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Anyone ever get the feeling you're going to be forever alone?

I often get the feeling that if 'it' were going to happen for me it would have done so by now. I'm beginning to think I'm not ever going to get to be in love and its depressing as hell, frankly.

By SkepChik5
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47 comments

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21

I would rather be alone for the rest of my natural life than do what so many people do: settle for someone just so they have a partner. That's a sad life, in my opinion.

Mine is - I'd rather be alone with me than alone with someone else.

silverotter11...EXACTLY!

10

I'm really okay with the concept. I like my own company and am extremely reluctant to put up with anyone else's bullshit. Besides, I really don't think "love" lasts forever. Sure, there are exceptions, but we hardly ever end up with who we start out with. Companionship can be found elsewhere. Friends always outlast lovers.

KKGator Level 9 Jan 4, 2018

The best is when you can move from being lovers to good friends. Happened once for me and I am grateful. Soemhow I 'knew' in my teens I might never marry. Gave it a couple of good tries and thank my lucky stars I did NOT marry either one. I'd rather be alone with me than alone with someone else.

9

Do not get in a relationship because you are afraid of being alone. One can be in a relationship and still be alone. I would rather be alone, than be in a bad relationship. I have not been in a relationship for over five years, and I am happy with my life. If and when I find the right woman, she will have to be able to add substance to my life as I add substance to hers. I am not lonely or depress because I am not in a relationship. Learn to be happy with who you are. When the right person comes along, that person will make your life better. When I meet a woman nowadays, I am more careful, and I take my time to get to know her. So far I have not met he right woman, and I am able to disqualify the ones that are not right for me a lot faster now, Hang in there and do not settle for just anyone. You will find the right one.

9

Some of the very best couples I know met and married for the first time in their late thirties or forties. In each case, they were living their individual lives really well AND were not tied to the wrong person when that special one finally came along. You are coming into a wonderful age for making such connections. Don't count yourself out.

Zster Level 8 Jan 4, 2018
6

When I was single, I had a group of friends I hung around with. It made being single a lot of fun, but I still wanted someone to build a life with. I was mid 40s when I met my wife, and we are very happy. Don't give up, just be happy. Have fun while you're young.

6

I know the feeling. It is hard to find like-minded individuals who also share your passion. The holidays can be a difficult time. Do things that will make you feel good. Start by clearing closets, take some things that you don't wear anymore to the Goodwill. Reorganize your desk to make room for something new. Research Meet-up Groups in your area and meet them for an activity. What I am trying to say is get out, renew, re-energize yourself. Get rid of the blues so that you are ready for someone new to enter your life.

6

Are you putting yourself out there? Do you love yourself? Ask yourself those questions.

I agree and have been told "to love yourself" more... I understand the general idea, and certainly "like myself"- but I wonder what is it you feel inside to really love yourself?

5

I'm turning 60 this weekend, and I've been divorced for about 9 years. I thought I met my soul mate once, but it didn't work out. I've dated off and on, nothing has been serious. And I live in a conservative state, and I'm anything but conservative. The odds are that I will never find a mate. After being unhappily married for too many years I realized I'm better off single then I was when I was married. I don't have to put up with anyone's BS. If I need help I can call my kids, but frankly it pleases me inordinately to do things myself. After years of subtly being told I wasn't capable or smart enough, I am capable and I'm definitely smart enough. I'm being very selective about who I spend time with cuz frankly I don't have time to waste. My advice to you is to become who you were meant to be. Do what you love, invest your time in you. Be happy with you, and if you find someone that is good, and if you don't you're your own best companion.

This is awesome. Good for you!

5

Some of you writing "Me too" are so young! Patience, grasshoppers. People wrote some really good and supportive suggestions. I just want to add that the average age these days is what -- 78? Unless you are all 77 years old, you still have time for love, committed relationships, marriage, etc. Hang in there and enjoy the time between now and when you commit to show up (emotionally, physically, mentally) every day for somebody.

BlueWave Level 8 Jan 4, 2018
5

I do understand where you are coming from. After my last divorce (a marriage of 15 years) I wasn't ready, to be with anyone, and I threw myself into completing the upbringing of my teenaged children alone.
After that, as the children left home I found that I had become lonely.
Retirement brought me to a strange little town near my children, where the people who seem to be like-minded are much younger than I, and those within my age group as stuck in their tradition, for good or bad.
My children are leading their own lives now, and I do love my own company, and I keep myself occupied, but I still often find myself feeling lonely.
Winter has set in. folks are staying in, and it would be nice to have someone on these 8F degree evenings to snuggle under my comforter with and share hot cocoa, a nice fire, and a long conversation.

Donna Level 6 Jan 4, 2018

The best snuggler I ever had was my recently deceased kitty companion of 18 years. The local no-kill shelter has PLENTY of needy kitties who would gladly share your comforter and fire and even a little conversation...but not your cocoa. Hang in there!

I absolutely LOVE kitties! I struggle with mobility issues through, and kitties tend to get underfoot. It would be dangerous for us both. I have grand-kittens that I spoil, and enjoy immensely, but they do not come home with me.

The kitten in the photo is a shelter kitten. I do enjoy the company of cats, but that still doesn't take the place of human contact.

3

I get that feeling on occasion. My husband of 13 years died 5 years ago. We had a great friendship and were a comfy pair of old jeans together. He is missed. With him went any desire to put myself out there and I wonder if I will ever find that kind of friendship again. Still, I do enjoy my own company.

I'm sorry. smile003.gif

3

I've been married twice to men who lied (to themselves and to me) about their lack of belief; it caused all kinds of problems as the marriages progressed (respect was lost on all sides & once that goes & resentment creeps in, you're done).
I will NEVER date, let alone get serious about, a believer again. I recognize that this may have me on my own for the rest of my life, but having been on both sides of the fence, I can say the grass is PLENTY green here!
No compromising of my thoughts/actions, AND sole possession of the remote control... Trust me, it's nice to have a GOOD, solid partner - but being alone is 1000Xs better than being with one who isn't.
(& if you need friends, I'm right across the Howard Franklin)

Kirahere Level 5 Jan 4, 2018

I hear you. I've dated crazy religions Christian wickin(sp). Not long term by any means. Of course if one doesn't date religious than one doesn't really date much. We are surrounded.

3

I’ve been there, and I’ve felt that. I thought I’d found someone, and she turned out to be insane. I really had to wonder about my luck, but, what are you going to do? There’s only one life, and however we may want to believe we can make it alone, we all need one another. Keep on looking and be careful about who you choose and remember that they’re looking for the same thing too.

I think one of mine was insane, too. But it was progressive and insidious. Didn't really see it until it was really bad.

Same here. By the time she had my daughter it was too late.

3

This is the longest I've been alone in my life (I've been in long-term relationships pretty much continuously since I was 17, the last of which ended April 2017) and I'm loving it at the moment. I would only give it up for someone who made me happier than I am and that's a high bar right now. I do have my son 50% of the time so I'll add that caveat, but... yeah!

3

When you meet someone who shares some of your values and realistic expectations then the question may never arise again, trust it happens soon for you.

3

You are so not alone in that. I wonder the same thing. And yes its is very depressing. I don't even know what to say. It really resonates with me. I am strange by any measurement. It really makes me wonder....

2

For me, it seems that being in love has happened more than once. But the relationships didn't last. So I'm not sure if that wasn't really love. The longest was for 12 years, so I would think that's more than an infatuation, but I've probably got way more questions about the whole thing than answers. I'm pretty sure I've got a level of depression related to body chemistry rather than outside events, so does love even feel the same way for me? I did learn along the way that I do not need to be with someone else to be happy. That also probably varies from person to person however. I know some pretty unhappy people who feel the same way that you do.

2

I get the feeling my perpetual solitude isn't based solely on my choices. Other's freedom to choose has it's effect. Some people can't handle some aspects of my personality. At least, this is what I tell myself.

Gohan Level 7 Jan 6, 2018
2

I figure I'm there. I would like a partner but keep finding old men who still think they want sex. At this age, dying having sex is a badge for men, another cleanup problem for women. We're not the same, nope, not at all.

Waco2017 Level 4 Jan 5, 2018

Damn that sounds like a nightmare

2

I know what you're going through. Never thought I would be alone at this age either. If you have a group of strong, supportive friends don't ever take that for granted because often that can be more necessary than long-term monogamy. When you have that deep, loving connection with someone it can change you in ways you never thought possible but it's duration is never guaranteed. Seeking out that kind of connection is not a waste of time but it should never be an expectation. Take care.

kmdskit3 Level 8 Jan 5, 2018

Good friends can be a real treasure.

2

My guess is that you might be just too "cool" for most people.
Hang in there, someone will come along and appreciate you, as they should .
Whatever you do, don't force it !

Buddha Level 7 Jan 4, 2018
2

I don't know your situation and I'm never one to be ignorantly optimistic, but I hope that as this forum grows that you can connect with like-minded people and find something real. Keep posting your thoughts and feelings about matters, interact with people, be yourself, and I imagine that you'll attract the attention of some great guys here. I'm praying for you smile009.gif

2

I feel the same way.

If we are all alone at least we are all alone together, right? lol

Right.

2

I have resigned myself to never living with a woman again, at my age, I and they are too set in our ways, too much baggage. So I have been asked to consider alternatives. I found "the one" once, moved in together, it lasted 3 months and was great for 1/2 of that. I have a group of young friends who have lived with me on and off since they were kids, kind of unofficial foster kids, mostly in their 30s now, though a couple in their 20s. We are our own social group and community, nerds mostly but with an outdoor bent. I looked at your profile, you would fit right in. "I love backyard bonfires and whiskey and afternoon naps. I have a cat but I'm secretly a dog person. I love sci-fi and fantasy". We have backyard bonfires, but also live on the coast so have huge beach bonfires, playing music, only good quality scotch and rum, unlike most of Oz, there are no beer drinkers in the group. We have a room here that has a better fantasy selection than most libraries, and many of our have been signed by the authors. A few of the group are into cos play. It is only in recent years that a few of them have found relationships, there was even a wedding last year.

Sounds like you've got a good thing going.

2

I've seen some very good long term relationships. I have seen more dysfunctional ones. Maybe you will end up in a good one, maybe not. I saw a post once though that I felt had a lot of truth in it. There is nothing more powerful than being okay alone with yourself. Also, I believe that in general we have an internal level of happiness. We believe that changes in our life will dramatically change this internal level of happiness. At first it does, but we eventually go back to our regular state of mind. I probably could have explained that better.

Rudy1962 Level 9 Jan 4, 2018
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