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Obedience to parents

When you were a teenager/young adult, did you have controlling and nosy parents? Had your mom or dad ever told you to do something that was the last thing in the world you wanted to do? How did those behaviors influence your personality?

Aralt 7 Feb 18

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18 comments

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Probably about 6 when it became clear that parents were clued up on what the world was like and frankly, I didn't.

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I think children should have obedience to parents, but the teen years, I am so glad I am done with that. My children were not that bad either.

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I had a hateful mother and a father who was happy she targeted me, not him. I learned early - do the opposite of everything they said or did. The most peaceful week of my life was when I told my mom to mind her own business and she 'punished' me with the silent treatment for a week.

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Please allow me to turn the question around. How old were you when you realized that your parents actually knew stuff?

Never happened.

1

Both of my parents are/were very controlling, I have never seen any worse. Old man long dead so that's one down. Their comment was always, I am your mother/father you will do as I say. Too much shit in all of it to go into. Bottom line is I do not use them at all as role models for my parenting, my kids call me by my first name, long ago my son and I decided our friendship was more important than the parent/child relationship and if if came to a crunch, the friendship would remain. I am very strict, I had rules that must be obeyed unless they were overturned through negotiation. Ie what time kids had to be home, what they were permitted to do. My logic was if they had solid reasoning, and their behaviour and maturity supported their argument, the rules would change. As far as influencing my personality, I am a maverick, I am an enigma, I defy all the norms and institutions, but I don't break the law. I will push for law changes and have done so.

1

My parents didn't really make me do things I didn't want to do, but they were very overprotective. My friends were pretty nerdy and started a Dungeons and Dragons group. It consisted of both guys and girls, and they played late into the night, well past my curfew. Because my parents considered this a co-ed sleepover, I wasn't allowed to join the D&D campaign. Because this was what my friends spent most of their time together doing, I missed out on a lot of good times. At the time I convinced myself I wasn't interested in playing D&D anyway to make myself feel better about missing out. I never really considered what the more long term effects on my personality may have been.

ha, you could have been in my kids peer groups. My place was where all the kids would spend their weekends, D&D, other board games, computer games nights, beach parties. At first I was very over protective, girls on one floor at night, guys on another. After a few years I became well aware their were no romantic interests going on so they all slept in the lounge downstairs, just a mass of bodies. hmmmm, it is now 19 years later and it still happens.

@Rugglesby There were a few members of the group who were dating, but nothing my parents would have considered inappropriate would have gone on at these gatherings. They were being paranoid. Glad you were more level-headed about it than my parents were.

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Most parents sometimes pry too much. When I was home in the summer while in college I played cards with friends (not gambling) until late at night once a week. The next day, we would go through a routine, until he finally gave up.

He would start in, Where did you go last night, son/" I would respond, "out.". Then he would ask, "What time did you get in/" I would answer, "Late." Basically, I was indirectly telling him that if he did not trust me, I was not going to tell him.

This is how my youngest brother responds to my mom. But if I had tried the same thing, I would have gotten in so much trouble!

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i guess i did so i moved out when i was 16

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My mother was very controlling. When I was in high school, she would go into my room and throw away any of my band shirts that had skulls on them. Turning 18 didn't change anything because I was still living under her roof. When I was 21, she found my vibrators and demanded I throw them away. She also angrily told me that if I was "in heat," I should get married instead of pleasuring myself. She would also give me a lot of shit for staying out late or not coming home. She tried to get my dad involved by saying that I was "behaving like a man" by staying out all night. Luckily, my dad is super awesome and we just laughed it off. There were also a lot of little things that were really annoying (not letting me cut my hair, not letting me sleep in on weekends, etc.), but snooping through my stuff as an adult was the most rage-inducing.

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There were many things my parents did that I wouldn't do if I was a parent, but I've long since stopped blaming them - they did the job the only way they knew how.

The main thing I've always said I would teach my children (who, it looks increasingly likely, will never be born) is that if I tell them to do or not do something and they think my advice or the reasoning behind it is stupid, I want them to explain why - and if they can formulate a convincing argument, we'll negotiate.

Jnei Level 8 Feb 18, 2018
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My folks were not negligent, but they didn't, either, try to regulate my behavior so much as gave me pretty good role models to observe. Also, I had older siblings who were very smart and well-behaved, so I think I got away with stuff they never would have thought to do. Both my parents were very friendly, and generally easygoing people who loved animals, as I now do also.

My parents also were good and decent people. I think that makes all the difference.

@RavenCT I believe so, too.

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My parents usually didn't want to know what ws going on. There were only a few "safe" subjects we could talk about without their getting really upset... not about what was actually going on, so much as their having to deal with it.

My parents weren't ideal role models, but they were nto the worst either.

I usualy hugn out at other houses in the neighborhood and talked to adults outside my own family.

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I was told that by the time I was 12 I was really on my own with a cognizant disobedience approach. 52 years later mom still will tell me to get a haircut.

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I had an abusive step father and a mother that ignored it and chose him over me. So I got pregnant and married at 16. Then life sent me down a crazy path.

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Up until a certain point it might not be too bad to have controlling parents. I guess when we're all young we all think we know it all. Bottom line is when I was 13 who was I to actually think I knew more than the 2 people who were taking care of me and had 40+ years of experience in this world? My father was never controlling though. My mother always has been and always will be lol. Once someone reaches a certain age then trying to control them is wrong in my opinion. I don't need to be controlled and know plenty about this world now.....or maybe I'm 39 going on 13 O_o

4

While in HS yes they were controlling. Then I joined the Army (needed and got dad's signature) and got the hell out of Dodge. (OK, it was Grand Island, NE) Considering the situation, they would never have supported me going to college and my stepmother was a dangerous person, I was glad to get out of there. After that they had no control over me.

HS...? #

(Edit: Oh wait - high school. Obvious, really. Duh.)

@Jnei LOL!! I love your honesty!

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That wasn't a bad thing. Yes my parents noses were in everything - they even controlled how much money I had in my pocket. Kept me out a ton of trouble.

And then I went to college! 😉

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Controlling and nosy? They were reasonable in their expectations and let me roam and for the most part, set my own limits.
Sure. Lots of times they made me do stuff I had no intention of enjoying. Montreal for the Ice Follies every year. Dressing for family events.
I believe the net change was hugely useful. Taught me manners, grace, and poise. Taught me that there is a really big world out there. Demonstrated everyone is "us"; no one is "them."

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