Seems like as safe a place as any to ask this! Many men say they like a strong woman. But, in action, I have seen many slink away after initial attraction. I don't respect game playing, I.e., withholding interest or affection to keep a man hooked. But, honestly, is that what some/many men want? I hate to generalize, but the experience repeats! Is an attractive, confident woman who admits she likes you to easy? or scary?
You may realize that we are all on a sliding gender scale-even the most femme women are only about 80% female traits, according to some studies I've read.
As the sliding marker moves from femme female toward the center of the gender chart-halfway between femme girl and macho male, the fewer female instincts will activate.
In my case, I lack the female brain chip to manage men, the one my cis hetero female friends and relatives take for granted. In their cases, they are picky about which man they choose out of the eager line up of suitors and would never think of chasing after men. Men chase after them, as most cis males are wired (as the predator) to do and all women have to do is to pick out the best ones.
In my case, I have a sort of "whatever, bro" male vibe, the way men let their male friends borrow and trash their cars, spill beer everywhere, and borrow money again without paying it back. But the females I know who have active female instincts won't even date men unless they do everything right..any disrespect, and their stuff gets tossed into the yard and the locks changed.
In my case, I lack the female outrage when a guy messes up..in fact, I often don't even notice, and if I do, I can't work up any rage, and if I do yell at him, that's also a male move that doesn't work.
Men, and male-ish females, yell at each other when offended, but if a man messes up, typical women withdraw. Suddenly, they're "too busy" and have "other plans" and disappear from the startled guy's life. The men have no choice..do whatever she wants, or find someone else.
Lucky for men, the male-ish females chase men and put up with anything, making excuses for the bad behavior of their men, the way men routinely do with their girlfriends.
Knowing this doesn't help, though. My instincts to react as a male are strong, but if I follow the advice in the book, "The Rules" which shows women like me how to act like a typical cis female, which attracts men, it works...I was inundated with marriage proposals. However, unlike most females who date, I had no interest in marriage..just in having a pal for ballroom dancing, and hiking.
some of us fellers, right or wrong, better or worse, truth or not, like to believe that somehow we're in charge. not necessarily like the boss but like the go to, the fixer, the planner, the conductor, but some of us are just too used to sitting in the drivers seat. Steering wheel, throttle, and brakes are under our control. Control of the radio, it's kind of a grey area. personally I find that kind of silly. I wonder if it's not just that 200000 years of evolution hasn't caught up to the last 100 years of women's rights.
I'm new here, but I've definitely had this experience many times, and have also had the experience of men becoming insecure and controlling (or at least attempting to be controlling) in the face of my confidence and independence. It's incredibly frustrating.
I like confident women. A confident woman can be strong when she needs to be, and soft at other times. Being strong all the time may be an overcompensation. If a man is intimidated by a confident woman, that's his issue, not yours.
So - are you equating strength with confidence? Maybe us dudes can answer better if you define these words a little more.
For me — even though I like to think I’m a feminist — in dating, an assertive woman could be intimidating at first. But more interesting in the long run. Usually I was drawn drawn to more passive women, but that just gave me room to project attributes that they usually didn’t have. Whether they did or not, passive always turned out to be, in the long term, boring.
I hate to be pushy and am cautious of overstepping the line, only ever had 4 actual committed relationships and in each case they were initiated by the woman. Have never thought about it, but I guess that means I am more suited to stronger women and in cases where I have initiated the process they haven't lasted long. However, I have other instances where the women have initiated and it still hasn't gone far. Crazy world, 3 of those 4 women have contacted me with in the past 24 hours, worst is my ex dropped in this morning, 2nd time in 5 years, we don't talk and have been divorced for almost 25 years. Must be this trippy moon that is coming up.
Wow - still new here, so really impressed by the quality and thoughtfulness of the responses and questions back.
Yes, I am asking out of my own experience. And, yes, the evidence is anecdotal. (Well, I mean, relationship coaches selling webinars may say there is a science to 'where women go wrong', but...) yes, I realize it's a binary way to frame the question, which is not usually my style. And yet, honestly, I'm tiring of opening up to love only to lose it and doing so many things alone. So, like everything else, I am willing to question my assumptions about romantic relationships.
"Strong" could mean several different things: assertive, aggressive, self-sufficient, independent, etc. It could also mask my own unattractive behavior: fear leading to a need for affirmation of attention, selfishness, testing love, etc.
I also know 'love lost' has been dodged bullets a few times.
I know myself better the more time I spend on this earth. As a friend says "this may be what it feels like to be alive."
Not me.... my wife is tough and had to be that way while working and taking care of a child. I prefer a lady that's seen hard times and worked through them. It's tough out there .women don't get a break. I don't have to be a women to know how tough it is for them. I'm lucky.
I can say that personally I prefer women who have a strong sense of self and a high level of confidence. People like that tend to be more interesting to me and challenge my world view. I find engaging on an intellectual level exciting when my partner is capable of making me rethink my position.
At the risk of putting all men in the same category (yes, I know there are exceptions), men tend to be more intrigued by (want) what they can't have, or something they have to work for (chase). It is basic human nature. I'm not saying you should "play games." I'm just putting this out there as something to think about. Love is complicated. People are complicated. Some people make it look easy, but I have never found it to be easy. Not even a little bit.
If you add smart to the mix then any woman with that combination is statistically unlikely to have much of a love life. That, they've done the research on.
But as for confident, yes that also scares a lot of men. Funniest thing I can ever remember was once propositioning a male friend I knew quite while we were both out at a band or something, poor bloke turned white as a sheet and said no. Anyway next day walking down the street he comes up to me looking very sheepish asking if he could possibly take that response back as he couldn't figure out why he'd responded that way and could I please just put it down to surprise. Ended up being friends with benefits for quite a while.
That depends on the individual's reaction, all people are similar, but different.
Everyone has certain qualities they find more attractive and ones they find unattractive. Heck, many people may only subconsciously identify their attraction to another.
Some men may want to feel dominant in the field(s) the woman has obviously become quite skilled in. While others might be looking for a counterpart whom they can assist with said fields, or just leave it to them.
Like many men still traditionally feel like the families provider, but I've seen many who would rather not work and have others provide for them.
So seriously, this comes down to the individual.
Being attractive and confident I doubt are your downfall, just what causes the type of men you find yourself attracted to, to fall down.
I think that at present we are living in really weird times regarding relationships and gender identities, I am too old for any of that game playing and think that given the access to technology we are in reality living in a Post Truth Society and that isnt easily handled unless you are a 'born again gamer'.
The Russians have been there longer than us and a listlessness is upon many of them - without some sense of truth you drown in a swampy soup of 'whatever!' I refuse to own a mobile phone they are more addictive than anything I have ever seen.
So this is my attempt to think about how people are so conflicted about their roles , and how to be in the world and how to be with each other.
Perhaps there is something about the chase for them? Like hunting, maybe something almost primitive wired within? I don't know, but I've experienced this as well. Personally, I'd much rather be rebuffed than have my time wasted by someone who can't actually handle an assertive woman.