You're not wrong to be upset with her since your father was not of sound mind and it was probably against his will. However, have you considered that he might have agreed just to put her mind at rest? I would think his love for her would have allowed this since he was dying anyway. Forgive her and move on.

I would be more angry at the Minister, who knew and willingly broke the rules of an adult baptism. I can't be 100% certain of that first sentence because I don't know if your step mom belongs to an Anabaptist denomination. But in any event, an adult baptism requires a true conversion. You're step mom was just doing what she thought was best.

Might have just done it to humor her so that she was happy too even if he still didn't really believe

I think you have the right to be mad, BUT I wouldn't have been for this one simple reason. Your stepmom did it out of love for him. I would have told her that she is disrespecting the wishes of my father, but I'm not one to cut someone out of my life for an act that is meant as a loving act no matter how misguided it was. Had I had the power to stop it, I wouldn't have in this instance because it isn't bringing any harm to him, but it is easing her grief. This opinion of mine is just that an opinion and it's not meant to decare that you are wrong for how you responded to it.

Heartfelt condolences for your loss! You're not wrong, but I wouldn't punish her by removing you and your son from her life. In her mind, she was doing the right thing, and even though it was misguided, it was an act of love. I encourage you to place you and your son back into her life.

I think she was definitely wrong to do this to him while he couldn't resist and she knew it would be against his wishes.
I also think you hit it right on the head when you said you think she did it for her own peace of mind.
Fear drives religion, fear of dying, fear of hell, fear of the unknown etc. People will do strange things to appease their gods.

So sad. My whole family gave up religion because of me. That makes me proud. Although my mom was going in and out at the end, she ranted that no religious bastard better come near her. She only wanted her family around.

It didn't do any harm.

I would have been upset by that as well. If he talked to her about doing that before he passed away, then that's a different story. I don't think a baptism would have changed anything afterwards either way. I think if there is a place for us to go, it will depend on how we lived our lives in general.

She didn't do it for him; she did it for her. Though it was a dick move, I would just let it go. There are better things to be pissed at (I'm sure).

By the way, my step-mother pretty much did the same thing to my dad. She filled the house with her conservative Christian friends and completely ignored his DNR. Was nothing us kids could do since we all live out of town/state from him.

No. Your mom was selfish. Honestly, Atheism is the way to go. My grandmother was a stout Christian who also died of cancer, but unlike your father, she cried nonstop because she was scared of "heaven" (the better afterlife for Christians).

No, your mother disrespected your father and his belief system.

It depends on whether your dad cared more about preserving his identity or consoling her.. still Im of the opinion that he was exploited in a moment of weakness.. and I'm disgusted by such predatory behavior on the part of the theists.

If your father lived his entire life as an atheist then he should have been quite comfortable in his belief system. His wife betrayed his wishes to satisfy her own beliefs. You have every right to be upset by that.

Hello, I just joined this site and was reading the replies here. Sunny, in my opinion she was completely wrong and she used his weak condition to force her will upon your father and your family. Pitiful, but I am sure you have heard the saying ....if you could reason with religious people there wouldn’t be any religious people!

She disrespected his wishes for her piece of mind? I guess I just do not get how that would ever work. If this god is all knowing he is gonna know it was coerced and forced on him when he was out of it. So this god just is excepting of this? Doesn't that just seem weird? Also would not trust this lady if that is how she works and her needs are the only that matter to her.

Since religion is rubbish, then a Baptism is an empty ritual and meaningless.

You are right to dump her, she did not understand your dad. Your memory of him is still in tact and so is his credibility. Don't waste anymore energy thinking about it.

I'm sorry for your loss, SunnySmiles.

I share your anger because this is NOT something that your dad would have wanted. I'm no "agony aunt" but this seems to come down to his wife's opinion (and actions) versus yours (and your dad's). His wife may have been thinking that she was doing the right thing because she holds different beliefs to you. I'd share your feelings with her and then it is up to her to build bridges. Life's too short to let shit such as this get in the way of living it.

That sucks. My entire family is Catholic, and I know these fuckers would love to bury me holy water or some dumb shit if I died. That's why if I were to be close to dying I would just jump off a boat in the arctic seas. All so they won't get the satisfaction, because they kept giving me shit. I want to be food for the sharks. Or go in the middle of the amazon and fertilize a poison ivy plant or some shit.
Whether you're wrong or not, objectively speaking, who knows. But if you're angry, embrace it. Let it take its course.

This was an awful thing to do to him. I’d be pissed off if someone did that to me or any of my other atheist friends.

That is exactly why people of faith bother me, it's all about them! It was all for her peace of mind. I completely understand why you are angry.

Hedging bets aye!?! Seen this happen before, sad. Follow your heart!

Seen this happen to my grandfather
It was terrible

In her own way she was trying to save your father. The fact that she did that says she loved him and in her muddled religous mind she was worried. The Baptism didn't hurt him so I would look at it as a good thing, in that she wouldn't think your dad was in purgatory.

You should be upset. She obviously had a complete disregard for his opinion in reference to her beliefs. There is no way to be happy about that as he would have likely pissed off her irrational god at those pearly gates.