65 2

What matters most in a potential spouse?

Be realistic and honest are things like wealth more essential to you for a happy future than, looks/personality/charisma, etc.?

By paul1967
Options Favorite Like

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence, and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy

Create your free account

65 comments

7

The answer will be different for everyone....some things that are important can't even be put into words.
BTW, even if you find "the perfect person", there is still no guarantee for a happy future. Life happens.

SkotlandSkye Level 8 Oct 9, 2018
Reply
6

I don't want a spouse.

dreamsinflux Level 7 Oct 9, 2018
Reply

Neither do I.

6

Compassion and empathy. All good things flow from those, and the details work themselves out from there.

ejbman Level 7 Oct 9, 2018
Reply
6

Who needs a spouse anyway?

KKGator Level 9 Oct 9, 2018
Reply
6

Most importantly they need to be accepting that there will be no marriage.

Donotbelieve Level 8 Oct 9, 2018
Reply

This

How about "they need to be equally insistent that there will be no marriage." smile009.gif

@John_Tyrrell That would be unnecessary, as I've clearly stated that marriage is not an option.

Edited
5

i am engaged to a person who has no more money than i do, which is none. we both have health problems; we're not looking forward to a happy future. he is handsome to me but i realize he isn't handsome to the world. his alzheimer's is robbing him of his personality. charisma? ha! so why are we engaged? because we LOVE each other.

g

genessa Level 8 Oct 9, 2018
Reply

@genessa That is sweet.

I had already been dating my wife a couple years when I learned that that dementia ran thru the women in her family-her grandmother and then her mother-but I married her anyway and we had 12 good years before the dementia hit her. She then died about five years after that, two years ago. I can't recommend it for everybody because it's a lot of suffering to experience, both theirs and yours, but I don't regret staying with the relationship. It changes you forever. I'm done grieving but I still miss her and get very discouraged that I will ever find another partner.

genessa- You are so strong and kind to hang with your man. I hope you and him maybe have some friends or family who can emotionally support both of you and help out some as I know from experience that both of you are gonna need it.

@TomMcGiverin we really don't, alas. but... we do the best we can! thanks for the good thoughts, though.

g

@genessa Sorry to hear that. My family didn't help much, but our friends sure did. That's why I consider my friends to be my real family, which they have been for my adult life.

@TomMcGiverin it often works out that way. there was a time this would be true for me too, but my surviving friends are far-flung.

g

@genessa Sorry to hear that. My friends almost all live in my local area and that's the reason why I won't relocate for love even tho I would really like to have a partner again, because I need to have both a partner and some friends. Also, at my age it's hard to make a new bunch of friends if I relocated and then where would I be if I lost the relationship? Having to move back here, and I've already done enough moving to last a lifetime.

@TomMcGiverin oh tell me about it! i am the one who is far-flung lol, not necessarily my friends. but the result is the same.

g

4

Kindness, after that everything else will follow.

Wildgreens Level 7 Oct 11, 2018
Reply

yes, Yes & YES! i'm totally with you on that one.

4

Someone who won't be boring because they are always learning and engaging with others and having experiences that contribute to the relationship and conversation each day. This requires a level of intelligence for me.

Looks will fade over time, but the desire for human touch, kisses, and other forms of affection should last until your dying breath.

Realistically, being independent...in finances and the ability to care for yourself in daily life. I want someone who wants me, not needs me. There is a difference.

thinktwice Level 8 Oct 9, 2018
Reply

Great answer!!!

Ditto on that last paragraph! Spouse, not a child.

@CommonHuman I am not going to be anyone's nurse, housekeeper, cook or mother if they are capable of taking care of themselves!

@thinktwice I had that in my profile once. I have been alone in my life, off and on, 17 years. I know how to take care of myself including, cooking, cleaning, ironing, sewing and on. I don't want another out of need but desire. Unfortunately, a lot of women want to be needed for their domestic skills.

@JackPedigo It is fine if a woman wants that...but many want an equal partner. I also don't need a man to pay the bills, take care of the cars, etc. In a relationship, divide up the duties however you like but don't expect it and don't ever take it for granted. Agree and follow through...washing the dishes once is not going to cut it if that is what is suppose to be your responsibility...and, you can take turns for most things as well...I hope you find an equal partner!

@thinktwice I agree to a point. Most of us have our strengths and weaknesses. I tend to leave leftovers on the dishes so my late partner did most of the dish washing (while she was home). She hated ironing and didn't do windows so I did. Sometimes we can exchange jobs but it has to be equal. I had found an equal partner which is why I am not the relationship skeptic as many.

@JackPedigo Oh how wonderful! It sounds like you found an agreeable solution. I hear a lot of people, both men and women, complain about the unequal division of chores in the household. Particularly women...it is any wonder they are too tired for bedroom play when they have done so much work after outside work as well? Men complain about the stress put on them to provide financially...sharing all responsibilities seems to make both much happier! Thanks for posting!

Very true.

4

Someone who gets and appreciates me....not who they want me to be. Wealth is good but not necessary....just sayin'. smile002.gif And looks. They are important too and health insurance and a car and not living on the street's, and ....oh shit...no wonder I am still single smile005.gif

patchoullijulie Level 8 Oct 9, 2018
Reply

LMAO

3

Emotional maturity is most essential to me. Equally important is Very Good Hygiene. I don't care a lick about money or 'looks'. I want intelligent, witty, compassionate, curious, kind, and a sense of adventure.

Spudnut Level 7 Oct 10, 2018
Reply
3

It's personal preferences. I wouldn't date a non athletic person since I'm athletic. I also wouldn't date a believer nor a conservative because I would have to practice restraint on the daily from putting a pillow over his face when he slept.

Kimberclimbs Level 5 Oct 9, 2018
Reply
3

Wealth as defined by me..a wealth of humor, of smarts, of empathy...most importantly .
Eyes that are Alive...

Charlene Level 8 Oct 9, 2018
Reply
2

Boat ownership or willingness to consider owning a boat. Own tackle. Liberal politics. Cosmopolitan and global tastes in foods and beverages. Novel reading. Loves dogs. Laughs at my jokes. I'm obviously going to die alone. smile009.gif Alas.

seaspot_run Level 7 Oct 11, 2018
Reply
2

Compatibility, caring, faithful.

jimdaughters Level 5 Oct 11, 2018
Reply
2

She should actually enjoy giving oral sex. A lot of woman do it out of a sense of duty but don't enjoy the act itself.

Aristopus Level 6 Oct 10, 2018
Reply

You know when women enjoy giving oral? When the area is well kept, and they are receiving good oral. If you're woman is acting like it's a chore, she's not being taken care of...

@Minta79 I was talking in general. Just the act itself, regardless of how she's treated by her mate. Same goes for anal. Some ladies love it while don't even want to think about it.

@Aristopus I am also taking in general, as a woman, being satisfied and being able to trust our partner has a lot to do with how much we enjoy certain activities. I have had partners that the thought of giving them oral made me ill and others that I really enjoy(ed) giving head. Same with anal. It is way more down to the relationship than the act for most women.

2

I think the ability to give awesome foot massages is fairly important.

Cassiopeia Level 6 Oct 10, 2018
Reply

That's my superpower lol smile001.gif

As they say, whatever blows your skirt up.

2

High IQ, high EQ for starters. Not possessive. Domestic. Passionate about his interests. Inclusive. Friendly. Compassionate. A friend as well as a lover. Loyal. And chemistry of course. The kind of relationship where humor is involved, always. I need a guy I can banter with.

Stepmomofdragons Level 6 Oct 10, 2018
Reply

What's an EQ?

@hippydog Emotional intelligence (EI), Emotional leadership (EL), Emotional Quotient (EQ) and Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EIQ), is the capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking

2

For me it would be emotional stability.

JackPedigo Level 8 Oct 9, 2018
Reply
2

Honest. Doesn't feel the need to change my beliefs. Attractive to me. Oh yeah and notices me because I've been single 18 years now lol

motrubl4u Level 5 Oct 9, 2018
Reply
2

That they want me.

Umbral Level 8 Oct 9, 2018
Reply

Same here lol

2

That they don’t have another one or two tucked away somewhere. It happened to my cousin. She married a trooper in the Household Cavalry. He already had a wife and two kids about 100 miles away. She and the other wife became great friends, as did their children. Soldier boy lost his honourable discharge (he was still in the army when he did the deed), his pension rights, and stayed at one of Her Maj’s secure hostelries for a bit less than a year. He had no right of access to his kids, not that they wanted him to, and had a portion of his income (he has a successful up market chauffering business) garnished for maintenance until they were adults. I do go on!

KevinTwining Level 6 Oct 9, 2018
Reply
2

Yes. All things being honest, at this point in my life, I need a sugar daddy!

Della Level 5 Oct 9, 2018
Reply

That was rather tongue in cheek! Lol! What matters most to me is integrity.

2

Honest, open communicator so I'm not left guessing. Contributor so I'm not left carrying the entire load. Sense of humor - preferably off kilter like mine - so we can laugh at everything. Passionate about life so we never run out of juice.

Seeker3CO Level 7 Oct 9, 2018
Reply
2

Financial security is one of the things I look for in a potential mate. Not the most important of course. Sincerity, honesty, intelligence, physical compatibility, non drug user, non smoker, mutual respect are some of the other things.

Green_eyes Level 7 Oct 9, 2018
Reply
2

Intellect, humor, conversation, passion for music. I'm referencing "partner", not necessarily "spouse".

Byrdsfan Level 7 Oct 9, 2018
Reply
Write Comment
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content read full disclaimer
  • Agnostic.comis the largest non-profit community for atheists, agnostics, humanists, freethinkers, skeptics and others happy without religion!