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Are you heartache proof? Did you ever think you would be?

Decades ago after a woman who decided to move on crushed my soul like a Sandstone pebble, and I eventually got over it, I thought that I had endured enough to figure it out, and that no one would ever be able to do that again. But of course I was wrong. Have you ever felt that way to? Have you figured out what the armor is that works?

By CallMeDave8
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38 comments

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9

Buddhist philosophy has some great insights on this. They discuss attachment and its role in suffering frequently. Appreciating experiences for what they are, not what you want them to be is profoundly helpful. Everything ends, it's appreciating what you have while you have it and accepting the nature of the relationships that heals your emotions.

This is more what I was trying to say.
I am not buddhist, but it lines up with my natural personality.

7

I learned that I am done.
The walls are up, the armor is on, and that's okay with me.
Everyone else is free to do as they please.
I am done.

KKGator Level 9 Aug 24, 2018
5

I thought a woman will never break my heart... and then less a month ago... my daughter died and I refuse to recover!

So sorry for your loss.

@kensmile4u Thank You. It is broken for life but I will move on.

@GipsyOfNewSpain We are not supposed to outlive our children. My sister lost a son. It is the saddest thing that can happen in the human condition IMO. I know you are a strong man so you will be ok. Good luck with the difficult task of moving on.

@kensmile4u Thank You. I was prepared to the loss of my Mother and she still around outliving sons and grandchildren!!! That will teach me a lesson!

5

The armour is easy...just don't care. Problem is life is pretty bland when you don't care about anything. I wouldn't recommend it but I did it for years in my youth

maxhyde Level 7 Aug 24, 2018

What if you care about books, food, and good drinks, but not much else?

@Donotbelieve None of those things will leave you heartbroken that I know of so you should be safe.

@maxhyde Yeah, I'm safe. I am naturally of a stoic nature.

I meant, life isn't bland if you have passions and hobbies.

I, personally, find love and relationships to be overrated and sometimes too much of a hassle.

They interfere with my true loves. smile007.gif

@Donotbelieve Understood.
For me stuff doesn't matter only people. They are frustrating and silly at times but also the only thing I find worth investing time and effort in. So while I understand where you are coming from I don't really care about any of it if there isn't some people involved to make it interesting. I used to be a total lone wolf but found it less satisfying than I feel my life is now.
Takes all sorts

@maxhyde Interesting.
I understand and respect your position.

It does, indeed, take all sorts.

4

I quit MANY years ago. This is a site where there can never be too much info. I weighed a lot, lost 200 lbs and lived the life of a fit, 140 lb woman for 8 years. All it ever got me was laid, every which way but up, when I figured out it wasn't 'that' I moved on, some 20 years ago. No interest, what-so-ever, not even a tad. I'm not lonely, have 2 pugs, a beautiful piece of propterty, a garden to die for, what else could I want?

4

I was in love for many years and I fully expect to find that again. It’s amazing to share your life and love with someone. I can’t imagine not wanting to despite the pain I have endured, I know it’s worth it.

4

You have already said it, "armor." The problem occurs when you let someone in. That's when your shed your armor and become vulnerable. I'm not saying you shouldn't do that, but opening your heart to someone always makes you vulnerable.

IAMGROOT Level 7 Aug 24, 2018
3

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.

Sure, don't love anyone. Otherwise, there's no armor.

3

I am definitely not heartache proof!

3

I feel that I've calloused enough to endure, though I hope to not go through heartbreak again. Maybe that's why I prefer singleness: deep emotional vulnerability in regards to romantic love is the only cowardly thing about me unfortunately. Otherwise, I'm a fairly ballsy broad.

3

"And then the day came, when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
I finally let my walls down because they were too painful to maintain. Vulnerability is being tender to oneself, and we have to forgive ourselves.
The Buddhists have it right - don't get attached to anything except your own happiness. As long as you have that as your basis, nothing can really harm you.

poetdi56 Level 7 Aug 24, 2018
3

My modus operandi has always been "Open heart, open mind."

Then I was hurt by two "players." I felt sad, disillusioned and all kinds of stupid.

It is impossible to be open to love, yet keep your heart in a box, I discovered.

Loving whole-heartedly requires vulnerability.

Enjoy this wonderful, 20 minute TED talk by Dr. Brene' Brown on "The Power of Vulnerability." Her talk changed my life.

[ted.com]

2

As far as I know, there IS no armor that works.

evergreen Level 8 Aug 24, 2018

Seems to be the truth.

2

The only heart brake I've ever had was when my grandmother died.
We were very close, and it very hard to get over, I still really miss her.
But as forrelationships, I've never had a bad breakup. In fact I'm still friends with most of them.

2

Well . May I give u an advice ? Broken heart means alive heart . U played your best , something to lose / something to gain , pain for sure at times , but . ALIVE . Armoir won't do any good . 100% is the only way to go . We only live once ?

Pralina1 Level 8 Aug 24, 2018

Sure, give away. Will I take it? Ha! maybe.
Was I looking for it? Not really, but several people have interpreted the post that way, which is fine. Majority Rules. I like your advice. You're not as cyncal as some. To each their own of course, not being critical. I hope.

2

Enduring such heartbreak now. If I ever pull it together I'll let you know.

For some reason, days and nights and days strung together help.

This too shall pass. Heal soon.

2

I don't think I can be heartache proof. The sweetest eyes can tell the worst lies. I can only prevent it by being careful who I make commitments with using lessons I've learned from the past coupled with what I know about myself.

1

Who was that woman...

ocrab Level 3 Oct 28, 2018

Martha Connel from Alaska

@CallMeDave Interesting that you never told me about her. Maybe you should talk to somebody about her & your relationship. Sometimes it helps. I know you hate that but...

1

I don't think there is any armour except disdain to care or feel, and that is hardly worth it. I'm glad I am not heartache proof

1

I am not. And I don't want to be. The armor is something that cuts you off from feeling. It is not selective. You don't just protect from pain, you cut off joy.

Seeker3CO Level 8 Aug 25, 2018

A novel point, or point of view.

1

To have that armour, you have to lack empathy or the ability to care about others. I have great capacity to care for others, and yes, it has led to heartache in my life, as my ability to care deeply is a magnet to those who cannot care deeply. These are the narcissists of the world. Those who lack empathy but are attracted to those who have it, trying to suck the empathy and care out of them, but when that doesn't happen, begins a devaluing and discarding process that leaves the caring person heartbroken. This has been a pattern in my life in love, in friendship, and even in my career. It's been exhausting.

linxminx Level 7 Aug 25, 2018
1

No. And I wouldn't want to

Byrdsfan Level 8 Aug 24, 2018
1

That's life and that's why we should enjoy the maximum possible when is good.

RaulPerez Level 7 Aug 24, 2018
1

Story of my life. A heart made calloused, then unnumbed after years of effort, only to be trashed back.

1

I was there only once as a teen. It didn't work.... Never again but don't know what/if I did anything knowingly to control it. It's like I lost all my feelings altogether and gradually over time as I grow old they are trying to come back..... I don't know what for or why.

IamNobody Level 8 Aug 24, 2018
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