I can relate

I feel sad about your statement. Whatever your ex did, surely created a deep wound! There is a possibility you are still in a state of grief. If that is true, allow yourself to heal from all your losses! Your love, your dreams, belonging and a future that you wanted with someone special! Re-visit the person you were before your ex, came into your life! And, reinvent yourself using who you are, not the ideas that your ex (or anyone), may have forced upon you! When your thinking wonders off to what she did or said, challenge your thoughts and don’t waste your energy on them! Replace those ideas with ones about leaving behind what was not good for you and face into the future toward that which gives you joy! And, if it appears that joy is in short supply...it very well may be, but head in that direction anyway! You deserve it! You will heal!

@Freedompath I am too critical of myself to get past what I did wrong. I'm over her, I just can't let go of my mistakes. Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat history. Idle hands and all, but I have nothing but room for improvement.

@stinklizard I cannot know what happen, but I do know that you will need to ‘own’ what you did wrong and try and make amends. Sometimes all you can do is admit your mistake and apologize. The other person may still not get over it, but that is not your job! Your only job is to search your own self, and correct your thinking and behaving! When I first realized what harm I did to my 5 young children, I wrote it all down and sent a letter to each of them! I worked hard from that point on to try and be a good and understanding mother to each of them! But, their wounds were many and deep and even though I could see that they wanted to forgive me and let’s all move forward with love and affection...it has not worked out so smoothly! And that will always be a disappointment to me. However,, my job is to work on myself and what I need to feel like and behave like...a decent human being! I have learned to carry my grief over this...because it can never be erased! But, hopefully at some future date, it will make a difference in the eyes of children that I love..,that i did apply myself to correct where I went wrong!

@Freedompath it warms my heart to hear you are making positive steps to moving forward and trying to rebuild bridges. I hope only positive results will be your biggest problem.

@stinklizard thank you...I have a great life! I had to face the fact that my children’s developmental process is not in my hands, now. There is no need for me to beat myself up, any longer (it did take time to claw my way out of that). Beating ourself up, takes up energy that can be put toward being a happy caring person...which everyone will benefit from.

Upvoted for username. Carry on.

@sweetcharlotte so many ways to be hurt.?

@sweetcharlotte I did not put that in here because obviously that's the worse form of abuse..

I feel mental and emotional abuse are the same

@Ravenwolfcasey
I think mental and emotional abuse are two different things. I was physically, mentally, and emotional abused as a child by my stepdad.

Men stay in abusive relationships too. Just because people are unmarried, it doesn't mean they don't have financial entanglements, children etc. Rarely are things that simple.

They can’t always “just leave”, money, children, and the biggest one, “I’ll kill you if you try”, and they do. The % of women killed by a crazy partner is insanely high. Don’t judge what you don’t understand, have some compassion, and look up some facts as well.

@maturin1919 I would submit that in both cases, suggests that violence(mental, physical, verbal) is still wrong, especially if the offender is just obviously just plain ugly, wrong, or a dumb bully. There is truth to the axiom that violence begets violence and sadly, violence begets More Violence...thereby elevating the chances of violence increased to higher levels or more(verbal & emotional upped to physical violence). There are ways, critically chosen word(s) and/or legal process(I resorted in 2003), that can easily put the offender "on notice". If it cannot eliminate it, it can minimize more "violence begetting more violence"...since any civil/legal act puts the offender under a public microscope. And since those type of offenders are really bullies...Bullies are Merely Functional Cowards who act out when they "think" that they free from any consequences..

This ^^

@RavenCT Thank you.

On the other hand, it seems to me that both physical and verbal abuse lead to emotional abuse. And probably the abuser either conciously or subconciously intends their physical or verbal abuse to cause emotional harm. I can't say that I was ever physically abused (that I remember), but did suffer verbal abuse from my alcoholic father, and I'm sure his intention was to hurt me emotionally. Although I've always referred to this as psychological abuse, it amounts to the same thing.

@bingst Absolutely. You never have to lay a hand on someone to cause them unending harm. I saw way too much of this. (working with clients).

And in my book - it being done to a kid who usually has no decision making power over leaving? That is the worst.

At least an adult has some decision over staying or going.
Even when they believe they don't.

...I never carried the idea of physical abuse to a final conclusion as you did here! It occurred to me murder was the very worst abuse in it’s own right! Interesting!

Often emotional or verbal abuse is much worse than physical abuse!

It has taken me many years to even confront the verbal/emotional abuse. It has been so damaging. forgiving and stopping the cycles has helped me heal quite a bit. We can be much better humans.

That makes sense. When the verbal and emotional abuse fail to properly cow and control you, physical abuse is their only recourse. And you've already been conditioned to accept it. That's why I'm in therapy. I don't know if my reactions to stuff is normal, I prefer to have permission to be upset about behavior I receive. I don't want to just be crazy. My therapist assures me I'm doing well, so I can disregard when my son tells me everything is my fault.

Yes.

Agree...why I left my ex years ago

I did not put a All of the Above..because obviously they are all bad but I wanted to see what people thought...about them individually