unconscious just before her death makes no difference to her life, but it makes me angry, still.

"upon his death bed when he was not of sound mind, his wife had him"
Hence HE (Your Dad, the man you knew)
Had nothing to do with any of that
It was not his issue
It WAS her fear
WHY burden your life with baggage your dad had no awareness of (he was not of sound mind) because she expressed her humanity by caving in to her FEAR both of losing your Dad
AND the horrid religious baggage painted onto her by religion itself?

Let it go, I think your Dad would.

Is part of the anger at yourself for not preventing it? Forgive yourself and her for her selfish act (she's only afraid that he won't be there to greet her when her time comes). Don't let someone else's act continue to punish you by holding on to the anger.

Assuming your dad still loved his wife, would he not want her to have peace of mind? Especially if he personally thought it was a bunch of meaningless crap anyway?

yes no harm done, except for your relationship with his wife.

It may be her long-term peace of mind mattered more than hi at that time, and had he been aware what was going on, might have agreed.

I would be upset because of the presumption. She knew your Dad was an atheist so she waited until he couldn't object. It is similar to the Morman practice of having baptism ceremonies for a family's dead because of the "belief" that only Mormans go to heaven. I can't say if you were too hard or not with her because I don't know the whole story.

I feel you. One of my biggest pet peeves, happens a lot here in the South, is the minister at funerals giving “alter call” it’s like “ Look this poor sucker is dead you might be next and you’re going to hell!”
Instead of honoring and remembering the person gone.

I feel you. One of my biggest pet peeves, happens a lot here in the South, is the minister at funerals giving “alter call” it’s like “ Look this poor sucker is dead you might be next and you’re going to hell!”
Instead of honoring and remembering the person gone.

I would be very upset as it is very disrespectful and selfish of her to go against his beliefs. Even if she is right (se's not) how would baptising an Atheist save his soul? Does God accept people who have been baptised but do not believe in him?

I lost my own Father to cancer at Christmas. As he and his wife were Christians I had no problem with their mad ramblings and retuals. I didn't join in but I was present.

So, if I understand correctly, your Dad's Wife, on his deathbed, disrespected his views and wishes. That's pretty low. You have every right to be upset.

Much like the Mormon's posthumously baptizing Anne Frank; very disrespectful.
[telegraph.co.uk]

Although, if you've ever had any type of relationship with this woman, you may want to try to get past this. She is obviously in pain and might need some support - that doesn't mean you have to support what she did, but support her as a human being who has lost someone.
As others have said, being splashed with some water doesn't really matter much.

My grandfather did the same thing for my grandmother

Wrong and very selfish she has gone beyond herror husbands wishes and if evil exists then that is evil

If it made her feel better, then it caused no harm. I was brought up Mormon and did baptisms for the dead. At the time it felt right until I started thinking.

Let it go. it was for her benefit, not his. I believe it happens quite often and has no real meaning for people like us. You know it would have meant nothing to him so don't let it be important to you.

My uncle had this happen to him recently but it was on the other foot, his uncle was Baptist, but his wife had him cremated and they didn’t have a service. I told him it’s all about the memory your memory of him not what happens after death.

I would be angry on his behalf. As an atheist myself, I would never want that done to me.

According to the Bible, it is his Faith
That save him

No she should respect your dad's wishes

She was wrong and have seen in some point there marraige. You did the right thing and don't feel guilty about it.

I could envision my Mom doing this if she had the chance! She was brought up Brethren, an anabaptist Christian faith. My Dad’s family was Methodist, and because we moved around a lot and it was much easier to find Methodist churches, she pretty much joined that faith. But it was too late! My sister and I were already grown and non believers. I the anabaptist faith, babies are not baptized. You concecrate yourself to the faith when you are old enough to make the decision to accept god (Amish and Mennonites are the same). One of her biggest regrets is that my sister and I were never baptized, because in her mind, whether we believe or not, if we had had water sprinkled on our heads and some mumbo-jumbo spoke over us, we would at least stand a chance of getting to heaven. I generally try to refrain from laughing. But I could truly see her, if I was in a coma or unable to defend myself, sneaking a preacher in and doing a Christian Intervention! ? It won’t make a damn bit of difference to me, but I am sure it would make her feel better, so I would never ban her from my room!

I doubt that the useless ceremony harmed your father or shortened his life.