Agnostic.com

45 6

Sexual relationship or relationship with sex?

Do most guys just want a sexual relationship? I actually want a relationship with sex. I've had a friend who is an atheist for several years now. We've been out several times over the years, as friends. I've often wondered if we'd be good together romantically. Recently we started talking more and things got very flirty. We agreed that we should get together and see what happens. We went out and had a really nice time that ended with some pretty nice kisses. Later he basically told me that her was only interested in a sexual relationship with me. I won't bore you with those details. I was a little bit shocked to say the least. Am I just that out of touch? Is a sexual relationship all guys want?

By Alliegirl7
Actions Follow Post Like

Post a comment Add Source Add Photo

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

45 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

13

He was being honest. You had expectations beyond his. Don't be down on yourself.

As a guy, I can't just have monkey sex with someone... there must be an emotional connection, but that's me. There's more like me out there... (Ahem, sorry, I'm taken.) smile009.gif

Hominid Level 7 Jan 6, 2018

Darn! Why are all the good guys taken. smile009.gif

11

No, there are lots of guys for whom the relationship is the priority. Emotional intimacy is definitely more important to me than physical intimacy.

CC_David Level 5 Jan 6, 2018
8

I can’t speak for the every guy, but no. Sex is important for men in general, but if that’s all your interested in after 25, then you’re pretty shallow.

SHALLOW HAL funny movie with Gweneth Paltrow dual roles one in a FAT SUIT breaking chairs

8

I'm glad he was at least upfront about it and you found out before getting too emotionally invested. Sorry to hear about your experience.

Me too! I at least give him props for that.

6

I've been dating these past few months and its amazing how some tell you you're a good kisser-promise a long, romantic weekend then cancel fifteen minutes before he's supposed to pick you up. The guys I've met just want dates. Can make a girl get frustrated.Where do you live? Maybe we should switch places lol.?

Lol. Maybe we should. I’m not having a lot of luck in SC. smile003.gif

5

Guys aren't the only ones. It depends on the individual person.

5

I don't want FWB. I want a meaningful relationship, there needs to be some partnership and commitment. I don't plan to compromise, so I expect to be single for quite a while yet.

I’m with you. I don’t want to get married right now, but I do want a commitment if there is sex involved. I’m sure I will be single a long time too.

4

I definitely enjoy sex, but for me love + sex is the absolute best. There is something so intimate and personal about it. Give your all to the one you adore. So, definitely for me, it's a relationship plus sex.

balou Level 8 Jan 12, 2018

I agree.

Absolutely True

4

I Like the woman who wants it all. Because I believe I got a lot to give. Less than that I will be just a tool. Not that a tool does not have his use and yes I gave it masculine pronoun. ***In a different but similar subject Liz Taylor claimed she only had sex with men that became her husband, 7 husbands 8 marriages. I think she lied.

Twice to Richard Burton

@GreenAtheist Correct... that was the marriage of the century so they have to do it twice.

3

Hmm... that is an interesting question. Maybe so...? I have only had sex with people I was in a committed relationship with first. I have never even had a one-night stand. I could count all my lovers on one hand as well and the shortest relationship I ever had was 3 years, longest was almost 10. I am a long term gal, and in that, I require some form of committment. Any man not willing to commit to me isn't going to have the luxury of passing through My Pearly Gates, so to speak. hee hee smile009.gif If all I want is a fuck, I can find that. I prefer something with substance. If that is all he wants, and you want more, you should probably take a pass on this train. But don't worry sister, another train will come along again! You should never have to settle for something less than your own expectations and if you aren't there just to get your groove on, move along to the next station and await the next train. smile009.gif I always feel if something isn't good enough for me, why would I be willing to settle? We Can be as picky as we Want so long as we are also As Patient as humanly possible. But like they say, "good things come to those who wait." I would rather Wait and get the Whole Tamale over gambling with a Hope that eventually things Will turn around in my favor. You can never change anyone else so if you are already on the Wrong Page from day one, it probably would be a mistake to get your feelings involved, only to end up having to break away somewhere down the line. He has to feel what you feel at the Same time. There is no "catching up" in this game called "love." If he cannot meet you 50% of the way, Walk Away. Thats my advice. Maybe I sound harsh, but I think you deserve Everything you Want and More. Never Settle for Less than you are Worth. smile009.gif Good luck out there and I hope you find the answers you seek. I say, you seem like a cool enough person, wait it out. Trust me. Something better is out there!! PS- hey you are a pretty lady too boot! You don't need that riff-raff! wait for a man who wants to swim in those beautiful blue eyes of yours! You are worth it! Wait for someone who wants what You want too!

Sadoi Level 7 Jan 18, 2018
3

I always felt that sex was better when there was a relationship and both participants cared for each other.

Mick72 Level 3 Jan 10, 2018
3

Many people have pointed out the obvious, not all _____ are the same. However, I think everyone is missing a key element in their reply. They need to take it one step further. Just because a guy only wants a sexual relationship with girl A doesn't mean that guy (and certainly not MOST guys) ONLY want sexual relationships. That guy may very well walk out of his house the next morning and randomly run into girl B with whom he'd love to have a relationship with sex.

3

Just depends on how people connect. Some people can really draw interest and give the connection of captivate inquisition where some others are superficial and can only relate on a sexual level.

azzow2 Level 8 Jan 6, 2018
2

No not all guys are like that But most guys are most guys one head gets hard and the other head gets soft they think to much with the wroung head

cavey1960 Level 4 Jan 12, 2018
2

i'm not so sure that you're that out of touch. Are things so different these days then they were 10, 20, 30 or more years ago? Do computers, cell phones and x-box fuck with your sexual intelligence that much? Granted, technology could make you smart or stupid but thats not the same as being a sexual neanderthal. Probably some folks won't agree with this, but love is real and a relationship has to be based on that and sex without love is ok for some people but for someone who wants more, that's not enough. I think it all stems from living in a patriarchal society where males are supposed to be dominant and females are made to feel inferior. Men, when we're old enough to get aroused , the dominant culture educates us to have sex with as mane females as we can because that is what a real caveman does. I know there's a crazy little thing called love{to quote Freddie Mercury}, because I was in love with the same woman for 49 years, until the day she died, 2 years ago. I think some guys just want a sexual relationship, and some more do not. But I don't think we stop looking for love because of those who are just looking for sex.

harito Level 5 Jan 7, 2018
2

Not me. I have to have a relationship with someone before sex. When I was younger, I had one night stands, but even those were generally after hanging out with someone for hours of laughter and talking, and they would have lasted longer, but I was only in whatever town for a short amount of time. Now, I gotta fall in some form of love before sex is even interesting.

2

I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic, but I would rather have a relationship with sex than a sexual relationship. The sex is secondary to the emotion and companionship.

icolan Level 7 Jan 6, 2018

Absolutely agree!

1

Well, don’t ya think that having mechanical sex with some dude that isn’t really interested in you, is the very antithesis of being involved and relating, to sharing life on a minute-to-minute basis, with another human being, as you both whirl through space on a rock !! The Brazilians capture the essence of romance beautifully, as they whisper in the moonlight, in soft Portuguese...... “The fundamental loneliness goes, whenever two can dream a dream together ...... “

1

I have both, it really depends on the lady, how we feel about each other and so on.
So in your case, if you don't want a sexual relationship, you don't have one. Either way has to work for both and be what both wants, or it is neither.

Rugglesby Level 8 Jan 10, 2018
1

I like sex. I like it a lot. I also need to live with myself, so there's that. Hurting people makes me feel bad, which is not something I enjoy.

Deveno Level 7 Jan 9, 2018
1

I think when we think about it -- we all prefer a relationship with sex. we prefer intimacy - and want to be loved and give love

mike888 Level 2 Jan 9, 2018
1

With guys I think it's pretty common. Up until recently I was the guy who always wanted the long term, committed relationship but that's not the best thing for me right now. I think I could do a hookup but would prefer some type of emotional connection with sex. I guess that would put me more in the relationship with sex category.

kmdskit3 Level 8 Jan 9, 2018
1

I am not sure about the game he is playing. You have been friends for years and only recently there was that sexual interest in each other. What is more important is that you have both established that you do not have the same aims for the sexual relationship side. I think better I know sooner rather than later.

1

First, I see this as applying to all genders ( I don't say "both" anymore). I know there have been people in my past, that I've met during various phases of my life - where , frankly - all I wanted was their body. And if it was mutual - all systems go ! Consenting adults after all. Then there are the deep connections, the love, the caring, the passion - and yes , sex. Two quite different levels of connecting , as I see it.

1

I respect the fact that he was honest and upfront with you. Some guys and women only want a sexual relationship. Others are at a point in their lives where they want a life partner. I have been in both places. At one time all I wanted was a sexual relationship and it worked out fine for me and my friend. I had too many things going in my life and I was unable to fully commit to a relationship, but I was upfront with that with her. You may be a good friend with him, but you may not know everything that he has gone through. He may have good reason for not wanting to be in a fully committed relationship.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text 'q:13280'.
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content read full disclaimer.
  • Agnostic.com is a non-profit community for atheists, agnostics, humanists, freethinkers, skeptics and others!