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POLL The Best Sex Doesn't come From Hot-Blooded Passion

According to a new study published in The Journal of Sex Research, conscientious, plan-ahead people appear to have more satisfying sex lives. This makes sense considering the fact that other research shows anticipation is highly dopaminergic. In other words, as Dr. Robert Sapolsky (a professor of Biology and Neurology at Stanford University) explains, dopamine is not so much about pleasure, but the anticipation of pleasure. I think it can increase desire for your partner.

I won't post it here, as to not distract from the linked article, but If interested, you can see the scientific evidence on anticipation in the informative 5-minute YouTube video titled Dopamine Jackpot! Sapolsky on the Science of Pleasure.

What has been your experience?

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VictoriaNotes 9 July 30
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42 comments (26 - 42)

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3

I never plan to have sex but I do anticipate the opportunity and that's pretty exciting. I guess I'm in the "take what you can get" category. Any love is good lovin'.

3

I voted for planned sex, most because I have my kinks. I want to have elongated foreplay and creative high intensity moments with varying degrees of appreciation, positions and locations. Spontaneous sex tends to be too quick and pretty basic.

3

Spontaneous sex can be hot, but I like a lot of time for foreplay, edging, after play and such. Spontaneous sex usually doesn't allow for much time for all of the things that I enjoy most about intimacy.

3

I voted for spontaneity. The only planned sex for me is being tied up with someone using the vibrator on me for very longggg minutes.

3

For me it depends on who you are with and why.....the right chemistry and the sparks fly

3

They are better in different ways. Spontaneous sex has this unexpectect factor to it that is different and great from planned sex. But planned sex has preparation that can feel better in its own right and also helps prevent unexpected problems from throwing a wrench in the works. Seems to me this question implies a these two factors are synonymous with an established partner versus a new partner which is a totally different question.

3

Planning does not build anticipation for me. I don't get turned on by command or schedule. I build anticipation when the mood strikes, through special looks and body language.

Zster Level 8 July 30, 2018

@VictoriaNotes Not very often, no. I've mostly gone from long relationship to long relationship. We were together most of the time, not just the occasional date. I hate schedules and structure in general, so that could be a factor.

3

I don't register a difference tbh.

2

Any sex is good sex unless it is something you do not like doing and are uncomfortable with.

2

Personally, I believe spontaneous sex is more hot than planned sex. I’ve had great sex either way though. And even most “planned” sex wasn’t scheduled. It was more like we were eating dinner and saw something sexy and decided to go home and have sex. That’s about as far as planned out as I’ve gotten.

2

I totally agree with the planned. It doesn't always go as planned but if not at least there is the pleasure from anticipation.

2

Like always I refuse to poll from strangers... scientic sex research is as dogmatic and stupid to me as sex with a triple condom... if you are a sex researcher sure you don't know how to fuck... you know what does it for me and for her? That expontaneous moment between strangers when she tells me... You Gonna Have to Fuck Me Now. You go ahead and plan all you want. My ex wife was a night lover, I always been a morning lover so did it twice a lot, not because anticipation or planning simply having the knowledge of each other needs. And when we started dating and for her was the first time when money, freedom and availability combined with lust and opportunity presented in abundance, we pushed the boundaries... how many times we could do it before motel checkout time? And we tell the stories of 7, 8 times in less than 10-12 hours and everybody said we were lying we simply laughed, we even once did it in the front pasenger seat of a dodge colt and we did everything imagined that you normally do while our future first maid of honor drove laughing and saying you guys are nuts but don't stop I will keep driving around. And how she described how grateful she was for the favor we still laugh when is remembered. You can analize all you want. I always been prepared for the opportunity. Need no planing or playbook. That's just me.... There are different levels of lust, the norm need no apply.

@VictoriaNotes never on my case. Best laid out plans come awash often enough... if you are studying the fucking... you are not doing the fucking... simple math of fucking. Right? ...right.

2

both have worked for me...

1

If you are in a relationship where you have to plan to have sex, then you may need to be looking for a new relationship. Or one of you needs to lighten up!

ahhh...but the anticipation of planned sex can be super erotic. It doesn't have to mean "show up in the bedroom at 6". Little messages throughout the day, a squeeze or touch...even a look that shows you're thinking about it.

1

I can see it both ways, with planned sexual "dates" building anticipation, but also spontaneous encounters being a nice surprise. The trick with unplanned sex, of course, is that all partners involved still respect each other's boundaries in regard to what transpires.

1

Spontaneous with a partner you’ve had experience with and know the body language of, definitely. Especially when you know what you both like.

But planned is far better when it’s worked towards rather than just a scheduled event:
7pm - cook dinner;
8pm - “make the sex”;
9pm - do laundry.

A nice day and some time set aside with someone you care about...perfection.

0

The best part about planned sex is the anticipation, but extended foreplay can also build anticipation. You might say that planned sex is a form of foreplay, and that it's the foreplay that makes for better sex.

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