My 18 year old daughter says she is "200% sure" she wants to go to ORU. It's a charismatic evangelical 'for profit' university founded by Oral Roberts. It costs over $41,000 per year.
When I asked her why she chose that school, she said that God called her to it.
Even if she were to get a full scholarship (she's gotten a $6K drop in the bucket already) I really don't think this school will be a good choice. She wants to study early childhood development, which I think is great, but there are plenty of more affordable schools for that.
I feel that she's using the God thing to avoid applying logic to her decision. She knows I'm a non-believer and we have agreed to disagree on the subject.
I value my relationship with her above all else.
How can I convince her that this is a bad decision without insulting her beliefs?
$41,000 is a ridiculous amount for the salary you could potentially make with that degree. It’s overall school rankings are not great being top 500-600 in the country.
I’ve already discussed this issue with my two sons. Their father is responsible for paying for university but there’s no reason to throw money away.
They plan to take their core classes close to home in order to decrease costs and then go off to finish their degrees.
If she really wants to go, I’d tell her to get a loan.
If she's of University age then she is technically an adult and if she wants to go to a school you don't approve of or can't afford, just don't pay for it. As an adult, if she wants to go there, she can pay for it. You can even say that you don't want to give money to an organization whose values conflict with your own. They're likely pro-life, anti-LGBTQ, sexist, etc. You're under no obligation to give money to a religious org -- or any organization -- whose values conflict with yours even if she is your offspring.
I just remembered a friend of mine graduated from Texas Tech( much better school) with an early education degree. Had to pay for it herself. An underserved Houston school district offered to pay off the whole loan if she worked there for five years.
That’s exactly what she did.
Give her the dollar figure you are willing/able to contribute, (waaay less than ORU!) and tell her she is on her own for the rest....you are absolutely correct that many colleges could provide a very good education in her chosen subject, but if she want ORU, let her pay for it.
Why is it important to you she sees this as a bad decision? You've already "agreed to disagree" about religion. If you're going to abide by that (and this post illustrates you're not), the only ethical approach is to ask "Is this the best school to get that education?"
Maybe do some research on top schools in her area of interest - all the better if they're less expensive - and don't leave out other Christian colleges. This will demonstrate you have her best interest at heart, even if you don't agree with her final choice. Take the moral high road, Mom, and set an example for your daughter to follow. You might just change her mind - in time - about the importance of Christianity.
Its simple economics. I made it clear when my kids hit their sophomore/junior years in high school that if they wanted to go to college, we could make that happen (I was/am a single parent). We discussed choice of career, schools, school reputation & weight it holds on resumes in some career paths, the value of education vs the cost per semester, etc (they grew up knowing budgets).
(This was way early 2ks) They researched & found that the 1st 2 years of college was the same everywhere, the basics. & years 3 & 4 were more career oriented & community college would give them the exact same education, while saving money to transfer to a 4 yr institution once their associates degrees were complete.
There is 0 point in the 1st 2 yrs at ORU from an education standpoint. It's a waste of money. Encourage her to go to community college, get her associates & earn her way to $40k per year. Chances are, after grinding a full load for 2 years st community college, she may change her mind.
Telling her that you cannot afford that, that you have to think on your senior retirement days, that you don't want to contribute to an education she knows you disagree, and if god told her, then he should enlighten her to find the way to afford the cost without leaning on someone that doesn't follow his teachings...
I sure feel for you!! That is a very bad choice in my opinion. I have college age grandchildren and I know how determined some of them can be. As a parent, I would insist that she start someplace else, even other Christian Colleges are not as right winged as this one. After a year or two, if she still insist on Oral Roberts, then permit her to go there. She would need to visit the other schools, but it would be worth it! After all if you are paying...then you should have some say (don’t just take over).
The best value in a college education is usually the local community college. It gives them a taste of what they really want to study and the credits can usually be transfered to the 4 year college of their choice.
I worked my way through college and paid for about 95% of it. Why does society expect to have parents pay for their college education? I say tell her what you can afford and tell her to use those funds wisely and the rest will have to come through work-study or loans that she'll spend the following 10 years to pay off. (Maybe it's good I'm not a dad.)
first ask her if she intends only to help christian children. remind her that many nonchristian children need help, not of a spiritual nature (it would be rude to try to convert them) but of a psychological nature.
then remind her that oral roberts university is not exactly the most highly rated institute of higher learning to offer such a program. here is a link to a list of the most highly rated such, and yes, there are religious entities there, including yeshiva university and brigham young. [niche.com]