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Question for the single people...

Do you, have you, would you have sex with people for the sake of getting laid? The so-called booty call. Do you feel regret after? Do you do it with hopes that they'll eventually want a relationship? Do you make sure your intentions, (or lack thereof) are known? Do you just use people?

valerina 7 July 13

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75 comments (26 - 50)

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3

I have had a few FWB's before. All 3 times, the intentions behind our arrangement was made clear from the start. I'm an extremely honest and blunt person, for better or worse. In the case of my last one, before we began hooking up I straight out told her, "Don't get feelings for me". The first two were both married, so I wasn't concerned.
Having said all that... Yes. I prefer to have sex with someone I'm committed to. It makes most things feel better. You already have that established trust and relationship to fall back on.

3

Have and would. Never mislead.

3

I prefer to be in a relationship. It makes kissing more meaningful. However, I'm not adverse to a mutual agreement to have sex just to keep us safe. After going two months without sex my brain doesn't function right and I'm liable to do something stupid. So far I've only had one sex partner. Again I rather be in a relationship. Sex is so much sweeter.

3

Loads of people saying "Oh when I was younger". Well I didnt and I kind of missed out. No hedonistic youth for me, just wife and kids. Then a series monogamous relationships. So at the age of 57 I joined a hook up site. It was good fun for while and I met some lovely ladies. It encouraged me to write (erotica is a good start especially if it can get you laid). The sex was sometimes great but ended up just okay. eventually the whole "Hi nice to meet you, lets go to bed" got just too shallow. I don't regret my last fling but now I need more than physical. However if i do find that someone, I have picked up some great techniques.

3

I have been party too the occasional booty call, sometimes I am ok with it other times I feel used. I guess if its mutual and both parties have the understanding of what's going on and are mature enough to handle it I don't see a problem with it. Some times it is nice to let loose with no expectations and knowing you aren't going to emotionally hurt someone.

3

I've tried it, it's just not me. Just feels empty. I don't have to be in a committed relationship, but at least someone I trust and feel a connection with. And yes, it's very important that we are both upfront and honest about our intentions, otherwise it can really get messed up. So, in the interim, that would be okay on occasion. But Ideally I would like a loving and meaningful relationship, and if I had that then even the thought of something casual would be non-existent.

3

Casual sex was great until my 30s. Then one morning i woke up and couldn't remember who i'd slept with the night before.

I don't drink so it was my inner monitor who was disgusted with me and then hiotting me with temporary amnesia, a wake-up call in fact. At that point it was easy for me to stay celibate for a couple of years to reevaluate my life and my values.

I realized that without a loving relationship, i was and am no longer interested in having casual sex like we used to on all those 'one night stands'. I needed the emotional connections beyond the physical, instant gratifications. I didn't lose the drive, just regained control of my hormone-generated compulsions when i was tempted, and i often was, and still am.

Because, believe it or not, many seniors who missed them the first time for whatever reasons are now experimenting with a 60s style sexual revolution. The levels of STDs among seniors proves it.

[huffingtonpost.com]

But i've been there, done that, and got the tee shirts, so there's no need for me to re-live those wild times; i can do so whenever i want through all those glorious memories, and i do so regularly. (with the help of some great Polaroids too 😉 ) 😉

3

I would have a fwb, if the option was there.

3

I think the last question sums the question up. Booty calls & hook ups are something I would never do to myself or another person. Sex is so great when you are with someone you have feelings for. Sex and Love go together. When your finished, you feel good for days it seems. I would never use a man for sex. How insulting that would be to him. How desperate that would be of me. Speaking for myself, NO, never.

3

I suppose I have in three kinds of situations: more or less getting back together with an ex, with a friend with whom the relationship had been Platonic, and sex early in a relationship -- more like, before there was a relationship (first date or shortly thereafter). In the first situation, it was with the same ex and each time one of us wanted to get back together but it never happened or lasted very long. As far as future actions go: I don't see how it would happen with an ex, but if I thought of her as a friend and we were FWB for a night or something, I might, hypothetically speaking, be ok with it. I might also consider it if I wanted to get back together, but probably wouldn't if I thought she might want to get back together when I didn't.

3

I’m pretty sure that the last time I was only in it for sex was my early 20s. At some point my heart got tangled up with sex, so no booty calls for me.

Hermit Level 7 July 13, 2018
3

Nope, call me old-fashioned but I believe you need to know somebody first.

2

Most women my age do not want the "friends with benefits" stuff. I think I could do it, but don't broach the subject because of the comments made about such things. I am not sure I am relationship material but I still would like physical intimacy...difficult position to be in in your 60's.

2

I have, I don't, I doubt I would. My feelings after the one night stand or booty call have varied. Sometimes it's been delightful. Others, disappointing or even embarrassing, in the sense that I can't believe I got mixed up with that person.
I've come to the conclusion that using people for short term gratification, even when I'm up front and honest about my intentions, is hurtful to them and me.
I'd rather make friends first and have sex later, if it works out that way.

2

Nope but but I can't really be very serious with anyone unless we are having sex so it is part of it. Rather just get to it because I find people are much more comfortable being themselves after they are having sex in the relationship and likely true for both men and women. Doesn't make a relationship more or less likely to fail if it happens the first time you meet or 5 years after you first meet in my experience.
Unless you are only after a short sexual fling...then might be best to include that as part of the conversation assuming there is one.
I certainly never regret having sex with anyone. That would defeat the purpose and if I was interested enough to get there I probably am going to be interested enough in going there again...until I am not

2

I have, and I will. I am perfectly honest about it.I don't project any hopes, Nor am I closed to the idea that something more could come of it.Only way that I would regret it is if the partner disregards the reality of what it is.

2

I have done in the past but wouldn't now. I'm finding as I get older that sex is far less important to me than it once was. These days a woman's musical skills are as important to me (probably more) than her sexual skills 🙂
I don't recall feeling bad about casual sex encounters in the past -but they were often drug/alcohol fuelled. I think I used to be fairly open about my long term intentions but probably those discussions never happened as we had other things on our minds. I certainly did use to use and be used by people.

JimmyM Level 7 July 14, 2018
2

I have done a couple of times but it's not as though willing participants are queuing round the block. I didn't feel regret and as far as I'm aware we both enjoyed it, it was what it was....a shag.

ipdg77 Level 8 July 14, 2018
2

A one night stand does not necessarily mean someone is "used" as you call it. It can be that, or not. If there is lying, deception etc. then yes of course. But often times both parties are willing to give it a go to at least some degree. If that's it, that's it. And if you don't want to, don't. It's one thing to be lied to. It's another to be naive or weak-willed.

Not my preference BTW, like most if not all I prefer more of a connection.

2

You never told us if you are being used but you asked us if we just use people?

@valerina Do it for you... I never been much of an user... even when I was a cheater, I never hided my marital status and I man-up and accepted the consequences of my actions. Never had a mistress. I do remember a relationship after my divorce were she never told me she was married and her reason was... I didn't asked her. So it did taught me the lesson of from now on.... cards on the table. And remember, you can still tell the truth and may not be believed or understood. Wishing you the best love, romance and desire got to offer. Remember always... Your Fun and Happiness Matters.

2

I have. I don't know if I would do it again, though. I find that it's easier for me to get into sex when I have some sort of connection. I wouldn't say I felt regret but I didn't like the experience as much as I do when I know and trust someone. I did make my intentions known and didn't use them. I don't see the point in that.

2

This hits too close to home for me. That's all I can say right now.

2

I spent a long time kind of being anti booty call or FWB. But since all of my attempts to have relationships failed, i have been more inclined to do the FBW (friends with benefits) thing. I have my own Hobbies, my friends fulfill my social and emotional support needs, and i love my alone time. So the more casual no strings attached relationship is right up my alley. I don't think it's for everyone it's not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing, but i do think there is a place for it. Now I want to also say that there is a big difference between booty call and FWB, booty call is definitely more physical and less mental. my dilemma is that I'm demisexual and i need to a least like someone insides before i like their outsides unfortunately so my hookups have some strings attached. But I think if there is set parameters and some honesty I think it could be absolutely a fulfilling connection physically and mentally.

2

My right hand can only get me so far?. Yap. I do have those one nighters. As for regret, I feel I'm too emotionally unavailable for it to get to those levels. I'd not really call it using if we are both on the same page.

2

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