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What is the "incel" movement all about?

This is a serious question, and I'm not looking to start a flame war: what is the "incel" (involuntarily celibate) movement about, and why does it exist?

The first time I heard this term, I thought it was used by others as an insult for men who weren't "man enough" to get sex (sort of how "cuck" has been used in recent years for weakness and acquiescence in the political realm), but then I quickly discovered that it was being used self-referentially. That, however, seems to me to be a very odd position: embracing a victimhood mentality, accepting a label of weakness, assuming insecurity as a form of self-identification. But my impression is that these self-proclaimed incels consider themselves as masculine, tough, and confident men, so what gives?

Do we have any men on this site who consider themselves to be incels? If so, can you please explain why you identify as such — not just that you're not getting laid, but why you embrace that as your identity? And can you explain what the incel movement is trying to achieve? I'm genuinely in the dark on this, and what I've found so far in my reading has been confusing and seemingly muddled or contradictory.

I'm also curious, as there are a lot of men who find love and/or have satisfying sex lives who are at every extreme: extraverts, introverts, very tall, very short, heavy, skinny, rough, effete, hirsute, smooth, erudite, undereducated, conservative, liberal, religious, secular, ambitious, lazy, creative, analytical, etc. It's certainly possible for people from all walks of life to find love and obtain sex, made clear just from observing the world around us, so what's the thinking about why the incels are unsuccessful and upset by their plight? In a world of hookup apps and dating sites and online interest communities and long-distance travel capabilities, there's never been an easier time to find compatibility or at least a fling. So why is this incel movement growing now?

Thanks to anyone who has insight into what's truly driving this movement, what it stands for, the mental state of these men, etc.

resserts 8 May 10

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24

I spend time on support groups for people with Asperger's and autism. Being that these are issues that effect social abilities, sexual frustration is a main theme, especially among the male users. I have seen links to places I think are incel related. I've seen a lot of incel type feelings expressed. It's one of the main reasons I don't spend as much time there these days.

I think it would be a lot harder for a man with social difficulties to find sex that myself (being female). Men traditionally initiate contact and women are usually meaner with rejections. I have lived 40 years in this world as an awkward individual and it has almost always been women that give me trouble. I see it happen even more to men. I have seen it happen regularly whenever I have worked or gone to school with awkward type guys they get bullied and sexually humiliated by women on a pretty regular basis. I can't imagine how awful that must be. Also being continually sexually frustrated is a real thing that degrades mental health and general wellbeing. It's not hard for me to empathize with some of those men who might become hateful toward women. It is no small stretch to find some of these people seeking approval and validation in groups such as incel.

Incel is hate group that encourages rape and violence. It is obviously disgusting. Acknowledging that the roots of it are based in legitimate pain and suffering is not condoning what it stands for. Obviously no one is obligated to have sex with anyone else.

MsAl Level 7 May 10, 2019

a very insightful reply. thank you.

Yes, very insightful. I've never read anything that comes this close to describing the reality of my life.

great post, I see similarities within my own story. I learned long ago in my preteen years that my ability to observe and predict behavior of myself and others had power. In my youth I had influenced and played with others emotions to rather horrible ends (for them). That experience changed me, I never did it again.

Instead I attempted to help those around me in warning them of the conciquences of their actions or words before they bumbled or purposely chose the act that would hurt them or others.

Over time, this alienated me from my peers. I had a choice, remain objective and outside. Or keep my observations and predictions to myself and let chaos ensue.

Eventually, I just kept my internal dialog to myself. Never truly showing who I am for the depths of my thoughts or passions. Because every time I have people turn away, or just don't understand what I try to share.

I can say, that at a point in my life I was not only sexually frustrated (though hello masterbation). But strongly angry at the opposite sex. Mixed singles, flirtacious actions or words, and the bitter deep and hateful rejections, woah.

I had witnessed and supported Friends and family who's whole lives and livelihood were stripped away. The ex-partner given a comfortable life while the male slave had to work two jobs and live in his car to keep up payments

I saw (see) them struggle and how unbalances the exchange is. You could come to resent this dynamic and the underlining exploitation.

In the dating years of my life the consistent pattern I saw was exploitive. Men pay for everything, don't even suggest paying dutch ever. Bride then with gifts and trips to get physical sexual rewards. Everything has a catch, a qualifier, a condition to sex (or what might pass as love). Pay for her rent, pay for her food, pay for her car, generally chose to default to her needs (even if it is paying for a nice evening over paying your college loan).

And if she gets bored, or you don't keep raising the stakes?

She'll drop you in a heart beat for a new John. She'll trade up to a man with more money, better car, or a larger dick.

At some point I just could not deal with the emotional and financial ruin of it all.

I quit dating cold turkey and focused on being single. To better myself, to grow and learn and to let go of the resentment, anger and hurt.

Now, I have zero expectations, enjoy the moment, and see where an interaction takes me and what it might blossom into.

I also have a quick response to and means of detection for the exploiters, the using conwomen and shut them down to save my calm and finances.

Oddly enough, I have been studying a series of video blogs from a obviously christain, misogynistic conservative that details sociologic standards I haven't understood my whole life. The scenarios he describes make perfect sense now. The observations I've seen or experienced confused me. And now, listening to his stories the make more sense.

I don't agree with much of it, as most are rather negative or harmful. But, sadly show the socital psychoses of man and women. It goes back to my young preteen life and that may never grow past the mental or emotional level their whole life.

Maybe one or more my love me back someday. or some my fall into my life, or they won't. And for me, I am ok with either it happening or it never does.

Until then I keep myself entertained and keep loving myself.

@RobertFoley Dude, if you are choosing women who expect you to "pay for a nice evening over paying your college loan" or trade you in for "a man with more money, better car, or a larger dick" then honey, you are choosing the wrong women. Don't blame others for what you do to yourself.

They not only believe they are entitled to sex, but they believe they are entitled to the most beautiful women. That's why most of them are sexually frustrated. They're fixated on surface looks, they go after women who are themselves utterly shallow and so will only respond to the male model type. They can't figure out that there is more to women and attraction than surface looks. Then they get all upset they can't get laid, then they egg each other on, until all women are evil and deserve to be raped and killed and women aren't really human anyway. These idiots don't deserve any kind of sympathy, they deserve to have law enforcement tailing them.

@RobertFoley I said I have empathy That doesn't mean I condone blaming women. Men don't own the honor of getting a bad financial deal after divorce. Low income single mom here with a mortgage. Im sorry but don't blame your friends bad divorce for your inabilities. I do have empathy for socially awkward in dating, like I said That does not mean I condone the types of stuff spread by incel.

@CommonHuman Yes I realize Incel is bad. I was operating on the assumption the reader knows the basics. That is how extremist groups work. They all bond over some painful thing, then they feed off each other until it is something else altogether.

I don't apologize for having basic empathy. Understanding what makes people join hate groups is a good thing.

@MsAl Agreed, this perception was wrong. I'm not defending it at all and honestly feel personally ashamed I lived mentally in this space for a few years of my life.

It wasn't until I became homeless and reconnected with my parents that I realised all of the hate and anger I was projecting was actually hate of myself.

My story is that I am not that person anymore and will never again return to it. I've realized how to love myself. But I've also learned to observe and accept people for who they are (at the time). Every story has multiple points of view and I'm consistently reminded of this in my professional and personal life.

@RobertFoley That's so true. When we start seeing people as less than human or stop having any sympathy for their problems we lose the ability to see what the problem is about or how to fix it. Dehumanizing people pushes them farther away and doesn't give them permission to change their minds and come back. If you label someone as a worthless piece of shit it guarantees they will never see your side. It solidifies their stance. It makes the problem harder to solve. It is a simplistic and unintelligent way to look at the world.

When many people see something "evil" they take a loud and opposite stance to show everyone how they are different than that and better. Its important to call out wrongdoing but blindly dismissing groups of people doesn't work. I prefer to pick problems apart and figure out what makes and fuels them rather than simply condemning people.

17

How women have ruined mens lives because we would like to live our own and not be a servant/fuck toy to some twat. Apparently this makes us femoids superevil and we have torn down the fabric of society by wanting to be treated like actual human beings.

And don’t forget how we ‘feminazis’ have emasculated these poor fuckheads. 🙄
They aren’t INVOLUNTARILY celibate: just so reupulsive in their beliefs and treatment of women that nobody in her right mind would voluntarily fuck them. I’m proud to be a Stacey in this case. They don’t EVER deserve my attention!

17

To me it's just men blaming women for not liking them enough to fuck them. So instead of taking a look at themselves and trying to change or even try to be appealing so women will fuck them, they want women to change so they'll fuck them.

It's male privilege is all.

1of5 Level 8 May 10, 2019

It goes well beyond that. Many of them are emotionally or mentally disturbed or damaged. They often gather in online forums and, among other things, talk about hurting or raping women.

@MST3K yup. Male privilege to do what they want to women.

I agree, many of them also want gorgeous females to call their own. They set out to only capture the females of 'high-value'. they're trying to get women that are out of their league, and we all have to deal with that to a certain point. The red pill men no doubt say Donald Trump is their savior. He's a fat ugly Rich dude that was capable of buying an attractive younger wife who he refers to as a fine piece of ass.

15

The incel movement is growing because assholes and other hateful people can easily form virtual communities due to the interwebs. They would not be able to form communities with other such assholes and hateful people near as easily in person because even they would not want to hang out with each other if they got to know each other in person.

They are delusional, paranoid, loathsome folk. Literal trolls. So mired in their own conspiracy theories about how half of the human species (or more) is deliberately conspiring against them that they have invented a fauxlosophy that is devoid of wisdom, heart, and any form of self-reflection. All their evils are caused by others. The other in this case happens to be women... and men more attractive to women than they are.

Unfortunately, many despondent and depressed men look to these trolls for community. The net is a dangerous place for anyone who desires true connection through ONLY that medium. Please watch the video that @Dietl posted and you will have a far greater understanding and compassion for those who fall into this trap than I have displayed here.

15

Entitlement. These "men" believe they are owed sex, and when they don't get it, they pout and stamp their feet, they blame women, and sometimes they lash out in violent ways. And since they've been getting attention from the media, they are growing because it's much more convenient to hop on that bandwagon than to make the effort to get to know and seduce an actual woman. Self-reflection is not a skill they have learned, or care to learn. According to them, women are the problem, and if we'd just submit to their wishes, the problem would be solved. Never mind that no woman in her right mind would actually fuck a man who clearly shows zero respect for her, or for any other woman. I find it so sad that In-Cels are incapable of seeing the irony. And I wonder what their mothers must be like.

Many of them are not nice people. From the Wikipedia article about "Incel":

Discussions in incel forums are often characterized by resentment, misanthropy,[1] self-pity,[10] self-loathing,[11] misogyny,[12] racism,[12] a sense of entitlement to sex, and the endorsement of violence against sexually active people.[8][9][13][14][12] The American nonprofit Southern Poverty Law Center described the subculture as "part of the online male supremacist ecosystem" that is included in their list of hate groups.[15][16]

15

Incels are resentful that being a dick and hating women somehow make them undesirable

14

Another creation of social media.
Another extremely dangerous creation.

Their extreme views make it really hard to feel any kind of sympathy or
empathy for them.

Neither I, nor my entire gender, should have to take the blame because
they can't get laid.

14

Funny you should mention. Yesterday I ran across a long rambling post by an incel blaming feminism for the downfall of western civilization. The man needs therapy.

The facade of strength is to cover up deep insecurities or mommy issues.

I read that article.

@Bigwavedave that guy was an absolute misogynistic troll.

@Green_eyes worried about that one myself.

11

The incel movement is a mighty good reason for every woman on the planet to arm themselves.

Truth!

9

Imagine this: You are a pathetic guy with no real money, looks, or noteworthy skills. You graduate high school with mostly B's and C's and go to college for something easy on your parents dime. Once there, you see all your friends and acquaintances pick up girls, go to parties, and in general just seem successful. You try after some amount encouragement from your friends but nothing seems to work. You get turned down time after time, and before long your self esteem hits rock bottom. Up until now, everything in your life was more or less handed to you. Your parents cared for you, you did ok in school, and now you are a young adult who has to fend for himself for the first time, and you reach out to get what you want but you just can't reach. Personal development was never something that you considered.

Your mind and body act to defend themselves from self hatred. Everything has gone smoothly for you up until this point. Resentment starts to set in. Why won't they give you what you want? Why did success stop? What went wrong? Clearly, I deserve this, I need this, I wouldn't have made it this far if not. You think to yourself in an endless loop of resentment of your desires, who's only purpose is to fend off self loathing. Without any habitual way to solve your problems, you never get what you desire. So you seek solace in those like you, who understand your plight. Soon you become part of a growing organization, and embrace that organization as part of your identity.

I have a friend who followed a path similar to the one above, and honestly I think the only thing that separated him and me was that my parents never really helped me succeed, where his parents more or less did everything for him until he got out of the house. They were the "Tough love" type, where he told me that his parents literally did his homework for him more than once. He doesn't identify as an incel as far as I know, but he's the same age as me, straight, and still a virgin so he definitely falls into that category. With the growing support online I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to carry that label.

GregM Level 5 May 10, 2019

Greg nailed it.

“Personal development was never something that you considered.” says it all.

I think it’s more basic than personal development not occurring to them. It never occurs that they should offer anything to a partner or potential mate because they don’t see others, especially women, as human beings with their own needs and feelings.
The behavior is consistent with narcissistic personality disorder. An exaggerated sense of importance and achievement, a sense of entitlement, lack of empathy and a tendency to view others only in relation to them self, that is, to see others as existing only to meet the needs of the narcissist/incel.

@A2Jennifer These things go hand in hand, although it they are not mutually exclusive. It is possible for them to be narcissistic and never take time for personal development, or one of these things. An exaggerated sense of self worth seems unlikely, I believe this is just a mask worn to protect themselves from self loathing, it is the symptom not the cause.

@GregM I actually didn’t say exaggerated self-worth, but exaggerated sense of importance and achievement, so believing that their own needs should be important to others (even strangers) or believing that their marginal accomplishments give them the “right” to get what they want from others.
These things, as you pointed out, often compensate for low self-worth

7

For anyone looking for a fantastic video on incels, look no further:

Dietl Level 7 May 10, 2019
6

These are new terms that are used by trumpists and other right-wing degenerates.

"Incel" is a contraction for "involuntary celibate" and is only used for males. I am involuntarily celibate but I am NOT an incel. I blame myself for failing to be rich, attractive, aggressive, or ride a Harley. INCELS BLAME WOMEN, and they believe they are entitled to have a sexual relationship with women. Women report that the incels' attitude of entitlement is a major turn-off for them.

"Cuck" is short for "cuckold" and is also used by right-wingers to describe men who have respect for women. They describe all liberal-minded men as "cucks". The implication seems to be that women and men are NOT equal, and men who treat women as equals are just asking to have their partners stolen by "real" men.

I do have a difference of opinion with @resserts in one area: there is no proof that it is "possible for people from all walks of life to find love and obtain sex". Some of us are sexually invisible. We can have friends who are of the opposite sex, but when we reveal any degree of sexuality or sexual attraction, members of the opposite sex react with horror. I don't have an explanation for this, and I know of no research in this area, but it is true.

You know why women rarely have a Harley? Because we could care less about them. I looked. Your bio is fine, could be longer if you have hobbies? Pictures are cute. But, two of the three posts are porn, which says immature. It’s fine, just right now two of three. Add different subjects. I only took the time to say anything because you have what it takes to do well!

@Hathacat maybe it's the part of the country I live in, but it seems that every woman who posts on dating sites wants a guy with a Harley. I put my Yamaha down decades ago.

And thank you sincerely for reviewing my profile. I need and accept constructive feedback, and you are the only person to provide any.

@BitFlipper One time I had spent a few hours with a man going for walks, and then we went to an arboretum and he made me dinner. We hadn't held hands, or kissed, or anything, though we had hugged goodbye, but it was the kind of hug I could give my father. Then he asked me to spend the night. I didn't exactly react with horror, but one is generally more successful if you build up to these things a bit and develop some desire and chemistry before dropping the question. I don't know if your experience is anything similar to that, but you might think about your approach. You have to walk before you can run.

@BitFlipper I am from your area and I know of zero women who want a guy with a Harley. More the opposite.

@Stephanie99 thank you for taking the time to comment.

I can't take responsibility for the arboretum guy and his behavior makes me cringe. I am just the opposite. I wait for the woman to show some interest.

I don't think women can imagine what decades of rejection can do to one's self esteem, and one's ability to take emotional risks. It's dehumanizing.

As I write this I'm thinking I should message you privately.

I deeply regret what happened to you there. You deserve better.

@BitFlipper PM me anytime you have questions, or want anothers perspective. I am not on the market so won't "read" anything into it. I did like the bike pic as that implies exorcise!

@Hathacat yes, I exorcise the demons of inactivity 😆

@BitFlipper On the contraray, many women have been in abusive relationships and know very well what it feels like to your self esteem destroyed.

@BitFlipper That would depend on what you mean by "show some interest". If their response to your own interest is to react in horror, perhaps there is some misinterpretation going on?

@Stephanie99 just read your comment again. The horror reaction. Two years ago a close female friend, after sharing many very intimate details of her sex life, casually mentioned that I was "not her type". I told her that I was disappointed about that. She reacted by getting online and publicly humiliating me, then cut off all communication. That's what I mean by reacting with horror.

6

As an asexual male, I find it hard to understand how anyone could be unable to get laid if they really wanted it. I have girls trying to hook up with me with surprising regularity, but I'm not exactly a super star. I have explained to them that I'm as interested in meaningless sex as I am in jumping into a pile of shit. I assume they are socially retarded, and think the world owes them something.

Oh, my!

I don't think men and women experience love in the same way. I've always tried to be intimate with women who showed interest. They've always tried to make me into a businessman. lol I've been a socialist hippie all my life. I want no part of that world.

Your experience is hard to understand, but I believe it. Never in my life has any woman tried to hook up with me. The only success I've experienced has required the application of large amounts of alcohol.

@BitFlipper alcohol is usually the reason women want to hook up with me, I think it helps that I don't immediately treat them like some kind of object, so they feel safe around me, and if they are just trying to have some fun then the next step is kind of obvious.

The use of the word "retarded" shows a definite delay in comprehension. Nobody uses that word anymore...it's 2019.

@ReadyforaChange Balderdash! no one else says fire retardant? I'm actually using the word grammatically correct here, meaning to hold back or prevent development. I don't care if anyone doesn't like it!

The right to offend and be offended should be a constitutional right, that way people will expect it and won't cry whenever it happens anyways.

@Happy_Killbot If you "don't care" why do you bother to reply?

@ReadyforaChange It's really simple: Why should I let you, or anyone else think they can silence me? By suggesting that there are certain things that should not be said for whatever reason, you are infringing upon my first amendment rights, and that is unacceptable, and something I do care about.

Context is also important, in this case what I don't care about is people's feelings getting hurt by my language.

@Happy_Killbot It IS really simple...doing what I have to do for pathetic people with nothing better to do with their lives but annoy others. Reporting your pic for inappropriate content, then blocking you. Buh bye little man.

6

Sexual frustration and loneliness and hurt feelings mixed with our innate human tendancy to project frustrations away from ourselves and blame others mixed with the internet where anyone can find someone to validate their ideas.

MsAl Level 7 May 10, 2019
6

Yup, it's nothing new, just more men blaming women for their problems.

5

We had one of these 4-CHAN idiots (a message board full of hate and mysoginy) run over and kill 10 people last year in Toronto claiming it was the start of a revolution for the Incels.
I had been to that site before and had never signed up because arguing with morons gets you nowhere and I have never once been able to reason with hardcore trolls on the internet.
People (mostly young men) were praising this goof.
I also went after the attack in New Zealand and it was still full of these trolls praising idiots.Stay away 8-CHAN also if you want your blood pressure to not skyrocket.
At least most of them won't reproduce.Whiny crybabies who blame women for the fact they don't get any sex instead of changing their attitude and actually figuring out their way of thinking is what repulses women.
Incel was started by a woman and her site got hijacked and now is just a bunch of potentially dangerous weirdos.

5

Hope they don’t join forces with the NRA

5

incels do not remain involuntarily celibate. they rape and do not consider it rape; they consider that they are taking their due, that all women owe all men sex.

g

4

As far as I can tell...incels have a combination of envy, inferiority complex, laziness, stupidity, fear of failure, fear of rejection, extreme pride, hubris, narcissism, and delusions of granduer.

4

Boy I hope to never be an incel

4

If you want a peek into their brains browse the website wehuntedthemammoth.com

4

"I'm also curious, as there are a lot of men who find love and/or have satisfying sex lives who are at every extreme: extraverts, introverts, very tall, very short, heavy, skinny, rough, effete, hirsute, smooth, erudite, undereducated, conservative, liberal, religious, secular, ambitious, lazy, creative, analytical, etc. It's certainly possible for people from all walks of life to find love and obtain sex, made clear just from observing the world around us, so what's the thinking about why the incels are unsuccessful and upset by their plight?"

  1. As I understand it, incels combine deep insecurities and inability to treat women like one adult should treat another. While there are some unfortunate women who can accept that kind of partner; there are not nearly enough for each incel to have one.

  2. Some people derive more satisfaction from raging against perceived slights to their manhood than they believe they could get from moving on and growing up.
    If you're familiar with the internet you must have noticed by now that many love vinding themselves up into self-righteous fury, preferably in large crowds. It doesn't have to be against a real enemy, because the righteous anger is the point of the exercise.
    In the case of the incel, women are just the easiest target of their... emotional ritual release.

4

I will be following this post.

3

Lots of good discussion here. There is a real issue with people blaming things that they have little control over for their lack of attractiveness. It's like they want an excuse to not try. Change your attitude. Treat women as people. Care for others. Listen to what people say.

3

Frustrated little boys who lack any communication skills that blame women for the fact they are lazy weak minded mammy's boys

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