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What can I say to my daughter?

My 18 year old daughter says she is "200% sure" she wants to go to ORU. It's a charismatic evangelical 'for profit' university founded by Oral Roberts. It costs over $41,000 per year.
When I asked her why she chose that school, she said that God called her to it. πŸ˜•
Even if she were to get a full scholarship (she's gotten a $6K drop in the bucket already) I really don't think this school will be a good choice. She wants to study early childhood development, which I think is great, but there are plenty of more affordable schools for that.
I feel that she's using the God thing to avoid applying logic to her decision. She knows I'm a non-believer and we have agreed to disagree on the subject.
I value my relationship with her above all else.
How can I convince her that this is a bad decision without insulting her beliefs?

By Papa19655
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42 comments

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9

If god called you to it he's also figured out how you'll pay for it. Good luck.

1of5 Level 7 Apr 13, 2019

I was going to say if God told her to go, then God can pay for it.

Best answer!

Amen.

7

Let her pay for it. That is really expensive. You can find a better education for less for sure.

Sticks48 Level 9 Apr 13, 2019
6

$41,000 is a ridiculous amount for the salary you could potentially make with that degree. It’s overall school rankings are not great being top 500-600 in the country.

I’ve already discussed this issue with my two sons. Their father is responsible for paying for university but there’s no reason to throw money away.
They plan to take their core classes close to home in order to decrease costs and then go off to finish their degrees.

If she really wants to go, I’d tell her to get a loan.

Yeah, she's suggested the student loan idea. It's just such a huge amount that I'd hate to see her saddled with that kind of debt so early on.

5

Did it occur to you that she may be looking for a MRS. degree more than a BA/BS?

I have a slew of Mormon cousins, not one of those girls got a degree, but they all found husbands. At college. That old Mrs. Degree is easier than school.

Agreed. A holy rolling son-in-law though? Sheesh.

5

If she's of University age then she is technically an adult and if she wants to go to a school you don't approve of or can't afford, just don't pay for it. As an adult, if she wants to go there, she can pay for it. You can even say that you don't want to give money to an organization whose values conflict with your own. They're likely pro-life, anti-LGBTQ, sexist, etc. You're under no obligation to give money to a religious org -- or any organization -- whose values conflict with yours even if she is your offspring.

Olnoseven Level 7 Apr 13, 2019

I’d go further: it’s not unreasonable to point out that it be an offense to your beliefs to fund such an organisation.

5

Reason with her on the basis of cost. I'd also look up info on other schools that offer an education in her field of choice that are more reasonable then present those as options for her to consider. Leave god out of it altogether.

4

I just remembered a friend of mine graduated from Texas Tech( much better school) with an early education degree. Had to pay for it herself. An underserved Houston school district offered to pay off the whole loan if she worked there for five years.
That’s exactly what she did.

That would be swell. Hopefully she can be swayed to go to a sensible school. Her Grandma lives about halfway between Tech and UNT. I would be thrilled if she chose either.

4

God called her to go there and you tell her to ask god to pay the costs if he wants her there smile007.gif

margarida Level 5 Apr 13, 2019

Okay, this.

Over 200K for a useless piece of paper....No.

4

Give her the dollar figure you are willing/able to contribute, (waaay less than ORU!) and tell her she is on her own for the rest....you are absolutely correct that many colleges could provide a very good education in her chosen subject, but if she want ORU, let her pay for it.

4

Tell her you don't have the money.

3

Why is it important to you she sees this as a bad decision? You've already "agreed to disagree" about religion. If you're going to abide by that (and this post illustrates you're not), the only ethical approach is to ask "Is this the best school to get that education?"

Maybe do some research on top schools in her area of interest - all the better if they're less expensive - and don't leave out other Christian colleges. This will demonstrate you have her best interest at heart, even if you don't agree with her final choice. Take the moral high road, Mom, and set an example for your daughter to follow. You might just change her mind - in time - about the importance of Christianity.

My $.02.

3

Very likely, you aren't going to convince her. If you are going to be footing the bill and are not able to pay, spell it out to her. If she can find the money, it's her decision.

3

Who’s going to pay for this?

Jolanta Level 8 Apr 13, 2019

She's talking grants and student loans. What a big debt though.

God, of course!

3

Tell her to pay for it. That should work lol

3

Its simple economics. I made it clear when my kids hit their sophomore/junior years in high school that if they wanted to go to college, we could make that happen (I was/am a single parent). We discussed choice of career, schools, school reputation & weight it holds on resumes in some career paths, the value of education vs the cost per semester, etc (they grew up knowing budgets).

(This was way early 2ks) They researched & found that the 1st 2 years of college was the same everywhere, the basics. & years 3 & 4 were more career oriented & community college would give them the exact same education, while saving money to transfer to a 4 yr institution once their associates degrees were complete.

There is 0 point in the 1st 2 yrs at ORU from an education standpoint. It's a waste of money. Encourage her to go to community college, get her associates & earn her way to $40k per year. Chances are, after grinding a full load for 2 years st community college, she may change her mind.

PS & that way God can.provide the $$ for her to go IF that's his will.

3

Tell her I'll get her a place on the children's nursing course at my university

Amisja Level 8 Apr 13, 2019
3

Telling her that you cannot afford that, that you have to think on your senior retirement days, that you don't want to contribute to an education she knows you disagree, and if god told her, then he should enlighten her to find the way to afford the cost without leaning on someone that doesn't follow his teachings...

3

I sure feel for you!! That is a very bad choice in my opinion. I have college age grandchildren and I know how determined some of them can be. As a parent, I would insist that she start someplace else, even other Christian Colleges are not as right winged as this one. After a year or two, if she still insist on Oral Roberts, then permit her to go there. She would need to visit the other schools, but it would be worth it! After all if you are paying...then you should have some say (don’t just take over).

2

All you can do is love them and let them live their lives. I know it sounds simple. But what else can you do?

It does sound simple. The truth often does. πŸ˜‰

2

The best value in a college education is usually the local community college. It gives them a taste of what they really want to study and the credits can usually be transfered to the 4 year college of their choice.

I worked my way through college and paid for about 95% of it. Why does society expect to have parents pay for their college education? I say tell her what you can afford and tell her to use those funds wisely and the rest will have to come through work-study or loans that she'll spend the following 10 years to pay off. (Maybe it's good I'm not a dad.)

2

What did you budget?

Does it even have a recognized accreditation that can be transferred?

That is a ton of money for a place that isn't going to teach science.

2

first ask her if she intends only to help christian children. remind her that many nonchristian children need help, not of a spiritual nature (it would be rude to try to convert them) but of a psychological nature.

then remind her that oral roberts university is not exactly the most highly rated institute of higher learning to offer such a program. here is a link to a list of the most highly rated such, and yes, there are religious entities there, including yeshiva university and brigham young. [niche.com]

g

genessa Level 8 Apr 13, 2019
2

I’d send her to a school that could teach her math...

2

It's been my experience that reasoning and logic doesn't work with people who have injected god into the equation. Unfortunately, you probably will not prevail on this one. You're better off using your energy to find a way to accept her misguided decision.

But I applaud you sir, far too many people are more interested in being right than being happy. Glad to see you chose happiness when it really counts.

1

Try to ask her.... were all the Money of those Students goes. Is it Returned back to the Needy and Poor?

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