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Polyamory

Is anyone here involved in polyamory? How well does it work for you? Is it less or more restrictive/labor intensive than the usual binary relationship model?

OpposingOpposum 9 Jan 19
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1

I’ve never bought in to the ideal of having a single soulmate. I am capable of having feelings for many people at any given time. I’m not the jealous type. But I doubt at this stage of my life polyamory is an option… I can’t even find a date let alone a committed relationship.

1

I've been interested in polyamory for a long time. I've always kinda thought my perfect relationship would be a bisexual boyfriend with a gay boyfriend. That way I could provide emotional support and companionship to both without feeling obligated to have sex with anyone. yes, I'm aware of how selfish that is.

1

I was involved in it at one point in time. It ruined my marriage. That said if everyone works at it and communication stays open along with a factor of trust between all parties involved then there should be no problem. The biggest enemy in this situation is jealousy.

@witchymom The one that ruined my marriage was both. My ex-wife wanted a girlfriend but chose a married woman. Then the other husband got jealous due to size issues and my ex-wife got jealous due to body insecurities.

1

Interesting piece
‘Discovering my true sexual self’: why I embraced polyamory

[theguardian.com]

1

I think if everyone is honest and open, and non of those involved are the jealous and possessive type, then have at it. Such relationships work out just fine and it really isn't anyone else's business if they choose to be there and are happy with it.

I'm not entirely sure I'd be up for it myself. I've never tried. If I were to then it would have to be under some pretty tight rules and a very exclusive for as long as the relationships go on.

AmyLF Level 7 Jan 20, 2018
0

I think as long as your all honest and not hurting anyone it's all good however my ideal relationship is me and a woman but I never say never. if it was just for fun and sex I possibly would. I mean its possible to meet two bisexual women and live a loving life I guess. three is a crowd.

1

My son is full on into it, I am the jealous type, I have a couple of lady friends, one is an ex who knows we will never be together again, but wants to have some form of relationship, but I am free to see other ladies, we do quite a few things together and it is better than going away alone. I am a hypocrite and I admit it.

1

Tried it briefly. Once when I was young and the new person in the relationship and once when older and my partner and I had a 3rd enter into our relationship. Both times it imploded after a couple months do to jealousy. Not on my part, I thought it kind of fun and in the latter case, brought a spark back into a stale relationship and actually made it stronger. I think the same happened to the couple when I was young and the 3rd.

1

I’m not personally interested in polyamory, though I did consider it for a time during the dying throes of a failing relationship.

From what I’ve read, it can be varying forms of more/less restrictive and more/less labor intensive. Polyamory covers a very broad range of relationships - and, just like monogamy, each relationship is unique in its restrictions and labor.

It’s all going to depend on what you and any prospective partners want out of the relationship. Do you want a primary partner that you live with? If so, do you want to bring in a “third” that you both have a relationship with - but who takes a sideline? Or would you rather have distinct other partners that are never “serious?”

Perhaps you don’t want a committed live-in partner at all. Or maybe you want multiple committed live-in partners who are all lovers/co-parents/etc.

Polyamory is a wide open field and only you and your prospective partners can decide how such would function. If you’re interested in personal stories I would suggest the website Quora. There are several well-written poly contributors who have shared their experiences.

Thank you

4

I remember a joke I heard about Polyamory, Two college girls are talking before class about her boyfriend telling her he was polyamorous and that she was relieved because she was, too, and her professor spoke up and said, "that's disgusting." and one of the girls, understandably shocked, said "Excuse me?" The professor continued, "Mixing up greek and latin like that, it's disgusting. It's Polyerosy or Multiamory!"

Nice!

10

I have enough trouble trying to keep ONE person happy in a relationship. If I wanted to disappoint TWO people, I'd just go have dinner with my parents.

Duke Level 8 Jan 20, 2018

I laughed for a solid 2 minutes before I could respond.
That said, I couldn't agree with you more.
I'm gonna go back to laughing now.

1

First, I'm not sure I could overcome the cultural norm of monogamy, the norm of exclusivity. I expect my mate to be monogamous with me, and I am exclusive to her. If I found she was sleeping with another person, I'd be very jealous and would end the relationship. It would be a deep betrayal of my trust.

Second, polyamory looks like it would be a lot of work. It would take a great deal of time to see more than one person. As anyone who has been married can tell you, you have to pay a lot of attention to what's going on with your spouse, all the time, to keep that marriage vital and alive and thriving and mutually happy. Now I'm supposed to do that with two, or even three, people?

Which loops round back to the first point -- even if I could overcome the sexual exclusivity issue, I'd still feel like my partner was not giving me 100% in the relationship on an emotional level, because she would be splitting her time and effort and energy between me and another person.

More power to you and your partners if you all can make it work and enjoy it; I'm not here to judge. But as for me, nope, I don't think this is a lifestyle choice that would help me thrive.

2

I admire it, from a sociological and psychological standpoint, but personally, I am too selfish with my partner to want to share. In all honesty, I admire the level of confidence and maturity it would take to have a True, viable form of a polyamorous relationship. As you and I both know, that does not entail just bonking whomever you wish to. Did you ever see the... I believe it was on Showtime, the Series called, "Polyamory?" I cannot recall much beyond that, however, that show was amazing! I was so impressed with how complex the relationships were and how tolerant, understanding and accepting All the couples involved were. I know I havent the where-with-all to take on such things and anyone who is Truly exercising a legit poly life are strong individuals. I tip my hat to them. From what I observed, it was muuch more difficult since you had so many other individuals involved in most of the decision making process. But overall, wow, it was stunning to view and I felt strong levels of compassion for all of them and a sense of... wonderment at how very transparent and level headed all individuals involved were.

Sadoi Level 7 Jan 19, 2018

I haven't seen the show. I am impressed with the level of respect and true communication that goes on in the relationships of polyamorous people that I know however.

@Blindbird exactly! me too!! it amazed me just how open they were with one another. it took so much... energy just to get through the initial layers of all their lives. it was more work that i thought it would be. i was fascinated by it. i know i could never live it, but i was so impressed with how they all seemed to manage it. kudos to them, if they can make it work!

3

It's not surprising guys want this, cuz we'll fuck anything that moves, but women wanting this fascinate me. In general, women love with their hearts before their bodies, and can be very competitive when they see someone flirting and moving in on their partner. So it would be really interesting to understand - and meet - a polyamorous group of people that is functioning well.

I've read stories about group marriages failing because of petty jealousies, so I suppose it depends on the individuals involved.

What's interesting to ME about it is the level of respect&communication that seems to be the norm for polyamorous couples. There's also (I may be wrong about this) less pressure to be/expect your partner/s to be everything for you.

We shouldn't underestimate or oversimplify women's sexual strategies. Women are more discreet out of necessity, so how they feel and how they behave is less "advertised" because of the social stigmas and double standards at play. According to a growing number of sociologists women are far more tolerant of polyamory in general than are men in most configurations, and the reasons are simple. One reason: men generally don't like to share their females because it lowers their procreation success potential, whereas women don't have that "hangup" to worry about at all.

@witchymom - It's the only way it would work for me. 😉

@witchymom - Lol...

@witchymom I always say I want brother husbands. Lol

6

Monogamy is my goal. Different strokes for different folks.

5

I avoid polyamory. I care about the people I sleep with, but I’m still a one girl guy. You need to be bluntly honest, no such thing as a white lie, if you don’t want to know, don’t ask. I might be open to it at some point, but that level of mutual trust is hard enough for 2 people.

7

I'd like to figure out the 1 to 1 idea before moving on to polyamory.

2

Shopping around?

Yeah. Duh

Interesting way too advertise @Blindbird

@Gatovicolo lol. I'm not advertising. I'm genuinely curious and afraid of offending my friends by being too intrusive.

You’re not offending me. I just found it curious. I don’t practice that sort of thing. I’m a single woman man. Different strokes for different folks. @Blindbird

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