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QUESTION Opposing Abortion and Stigmatizing Single Motherhood

Libby Anne - Several years I had a long conversation over Facebook messenger with a man who identifies as both Catholic and pro-life. The topic? Abortion. I sought to convince this individual not that abortion was morally justifiable, but instead that there were more effective ways to decrease the number of abortions performed—while supporting mothers and babies—than simply banning abortion.

At one point in the conversation, I argued that decreasing the stigma placed on single mothers could play a role in reducing the number of abortions. He was genuinely horrified, and told me that he believed there wasn’t enough stigma on single mothers—that that was part of the problem. Let me ask you this—if you were single and pregnant, would you be more likely to consider getting an abortion in a society that stigmatized and isolated single mothers, or one that accepted and embraced single mothers?

Dougy 7 Jan 26

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14 comments

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2

Why are Catholic men so interested in this?? I want to see more Catholic women stand up and insist birth control be used so might not have to have an abortion. I have seen men show up at Planned Parenthood rallies with abortion fetus pics, usually with a group of little mousy women standing around them. If men had to carry babies things would be different. If you Catholics don't want an abortion, don't have one. Don't take my right to choose. Single mothers need a lot of support, emotional and financial...care to help out Catholic men???

Your barking up the wrong tree . You don't want their solutions 😟

4

Who can believe this is still a topic of such dividing debate? Ridiculous to bitch about "welfare" mothers but not support sex ed and free birth control.
No one is Pro-Abortion. Supporters of Planned Parenthood and a woman's right to CHOOSE, don't especially like the choices we are stuck with. But if the options are to carry out a pregnancy you do not want, knowing you will be unable to provide adequately for the child or offer a safe environment, will be socially ostracized and/or disowned for getting knocked-up OR having an abortion, we've got to choose the absolute right to abortion...
Until the choice is made AS A GLOBAL COMMUNITY to provide unfiltered education, free female exams and birth control to every woman ever, we will remain Pro-Choice. The choices fucking suck but that's all we got.

6

Stigma would increase chance of abortion and so would financial anxiety. I think most anti-abortion people know this and don't care. They just want to punish those "slutty" women for not "keeping their legs closed."

3

Next time you are engaging a pro-lifer, offer them a grand compromise: you will support restrictions on abortion, if they will agree to support family-friendly government and corporate policies such as extended paid child leave, quality low cost child care, extended medical coverage for pregnancy and wellbaby care, and contraception covered in all medical plans. Then tell them that the two cannot be separated. See what happens.

6

I don't give two shits about the judgments of others. If I wanted to have a child, using any method at my disposal, what anyone else might think about it wouldn't even make my list of considerations. That said, I also don't think whether any woman chooses to avail herself of any legal medical procedure is anyone else's damned business. Abortion is a fact of life. Nothing has ever made it go away, nothing ever will. If it's not your body, it's not your business, and you don't get a vote. I don't even know why people think they have a right to have an opinion on the subject. It's NONE of their business.

7

“If you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people.” -House

But yes, even as a man I can see that if if there's a "no win" situation, any one will pick the lesser portrayed evil, which in this case single motherhood is way more stigmatized than an abortion. Even if the stigma is equal or greater towards abortion, you can't hide that you're a single mother as easily as you can hide that you had an abortion.

5

After waiting around 42 years for the right guy to come along, I’ve decided to delve into single motherhood through adoption... I think the only judgement I can expect will be about my financial preparedness, which of course is nobody’s business!

4

I think if the catholics and other assholes were to have a supportive environment for single mothers they'd carry the baby and care for it. I agree, if the catholics and any conservative group wants the abortion rate to shrink they need to support women, PERIOD. Good job, no stigma for pregnancy, Women's issues are Human issues

I so agree. looking at the attitudes of conservatives it's almost impossible to not draw conclusion that they are all misogynists. Politically speaking I think the phrase put your money where your mouth is comes to mind. If you're going to put motherhood on a pedestal, it's a long long way down without some kind of safety net.

7

@Douglas Thank you, thank you, thank you! I've never had to make that choice myself nor have I lost a baby. However, whenever people talk about a woman who gives up custody of her child, even to the biological father, the trash talking begins. I agree that the American mindset needs to change in order for women to seriously consider placing their child elsewhere. Many women, when faced with this choice, unfortunately bend to societal pressures. That is how resentment, failure to bond, depression, suicide, abuse, or infanticide germinate. It cannot be an easy choice to make. More Americans need your mindset. Thanks for speaking out against a very real problem in the States.

I'm having trouble getting people to like the posts . They like the post , they just don't click the "Like" button . I tried to edit it at the bottom to do so on this one , because I really do want to promote this on going problem of social brow-beating by the Big Church , more than anyone else . . . ! >:^<

@Douglas It took my like Burt I noticed I was only the second person. Just put Admin with an @ in front and they show right up (figuratively). Probably a glitch they can fix in a snap.

@EllenDale Where do I do that ? I filled out the form . . .

@Douglas I just throw it in on the page where the problem is, like this @Admin, and they swoop right in. I've also started a new thread (posting). Both work just as fast. It's a great system.

@Douglas (See? I didn't know about any firm! We learn something new every day! 🙂

It's not just religious people. My kids father called me every name in the book when I told him I wanted to look into adoption for our son before he was born. Here we are 8 years later, I'm a single Mom with little to no support from Dad and barely scraping by as a parent. And I'm still vilified for literally everything on a regular basis. Should have done what I thought was best in the first place. Conceding to his demands only made things worse.

10

Of course the whole point of Christianity that is angrily denied by Christians but nevertheless true is that it is 90% about social control. There is a deep-rooted sick drive to judge and punish. The bible is chock full of admonitions against independent women, thinking women, sexually active women, etc. I think a big part of the motivation behind the anti-abortion campaign is NOT a desire for more babies in the world. It is, rather, to stop women from enjoying any real independence. Bastard Pharisees!

7

Wouldn't make a difference, because I don't believe it is about that (for me anyway) Society and what they think can fuck off. I have had an abortion before, it was nothing to do with what society would think of me but for other reasons I can't be bothered discussing here. What society thought of me if I was a single mother was the last thing going through my head. What a lot of nonsense.
Maybe that's just because of where I live plus my own nature.
I am pro womens choice, abortion is legal and free and easy here. What anyone else has to say about it beside the women and man involved and possible families can go &%$$^%$#%^.
Something I feel strongly about obviously lol

Sacha Level 7 Jan 26, 2018

I hope my nation becomes as evolved as yours , someday SOON ! I feel the same way !

@Douglas People judge single mothers here too.

@Sacha But at least you have stunning NZ scenery to balance that..

@Sacha Until those hypocrites get up in those stirrups, scoot their bare ass down to the bottom of the table, and risk their own life giving birth, they need to shut the fuck up. My body, my right!

Facts of life in the States: U.S. Has The Worst Rate of Maternal Deaths In The Developed World : NPR NPR › 2017/05/12 › u-s-has-the-worst-ra...

Politicians in America only care about the fetus, once it's born they don't give a damn just another consumer born. Especially male politicians. I believe all male politicians should have no voice in dealing with women's reproductive rights, female politicians should only make the laws. I praise single mothers, their job(s) never end, until the child is old enough to help their mother.

@EllenDale That stat in particular can also be found in C.I.A. World Factbook . Factbook is 1 word , not a typo . Lot's of facts , for all countries & islands

11

You are finding that anti-abortion extremists do not hesitate to stigmatize, hurt, even persecute anyone who disagrees with them. They are destructive single issue people who are poisoning our culture and political system.

10

Ah, yes ... if single mothers were not disliked and stigmatized, some women would choose to go ahead and continue their pregnancies. I have known women from fundamentalist families who got pregnant while single and suddenly became "pro choice" because they were so afraid of being disowned. When I was in my teens (I am 63) I knew women who dropped out of high school and went to "unwed mothers' homes" or got married - they were called shotgun weddings back then. Whatever they did, they got insulted and judged. They were often kicked out of high school and were not allowed to get their diploma. They had to get their G.E.D. Ah, yes ... those "good old days".

SKH78 Level 8 Jan 26, 2018
8

You could argue that this was really about abortion, and not about wanting to prevent women from having immoral sex, as fewer women having premarital sex would mean fewer abortions, but that ignores two things—reality, and birth control . Some women have always become pregnant out of wedlock, regardless of the stigma against single parents; trying to control the sexual behavior of millions of women is simply not realistic. Furthermore, there are ways to interrupt the connection between “immoral” sexual behavior; promoting birth control access and use is a far more reliable solution than reinstituting or increasing social shame.

I'm really trying to promote this post , so if you like it , Please Click "LIKE"!

Dougy Level 7 Jan 26, 2018

I believe the anti-abortion movement, at least in the US, is about controlling women and trying to prevent them from having sex, not only if they're not married, but if they're married and don't want children at that time. Limiting reproductive freedom limits women's opportunities, and men who either 😇 want the little woman at home or 🍺 don't want increased competition in the workplace are all for that. I was raised Catholic, so I know all about this crap. It was fed to me from kindergarten on, until I went to public school in the 7th grade.

@Amy0825 🍺 Cheers to a reformed Catholic!

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