I learned a long time ago not to trust anyone. Most people will snitch on you, backstab you after you just helped them out, use you, abuse you, spread rumors about you, etc... I especially had to learn the hard way in the work force. All the managers and crew gossip. It's like we went back into time and are back in high school again. I don't trust anyone anymore. Parents say to trust them, you can't. Friends that I used to have did it too. I tend to keep to myself because of all the drama I try my best to ignore, everywhere. I don't care about anyone else's business but my own. Do you trust easily? I don't.
I subscribe to the trust but verify school of thought. That being said, it's extremely hard for me to completely trust anyone.
Phrases that will immediately turn me off:
I'm sure there are others but those are the ones I remember off the top of my head.
I regret that I must agree with you. Despite human altruism, we are self-interested and self-protecting beings. It may be part of our evolutionary development; I don't know, I'm not an expert on this. At my age I have few illusions about people, how they will turn on you if tested, and it's best to assume the worst and be pleasantly surprised, rather than assume the best and be horribly disappointed about people. But let's also make a wider context point: political ideology over past decades has promoted selfish individualism, a winner and loser culture, a succeed at all costs mentality, it's you against the other guy (person) attitude, and the prevailing ideology and human behaviour are inextricably linked. We build dog-eat-dog societies and then we are surprised that people act like dogs.
I see trust like a banker sees a loan. You determine whether to put your trust into someone based on their past merit. If you find they do not deserve that trust, and have burned a bridge with you, then you know never to gift that individual trust in the future, regardless of any future merit.
Both, I guess. I tend to treat new people as though I trust them (within reason) until they give me a reason not to. If I cannot articulate a valid reason I cannot trust someone, I give them the benefit of the doubt. However, that said, it takes a very long time before I genuinely trust someone enough that I don't think about how they might actually be deceiving me. Come the end of the day, the only person a truly trust is myself.
I am so sorry to read how many people violate you. Perhaps if I share a different yet global trust story of mine THIS MAY HELP. ? EVERY USA VETERAN is trained to give 99% trust with our very lives at stake. The 1 % exception = UN-lawful orders may be counter-manded. Even that situation of trust could result in being shot by the un-lawful commander. A Marsha Mason James Caan movie CINDERELLA LIBERTY entertains both civilian and Navy trust issues. Being trusted is as great a love gift as is being violated a Trojan Horse at work home friendship or neighborhood. Listening to Carly Simon sing kept me human in an UN-human war 45 years ago. I'M glad you trust us co-Atheists here to vent and seek cathartic discussion. Liberty is the Navy word for a pass from on duty base presence. Cinderella is the label code word for a pass that expires @ midnight requiring return to duty post.
Perspective. I tend to be open to all as they approach. A stranger is a friend not yet made. As they get closer, other things begin to kick in. I'm a skeptic, after all, and I've been around for a while -- so I watch, and listen. There are some who raise so many signals on the way in that I sidestep them -- let them pass on by -- outside the circle. Others may raise a couple flags, but they don't appear threatening enough to cause me concern. I let them all the way in but watch them even closer. The third type sounds no alarms and raises no flags. This one gets watched the closest. This one is either highly experienced at being clever and/or deceptive -- OR -- one of those you really want to have around you, to be close to. If they begin to show negative signs and it continues for too long a period, they find themselves summarily ejected from the circle.
If I avoid or dismiss out of hand, I will never find those folks I want at the core.
Pretty much , I use the everything is bull~#%# until proven otherwise. As people demonstrate their lack of bull#*% the trust factor rises. Also, I tend to look at myself more so, in regards to relationships .. platonic or otherwise. Did I not use my intuition? Did I purposely overlook some red flags because I wanted something etc .. that’s not to say I haven’t been blindsided . As a general rule tho, we kind of teach people how to treat us ... so I check myself... and get rid of the nonsense ????