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Possibly against my own better judgement, I'm going to broach a subject here that I've avoided bringing up elsewhere.

I consider myself very open-minded and as supportive of LGBTQ communities and issues as a straight middle-aged white guy can possibly be.

(and already it sounds like I'm starting off with a "some of my best friends are ____" defense. yuck.)

I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings or start any flame wars. I apologize in advance if that inadvertently happens.

The issue I'm wondering about is transgender people on dating sites. There it is.

Is it necessary, appropriate, or preferred for a transgender person to identify as such in their dating profile? Is it misleading, deceitful, or otherwise "wrong" if they don't?

Is it incumbent on the interested party to inquire about this at some point in an online conversation? Or on the other person to disclose?

If you yourself were asked by someone online to identify your "gender situation" (and honestly, I have NO idea how such a question would be posed), would you be offended?

And am I just a complete asshole for even wondering about any of this?

wilsonjoe 5 Mar 9
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34 comments (26 - 34)

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1

I am as liberal and open minded as they come. I don't believe in discriminating against anyone. I do require honesty however. I like women and if a person was born male and is now a transgender female, that fact should disclosed upfront. I will politely say that I am looking for something else in a relationship. Honesty is key, because I make it clear that I am interested in a woman and I am a straight male. That fact should be divulged at the beginning. In the words of Popeye "I am what I am" and you are who you are and I respect that. Just be honest and respectful.

1

I am run of the mill heteto-sexual male so I am in no position to evaluate the correct response from a non - run of the mill - gender roled person. However, one of the finest people I have ever encountered was (during the first day he conducted his in-service class) a male. The next day she was a girl wearing a dress. After class as the sun set we went on a long and peaceful walk by the river and talked honestly and openly for hours. I found her to be one of the loveliest people I have ever encountered. I am a bit strange as I find beauty (within) emotional/intellectual/cognitave prowess to greatly outweigh physical beauty. I wish she did not have to return to her city as I would have greatly valued her ongoing friendship. To me, trans-gender made little difference. Sadly, this question does bring to mind a story from my old army days. One Monday morning in formation I noticed a series of long wide gashes on the top of a classmate's ( a tall and very strong man) right hand extending nearly to his wrist. When I asked him what happened he told me of his experience last Friday night. He hitch-hiked into town with a guy. The guy took him to a gay party and tried to pick him up. When my classmate discovered it was a gay party he punched his driver in the face causing the driver to loose several front teeth thus producing the long gouges in my classmate's hand. I felt very sorry for the guy who drove him to town.

1

I believe in starting a relationship with honesty, even if you're not asked, rather than have it come back and bite you later. This way, you'll know right out of the gate whether or not this person is the one you're looking for, and nobody gets hurt.

1

I am a single male who identifies as Hetero. I feel that its important for me to be honest and up front about who I am. There are, of course, plenty of things that do take some time for me to share with a new partner or friend etc. and I would imagine thats true for anyone. If I had the pleasure/honor of being in this situation, I would hope that I provide enough of a positive vibe that they would feel comfortable telling me. Naturally up front would be preferred, but I'm a person who doesn't do well with people who are dishonest or people who have a lot of negativity. So I may feel a bit dejected if they hadn't shared and may walk away unable to trust them. From my view its better to be honest up front, because you want to attract the person who is as comfortable with you as you are. Maybe not in the profile but when you start chatting, but that's my personal preferrance.

1

I think it is always better to state up front, all your (major), preferences. Among my gay friends, they are not that sensitive about their gender nature, but they are not young either. Maybe, younger people are more sensitive, because they are faced with being different in the mist of younger (less mature) minds.

1

I definitely believe it's appropriate to identify as their true situation. Otherwise, yes, I believe it would be very deceitful.

marga Level 7 Mar 9, 2018
1

Your curiosity seems genuine so I don't think you're being an asshole. I'm not transgender so I can't answer this but I will say I wouldn't care if someone was transgender and didn't broadcast it immediately.

1

Hey, if we all can't talk about things then problems are sure to follow. I respect your courage in asking questions and sticking your neck out, so to speak.

0

No not really. As the former owner and founder of an early-1990s LGBTQ Introduction Service I had a transgender client and used to speak to transgender groups. Most transgender members identify themselves here. What is your issue with-other dating sites?

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