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Dating in todays society

Question to any and all men who follow me or read this.

When dating a lady, would you be still so interested if in the course of dating it was discovered that the woman in question was born male, that the beautiful lady you had wined and dined was transgender. How many of you would continue to court this beautiful young lady and how many of you would be disgusted and leave.
I'm serious about this guys it's a question that will undoubtedly have a lot of soul searching being done among a few of you.

I personally know my answer and I'll reveal it in due course. I'd firstly like to see who will stand up and tell the truth about there feelings on this subject oh and the question stands just the same if the girl was pre or post op trans.

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By darien757
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Since I identify as pansexual, a person's sex, gender, and assortment of body parts do not matter to me one bit. I would hope the person would be comfortable enough to tell me upfront but if I were told later on or found out some other way I probably wouldn't be too bothered by it.

graceylou Level 8 Nov 28, 2018

@darien75 To me it's just simpler to not put limits on myself. I enjoy the freedom to feel attracted to anyone I feel attracted to without reservation or guilt. That said, I'm probably one of the least social person on the planet. LOL.


I would be absolutely fascinated if the guy I was was dating turned out to be a former woman with add-on parts. I can just imagine the conversations we would have.

@darien75 I am from Europe, don't have the American hang-ups. By the way, I dated several queer guys and was happy to do so. This was before the AIDS epidemic.


Hypotheticals are always tricky. There's a lot of nuance and context surrounding any relationship, even simple friendships let alone romantic relationships. So I voted for the third option, because I just don't know. I would not rule it out or in a priori, and there is nothing in the set up situation that discusses any emotional attachment when the big reveal occurs, nor the circumstances surrounding the admission. Could go either way.

zeuser Level 8 Nov 28, 2018

@darien75 It's a good question. It made me think a bit.

@darien75 Good for you, all the best to you both. smile027.gif


At this point in life I can honestly say that I would continue to date her. If someone has a beautiful heart and mind then they are already amazing in my eyes. I've put a lot of thought into this and I could not see myself turning away a chance at true love. The world is a cruel place,but I don't have to be. smile001.gif

I love your last sentence! "The world is a cruel place,but I don't have to be." What I lovely way to think about how to live in the world.


I am a female and I will get into this conversation too. Sorry guys but if I was a male and was in this situation, surely one would go on with the dating.

Jolanta Level 8 Nov 28, 2018

I'm female too, and if I started dating someone (of either gender) and found out they were trans it would not change anything about how I feel.


I am an 35+ transwoman and have not had a partner since beginning my transition. However, I had always been open to every type of person based on my own opinions.

MissTrey Level 4 Dec 7, 2018

@darien75 Well, if I didn't have it... I know a large group of my friends that would beat it open.


Iv had sex with a few transgender women who have had everything done. Dont be surprised if you have bruise's on your dick the next day. Their pussy is pretty damn tight


That’s tough to answer. I know philosophically I would ok with it. The idea is sharing your life with someone you care about and trust.

My key reservation though is in the field of raising children, i.e. whether to adopt, find a surrogate, etc.

But with that in mind though...once passed the discussions and logistics, if you really care about and love them, does it really matter?

@PalacinkyPDX Yes, on the first date I will usually open with a questionnaire regarding potential child names and genetic history. If they fail they’re instantly out. I’m a firm but fair realist 😉.

Pretty fucking pathetic that a woman's only worth to you is childbearing.

@jojobean You’re right. I’ll mend my ways after such a detailed argument. Jesus be with you.


I'm in a relationship now and not looking.
But if I were, being bisexual, I'd be open to dating a trans male or trans female, regardless of their point in the transition.

MrLizard Level 8 Nov 28, 2018

Can’t put an answer on the poll. I’d be upset that they didn’t say something before said date.


I guess it would depend on when I was told. Honesty is at the top of my list of important character traits for a potential partner. Being transgender is major information that should be communicated early in a relationship. I would think that if I were told up front, and I really liked the gentleman, it would not be an issue.

LizBeth Level 6 Nov 28, 2018

My daughter is in love and living with a transwoman. To be honest, I have never thought of her as anything else. I would hope I would be the same way if I found out the person I was dating was transgender.

kiramea Level 7 Nov 28, 2018

@darien75 I have taught my children that it doesn't matter what gender or race the person is; as long as the person treats them right I'm okay with it.


I wouldn't be disgusted but I wouldn't continue dating them either.

For one, I want to have children someday and dating is a prelude to that. With a trans individual, that is already impossible and thus a major strike against them.

Then compound that if they are pre-op, vaginal sex is out of the question. That's another strike.
But if they are post-op, then vaginal sex is questionable. By this I mean that I've never had sex with a trans individual but I have my doubts that modern surgery can make things as good as the real thing.

Also, I feel that this is something that should be stated up front, the same as if you have kids or are divorced should be stated up front. If a person hides something so major from me until a few dates in, then while I understand their hesitation, by the same token we are potentially dating under false premises if I don't want to date a trans individual (or person with kids or a divorced person) to begin with.

I wouldn't find them disgusting nor shut them out completely from my life... I would have no problems with a platonic relationship but I wouldn't pursue a romantic one.

It's not about looks though. I think being trans is a big deal, the same as having kids or being divorced or any other life-altering things are a big deal. If you aren't up front about those, I personally think that's deceptive. But I totally get how that may not be a big deal to others and thus not deceptive to them so I get where you are coming from....

@TheMiddleWay So you are not interested in adoption either then.


"What if you were with what you class as a real genetic woman and they or even you couldn't have kids would you dump her for being unable to conceive."
Dating, yes since there is nothing binding me to her.
Marriage, no since I've made a promise that binds me to her.
Either way, I wouldn't adopt because what interests me is not raising ANY child but raising MY child.

"why no its her choice and you need to respect that"
I do respect that.
Which is why if you can choose to not have children, I can choose to not be with you.
That's mutual respect.

@TheMiddleWay with u 100% on this one

"Married to them or not I for one would do everything in my considerable power yo make it happen even with natural conception not being an option adoption, fostering,"
That's great that you want that for yourself and I support your decision 100%.
That is just not what I want for myself and the apparent derision you are throwing my way for knowing what I want is frankly misplaced.

"To put it so koldly that adoption isn't an idea is so old fashioned your in the stone age psychologically."
Ummmm.... again... the derision that you throw my way because I want to raise my kids and not another is misplaced. I 100% support the decision to adopt by others. I think it's a great for the kids and the parents. It's not however for me. Just because everyone is not adopting doesn't mean everyone is stone aged.

Dial it back a bit, bro. Your anger and derision are not warranted. You asked. I answered. We have a difference of opinion. No need to bandy insult over it.

"why are you copying my words I know what i said and I know how they were ment"
Yes, but when I respond, I want you to be aware of specifically what I'm responding to in reagards to specifically what you say.

"pointing out how closed you are"
So because I have an opinion different than you I'm closed? No. It just means I think differently than you. I even stated my reasons for it. You think people should adopt. So do I. I just don't want to be the one doing it. You think people should date transgenders. So do I. I just don't want to be the one doing it. It's not being closed; it's just being different.

"hile I thank you for your input I have other less closed people to chat with and listen to."
So the poll is just a front to further confirm your bias and surround yourself with people that share your same opinion while dismissing those that don't. Duly noted...

@TheMiddleWay I can understand what you are saying. I think that a lot of people don't understand that even if we do not feel or want what someone else wants or doesn't, that doesn't make them a bad person.


I have dated a trans lady. It didn't last long, and never got to the physical stage. I enjoyed the experience. She was a fun person to hang out with. I would do it again. I like women. I get as much out of a positive interaction as I do getting physical. Some of my best friends are women who are in relationships with others. I'm not trying trying to intervene. I just like to interact without sexual tension.

Bob_60 Level 5 Dec 8, 2018

I've never been in that situation, though I don't think I would leave based on the transgender nature, but more on the fact that it was withheld Information, if i left at all... I guess it gives me something to ponder.


I really need to be in the situation to figure it out, I'm more into having kids naturally instead of adopting to be honest but it doesn't mean that that wouldn't be an option. First I have to get over my own biases of the situation if I really did like the person a lot.

thyperson Level 4 Nov 30, 2018

If I have made it to the point where I'm on a date and things have been going well and I have started to develop a connection with this individual then yes I would continue.


I reserve the right to invoke the "gingerbread" clause.

@darien75 What?

@darien75 Run, run, as fast as you can.


You asked a question, posted a poll, AND asked for comments: "I'd firstly like to see who will stand up and tell the truth about there feelings on this subject oh and the question stands just the same if the girl was pre or post op trans."??? WTF???


As long as she is post op I'd be fine with it. Pre op not so much. Gotta have the appropriate equipment even if it is aftermarket. Ffs did I just liken a transgendered person to a car? I need yo quit fantasizing about the Charger Hellephant so much.

motrubl4u Level 7 Nov 28, 2018

@darien75 no it's really not. But psychologically I know what I would need to be there.

And yeah ever since Dodge unveiled the concept Dodge Charger Hellephant (designed to look like a 1968 charger) with a 1000 horse 426 cu in Hemi it's all I can think about lol


I'd love to say I'd be all open-minded and stuff, but I really don't know how is react to a cock in the bedroom. I've had zero homosexual experiences, and attraction's a very visceral thing, and I just don't know if I'd be 'actually, I can't do this' or 'c'mere, baby'. Post - op would be less confronting for me initially, but either way I'd be having to learn a whole new world of genitals.

@darien75 sorry, I didn't make myself clear. Obviously a trans woman and a gay guy are completely different things, and I didn't mean to imply otherwise. But when it came to the actual getting of it on, I've had no experience with a penis other than my own, so I don't know how I'd react.

@darien75 yeah, I watched a fascinating doco on a guy who'd transitioned from female to male. He said that the emotional changes he'd gone through due to hormone therapy were some of the most difficult bits of his journey, but he's so much happier where he was now compared to his life before.


I'm 68 years old and have been married for 22+ years to the same woman. For me, at this stage in my life, I'd say that situation would be just too strange to cope with. We've several "alternate lifestyle" couples in our neighborhood & the constant drama they have in their lives would completely exhaust me.


I very much doubt I would have any reaction resembling disgust or fear or anything. I firmly believe if I really liked her, was attracted to her, etc., that would not be an issue to me.

Seeker3CO Level 7 Nov 28, 2018

I think it depends a lot on the person and how it comes up. If I wanted to have children that would be a legitimate issue however if not, I'd have to consider how this affects my view of that person. I can't say it's a deal breaker, but I also can't say I'm looking for a woman who's had a sex change.

In addition, I don't know how this would affect my attraction to the person until i was in that situation. I'd hope it wouldn't change but I can't say for sure.

@PalacinkyPDX I'm always honest.

I wouldn't really know, I haven't dated in 4 years since I was divorced and was with her for about 12 so I'm pretty sure my mindset when I was last dating is no longer relevant.

Considering your point however, when I do date again I probably won't be thinking about children on the first several dates however the OP didn't say it was necessarily in the first several dates, simply in the course of dating. To your point if I was with a non-trans woman who couldn't give birth and I wanted children that would similarly affect my outlook.

I'm not against adoption either so that may be able to work if she was interested, I hadn't considered that. I will also mention that it's theoretical as I don't necessarily have a current stance on children.


I should like to hope it would be more based on the person, not what is or has been between their legs. As society (USA, Canada, EU & UK) becomes more accepting, this may just become a social norm in the not too distant future.
I have seen in the UK over my lifetime, homosexuality go from criminal act, to legal for 21 year olds, then down to 18, then 16. Recently same sex marriage has been legalised. I say good, lets evolve.

Sofabeast Level 7 Nov 28, 2018

@darien75 Thank you, I try. It's also part of my psychology course. Much reading about studies of studies and XX XY XXY chromanones. My daughter helped to get me past my unenlightened ways a few years ago, and now I follow her by doing the same course.

@darien75 Broadening my mind further thanks to the Scottish educational system! I like to have an evolving outlook, and who am I to tell consenting adults who they can or cannot love. When that 'Mills & Boon' lightening strikes, it strikes. Fair enough, there are societal duties and conventions we follow, but at some point, someone has to stick their head above the parapet and go over the top to victory.

@darien75 'All in all, we're just another brick in the wall'....


Not sure how I'd react. a definite factor for me would be knowing literally how her vagina worked; I'm clueless regarding this. Does it look the same? Does it work the same? Does it feel the same? I know these concerns are purely physical but the physical relationship is part of the whole relationship package and must be considered. again, I have no first-hand experience or knowledge of such a situation, so my comments are more speculation than anything.

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