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What matters most in a potential spouse?

Be realistic and honest are things like wealth more essential to you for a happy future than, looks/personality/charisma, etc.?

By paul19678
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Compassion and empathy. All good things flow from those, and the details work themselves out from there.

ejbman Level 7 Oct 9, 2018

The answer will be different for everyone....some things that are important can't even be put into words.
BTW, even if you find "the perfect person", there is still no guarantee for a happy future. Life happens.


Who needs a spouse anyway?

KKGator Level 9 Oct 9, 2018

Most importantly they need to be accepting that there will be no marriage.


@John_Tyrrell That would be unnecessary, as I've clearly stated that marriage is not an option.


i am engaged to a person who has no more money than i do, which is none. we both have health problems; we're not looking forward to a happy future. he is handsome to me but i realize he isn't handsome to the world. his alzheimer's is robbing him of his personality. charisma? ha! so why are we engaged? because we LOVE each other.


genessa Level 8 Oct 9, 2018

@genessa That is sweet.

I had already been dating my wife a couple years when I learned that that dementia ran thru the women in her family-her grandmother and then her mother-but I married her anyway and we had 12 good years before the dementia hit her. She then died about five years after that, two years ago. I can't recommend it for everybody because it's a lot of suffering to experience, both theirs and yours, but I don't regret staying with the relationship. It changes you forever. I'm done grieving but I still miss her and get very discouraged that I will ever find another partner.

genessa- You are so strong and kind to hang with your man. I hope you and him maybe have some friends or family who can emotionally support both of you and help out some as I know from experience that both of you are gonna need it.

@TomMcGiverin we really don't, alas. but... we do the best we can! thanks for the good thoughts, though.


@genessa Sorry to hear that. My family didn't help much, but our friends sure did. That's why I consider my friends to be my real family, which they have been for my adult life.

@TomMcGiverin it often works out that way. there was a time this would be true for me too, but my surviving friends are far-flung.


@genessa Sorry to hear that. My friends almost all live in my local area and that's the reason why I won't relocate for love even tho I would really like to have a partner again, because I need to have both a partner and some friends. Also, at my age it's hard to make a new bunch of friends if I relocated and then where would I be if I lost the relationship? Having to move back here, and I've already done enough moving to last a lifetime.

@TomMcGiverin oh tell me about it! i am the one who is far-flung lol, not necessarily my friends. but the result is the same.



Kindness, after that everything else will follow.

yes, Yes & YES! i'm totally with you on that one.


Someone who won't be boring because they are always learning and engaging with others and having experiences that contribute to the relationship and conversation each day. This requires a level of intelligence for me.

Looks will fade over time, but the desire for human touch, kisses, and other forms of affection should last until your dying breath.

Realistically, being finances and the ability to care for yourself in daily life. I want someone who wants me, not needs me. There is a difference.

Great answer!!!

Ditto on that last paragraph! Spouse, not a child.

@CommonHuman I am not going to be anyone's nurse, housekeeper, cook or mother if they are capable of taking care of themselves!

@thinktwice I had that in my profile once. I have been alone in my life, off and on, 17 years. I know how to take care of myself including, cooking, cleaning, ironing, sewing and on. I don't want another out of need but desire. Unfortunately, a lot of women want to be needed for their domestic skills.

@JackPedigo It is fine if a woman wants that...but many want an equal partner. I also don't need a man to pay the bills, take care of the cars, etc. In a relationship, divide up the duties however you like but don't expect it and don't ever take it for granted. Agree and follow through...washing the dishes once is not going to cut it if that is what is suppose to be your responsibility...and, you can take turns for most things as well...I hope you find an equal partner!

@thinktwice I agree to a point. Most of us have our strengths and weaknesses. I tend to leave leftovers on the dishes so my late partner did most of the dish washing (while she was home). She hated ironing and didn't do windows so I did. Sometimes we can exchange jobs but it has to be equal. I had found an equal partner which is why I am not the relationship skeptic as many.

@JackPedigo Oh how wonderful! It sounds like you found an agreeable solution. I hear a lot of people, both men and women, complain about the unequal division of chores in the household. Particularly is any wonder they are too tired for bedroom play when they have done so much work after outside work as well? Men complain about the stress put on them to provide financially...sharing all responsibilities seems to make both much happier! Thanks for posting!

Very true.


Someone who gets and appreciates me....not who they want me to be. Wealth is good but not necessary....just sayin'. smile002.gif And looks. They are important too and health insurance and a car and not living on the street's, and ....oh wonder I am still single smile005.gif



I think the ability to give awesome foot massages is fairly important.

That's my superpower lol smile001.gif

As they say, whatever blows your skirt up.


Chemistry, honesty and acceptance.


It's personal preferences. I wouldn't date a non athletic person since I'm athletic. I also wouldn't date a believer nor a conservative because I would have to practice restraint on the daily from putting a pillow over his face when he slept.


Wealth as defined by me..a wealth of humor, of smarts, of empathy...most importantly .
Eyes that are Alive...

Charlene Level 9 Oct 9, 2018

Boat ownership or willingness to consider owning a boat. Own tackle. Liberal politics. Cosmopolitan and global tastes in foods and beverages. Novel reading. Loves dogs. Laughs at my jokes. I'm obviously going to die alone. smile009.gif Alas.


Compatibility, caring, faithful.


She should actually enjoy giving oral sex. A lot of woman do it out of a sense of duty but don't enjoy the act itself.

Aristopus Level 7 Oct 10, 2018

You know when women enjoy giving oral? When the area is well kept, and they are receiving good oral. If you're woman is acting like it's a chore, she's not being taken care of...

@Minta79 I was talking in general. Just the act itself, regardless of how she's treated by her mate. Same goes for anal. Some ladies love it while don't even want to think about it.

@Aristopus I am also taking in general, as a woman, being satisfied and being able to trust our partner has a lot to do with how much we enjoy certain activities. I have had partners that the thought of giving them oral made me ill and others that I really enjoy(ed) giving head. Same with anal. It is way more down to the relationship than the act for most women.

If sex (with a steady partner) is "a chore", then something is wrong! Often sex is one-sided, as in one partner is selfish, inconsiderate, or does not reciprocate, or perhaps hygiene is lacking, or something. Unless, of course, the partner simply does not LIKE that particular part of sex.

@Rustee who said anything about sex being a chore. You must have gone to Catholic school.

@Aristopus - Actually your saying that some do it out of a "sense of duty" makes it sound like a chore to be dealt with, but not necessarily enjoyed! No, I did not go to a catholic school, and I actually enjoyed sex. At least until it ceased being fun because he became selfish and inconsiderate. At that point it was leaning towards being "chore-ish"...

@Rustee Sorry to hear it. I'm a retired biology teacher and let me assure you the Prime Directive is the strongest force in the natural world. Did you know that mankind is the only animal in all nature with a full frontal genital display? The rest of the primates are knuckle walkers.

There's a biological reason for this: human babies are born helpless for a few years. I'm a widower and I'd love to meet a sapiosexusl lady.

@Aristopus - I think intelligence is incredibly attractive! Too bad we are a continent apart, we might like to meet each other! smile009.gif

@I have the same idea. but it's 1 am as I write this. Good night.

@Rustee What do you think of this? I did spend a couple of days of the curriculum on sex ed, but this one confounds me (being male). A gay friend of mine told be that a prostatic ejaculation is as close to heavenly bliss as it gets. The prostate gland is stimulated or tickled by the intercourse. In gay vernacular there's a pitcher and a catcher. I never knew what the catcher got out of it.

In biology there's the concept of "homologous organs" -- the ovaries and the testes; the fallopian tubes and the epididymis, the ova and spermatozoa; the prostate gland and the uterus. Each of these pairs is the same at fertilization but develop differently depending on whether the person is XY or XX. Ever notice that the skin of the scrotum is the same skin tissue as the labia?

So, just as the prostate gets stimulated during homosexual sex, the uterus sits on the anal canal and it stimulated the same way. The church did humanity a disservice by telling followers that anal sex is "abomination" . To tell the truth I feel that straight reproductive sex is abomination. The are 7.4 billion people in the world and humans are turning it into a garbage heap.

In my younger days only around 25% of girls liked it, but now the younger generation is free thinking and around 45% of ladies are so inclined (no pun intended). The church is also wrong telling people that homosexuality is a choice. No way, it's a question of hormones. A gay man is that way his entire life no matter how fervently he prays or gets counseling. Five percent of the world's population is gay, 20% bisexual and the rest straight. That percentage is constant throughout human history.

Let me know if you enjoy this stuff. I'm a retired teacher and I still love it. If you enjoy my writing check out my Saving Gaia.


@Aristopus - I am supposed to be getting ready to head out of town, and have a wet dog (wrapped in a towel) on my lap, so I'm typo-ing one-handed. I am intrigued by your statements, and would like to respond more fully. Perhaps when I return!

@Rustee I just wanted to show how clueless the churches are. I hope the previous post wasn't too technical.

@Aristopus - I enjoyed reading your discourse, and agree with you! The church (all of them) are completely clueless, but I think it is by choice.... They refuse to consider that science has some pretty clear and concise answers for all sorts of situations. Not too technical, there are a lot of scientists/medical people in my family, I was curious about and exposed to all sorts of biological things from an early age!

@Rustee That's how the churches lasted thousands of years. They controlled the flow of information. Even as a kid I'd get mad at them telling me, "he died for our sins." I'd get mad as heck, "What sins?: I'm just a kid. I don't know any Adam and Eve and even if they did commit the original sin what's that got to do with me?" The more I studied it the madder I got.

For instance, when they told me the Bible says the Jews are "the chosen people," I immediately asked, "Who wrote the Bible?"

"The Jews", they answered.

What do you think I'm stupid? Even 'til this day I can't see how anybody still believes in it. Has to be the power of wishful thinking and mutual persuasion. I laugh at it now, but when I was a kid it caused a lot of grief. Couldn't even tell anybody what the problem was.


Personality, IQ, honesty. Likes to discuss things and lets her opinion be known.

DenoPenno Level 8 Oct 10, 2018

Personality, intelligence and how comfortable I am talking and listening to her.


Everyone looks different. What I'm attracted to might not be considered classical but I find that someone with a happy disposition is more attractive than a grumpy person. I'm looking for someone who wants to be with me. Who wants to share their life. We only have that, everything else is artificial.

Negativity is a killer, need to stay away from negative people , at all cost.


For me it would be emotional stability.


A sense of humor.


Honest. Doesn't feel the need to change my beliefs. Attractive to me. Oh yeah and notices me because I've been single 18 years now lol


That they want me.

Umbral Level 8 Oct 9, 2018

Same here lol


That they don’t have another one or two tucked away somewhere. It happened to my cousin. She married a trooper in the Household Cavalry. He already had a wife and two kids about 100 miles away. She and the other wife became great friends, as did their children. Soldier boy lost his honourable discharge (he was still in the army when he did the deed), his pension rights, and stayed at one of Her Maj’s secure hostelries for a bit less than a year. He had no right of access to his kids, not that they wanted him to, and had a portion of his income (he has a successful up market chauffering business) garnished for maintenance until they were adults. I do go on!


Yes. All things being honest, at this point in my life, I need a sugar daddy!

Della Level 6 Oct 9, 2018

That was rather tongue in cheek! Lol! What matters most to me is integrity.


Honest, open communicator so I'm not left guessing. Contributor so I'm not left carrying the entire load. Sense of humor - preferably off kilter like mine - so we can laugh at everything. Passionate about life so we never run out of juice.

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