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Preferences in dating

I just got into a conversation over whether or not having a preference, in for a particular, a racial (as in preferring to date inside or outside of your own race) or sexual orientation (for instance if I said that I would only date bisexual/pansexual people or how some lesbians refuse to date, bisexual women) of a potential partner. The person with whom I was having this discussion with thinks that having a preference of any sort is wrong but for them, it all goes back to god. So I wanted to pose the question to you all.

Is having these sort of particular preferences wrong?

  • 2 votes
  • 67 votes
pansetheist 3 Mar 6
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32 comments

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0

Personally, I'm open to dating a lady of any race, but I will only date lesbians, as I've had enough with bi women leaving me to marry some dude. It's happened repeatedly and I'd rather spare myself the pain and just not go down that road again.

The question about race being part of one's preferences brings up something I've been wondering about, though. If someone said they found people not of their own race especially attractive they'd be accused of fetishizing or exotifying.

11

Everyone has some kind of preference. My partner must believe in diversity.

10

I think it is limiting yourself, but also you can't force yourself to be attracted if you aren't, and you shouldn't be shamed or guilted or called a bigot or a racist for not forcing it.

However I don't think anyone should use the term "I would never date a..." because there are always exceptions.

Unless it's "I would never date a conservative catholic " because honestly there's good reasons there lmao

6

So long as were talking about consenting adults, people should date whomever they choose to.

6

I think any self aware person will make whatever choices they felt comfortable with. Personally, I dated and lived with a blackman for 15 years, it was a huge issue for my mom. It's not her life, I did not set out to make her unhappy but that is how some people view that sort of thing. As to sexual orientation, never abuse, never force and never lie, just be youself.

4

I have preferences but they have more to do with intellectual curiosity than physical characteristics. I'm pansexual so literally I'm attracted to people all over the gender spectrum. I like people of all different skin tones, body styles, etc. I don't necessarily think it's wrong to have preferences but it's limiting to be too specific I think.

4

People are going to do what they're going to do. If that means they limit themselves and their opportunities, that's on them.

3

Aside from the religious "god" aspect, why is any of it right or wrong? Nature has no definition of right or wrong, normal or not normal. It just is what it is.

Well abnormal would be mutations, and those arent always good xD

@Neraven That is YOUR definition of abnormal. Nature has no definition for such.

Well yes because nature doesn't have a written language. If we're gonna talk about it in that language though...eh. Whatever.

2

I chose no it's not wrong. To say ones preferences are wrong is to bring us back to being LGBQ+ is wrong. Which it is clearly not. We can't even take that stance heterosexuality. Straight people have a right to not be called "wrong" either. I'm native American Sioux and bisexual. I gravitate towards causation and light skinned males and specifically Puerto Rican females. All my preferences, all ok. 🙂

I stated above that I don't care for blonde blue eyed men but both my long term girlfriends were blonde and blue eyed. I suspect having blonde, blue eyed brothers has something to do that. lol

2

While I certainly have some preferences, I also have a wide open mind, and am accepting of so much in so many aspects. I've surprised myself sometimes, as to who I was attracted to ! I can't even begin to know why - nor do I care ! Ha.

2

I love sex. I've somehow gotten old and have
absolutely no regrets with my past sexually passionate encounters.
Everyone is attracted by imagination ( " I wonder how he/she is in bed." )
Also I passed through many phases of attractions
having no preferences in mind.
I've always searched in a persons eyes.
That's the way the fire lights.

2

There's nothing wrong with preferences. How can attraction not be decerning?

1

I like whom I like..and careless what others think about it..

1

I have always dated women who I have an intellectual/emotional connection with regardless of anyone's opinion of who I should date.

1

My choices are nothing to do with race

1

it's a personal choice--as long as the people envolved are of like mind then who cares--as far as the god argument goes, pfffft---

1

Definitely not wrong. It is what it is. For the most part, preferences aren't choices. Preferences are ingrained in us. Just like how I have a prefered taste for Rocky Road ice cream over other ice creams, other people have a preference for red heads or whatever else it is. It doesn't mean they can't find someone with blonde hair attractive though. They're just more attracted to someone with red hair. It's like that saying, "I didn't choose it, it chose me." There's a difference in prefering red heads and in choosing the best security system for your home based on the information on those specific security systems including price etc.

0

The lady was right when she sang "I can't make you love me if you don't."

It's frustrating when you are attracted to someone and there's something about you that the other person categorically excludes, especially when that thing seems trivial to you. But it can't be helped.

For instance, one of the things the post lists is "sexual preference." If a man said he was attracted to me, I'd try to be nice about it because I'm not an a-hole, but I'd have to find so may to tell him "you need to move on and look elsewhere" because I'm heterosexual and won't be attracted back to him no matter what he says or does.

In an economic relationship like employment or business transactions, we can have rules about non-discrimination and that makes sense and is important so that we can have the kind of society we aspire to. But in a more personal relationship like a friendship or dating and romance, it's impossible to inspire feelings of affinity from outside. They have to come from within or they aren't real.

0

I am super picky and would never settle, I respect myself and others too much.

0

If a person has a preference like this, it may not be a good idea to advertise the fact. It may come off the wrong way.

People like what they like

0

Attraction is a weird thing. Everyone has some biases. If you are comfortable with the limitations of those biases, and you are successful finding people within that range, then why change? I am not one to suggest people stick to their own "kind", but sometimes that is a comfort and safety thing. Having few, if any, biases will open your options.

0

Too many questions. I believe all of us who enjoy sex, engage with other homo sapeins , We have sex within our species, Nothing wrong here at all. It is the republicans who think that sexual freedom means having sex with your house hold pets.

EMC2 Level 8 Mar 8, 2018
0

I have an idea that the perfect relationship would be a trifecta where everyone loved eachother. Anything more would be too complicated. Preference kinda sounds like an "either or" situation. No reason in my mind why we necessarily have to make a choice

0

I think on some level we would all like to meet someone who is authentic. If that person is supressing who they are or a part of themselves because of some notion that you have to be open to everyone despite your own personal bias then they aren't really being themselves and you would be living a lie.

Maybe you could change in time or lose that personal preference so there is something to be said for challenging your comfort zone but fundementally it isn't wrong.

0

It's not wrong if it's your preference. You will probably be more comfortable and open in that type of relationship.

Yes, you might be limiting yourself, but it takes a particular personality, that's open and comfortable exploring new and different things. Sometimes you can push yourself (face your fears) but that's not right for everyone.

0

I think the numbers give the answer.

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