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What is the "incel" movement all about?

This is a serious question, and I'm not looking to start a flame war: what is the "incel" (involuntarily celibate) movement about, and why does it exist?

The first time I heard this term, I thought it was used by others as an insult for men who weren't "man enough" to get sex (sort of how "cuck" has been used in recent years for weakness and acquiescence in the political realm), but then I quickly discovered that it was being used self-referentially. That, however, seems to me to be a very odd position: embracing a victimhood mentality, accepting a label of weakness, assuming insecurity as a form of self-identification. But my impression is that these self-proclaimed incels consider themselves as masculine, tough, and confident men, so what gives?

Do we have any men on this site who consider themselves to be incels? If so, can you please explain why you identify as such — not just that you're not getting laid, but why you embrace that as your identity? And can you explain what the incel movement is trying to achieve? I'm genuinely in the dark on this, and what I've found so far in my reading has been confusing and seemingly muddled or contradictory.

I'm also curious, as there are a lot of men who find love and/or have satisfying sex lives who are at every extreme: extraverts, introverts, very tall, very short, heavy, skinny, rough, effete, hirsute, smooth, erudite, undereducated, conservative, liberal, religious, secular, ambitious, lazy, creative, analytical, etc. It's certainly possible for people from all walks of life to find love and obtain sex, made clear just from observing the world around us, so what's the thinking about why the incels are unsuccessful and upset by their plight? In a world of hookup apps and dating sites and online interest communities and long-distance travel capabilities, there's never been an easier time to find compatibility or at least a fling. So why is this incel movement growing now?

Thanks to anyone who has insight into what's truly driving this movement, what it stands for, the mental state of these men, etc.

resserts 8 May 10
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44 comments (26 - 44)

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13

How women have ruined mens lives because we would like to live our own and not be a servant/fuck toy to some twat. Apparently this makes us femoids superevil and we have torn down the fabric of society by wanting to be treated like actual human beings.

And don’t forget how we ‘feminazis’ have emasculated these poor fuckheads. 🙄
They aren’t INVOLUNTARILY celibate: just so reupulsive in their beliefs and treatment of women that nobody in her right mind would voluntarily fuck them. I’m proud to be a Stacey in this case. They don’t EVER deserve my attention!

10

Another creation of social media.
Another extremely dangerous creation.

Their extreme views make it really hard to feel any kind of sympathy or
empathy for them.

Neither I, nor my entire gender, should have to take the blame because
they can't get laid.

3

Boy I hope to never be an incel

8

The incel movement is a mighty good reason for every woman on the planet to arm themselves.

Truth!

3

These are new terms that are used by trumpists and other right-wing degenerates.

"Incel" is a contraction for "involuntary celibate" and is only used for males. I am involuntarily celibate but I am NOT an incel. I blame myself for failing to be rich, attractive, aggressive, or ride a Harley. INCELS BLAME WOMEN, and they believe they are entitled to have a sexual relationship with women. Women report that the incels' attitude of entitlement is a major turn-off for them.

"Cuck" is short for "cuckold" and is also used by right-wingers to describe men who have respect for women. They describe all liberal-minded men as "cucks". The implication seems to be that women and men are NOT equal, and men who treat women as equals are just asking to have their partners stolen by "real" men.

I do have a difference of opinion with @resserts in one area: there is no proof that it is "possible for people from all walks of life to find love and obtain sex". Some of us are sexually invisible. We can have friends who are of the opposite sex, but when we reveal any degree of sexuality or sexual attraction, members of the opposite sex react with horror. I don't have an explanation for this, and I know of no research in this area, but it is true.

You know why women rarely have a Harley? Because we could care less about them. I looked. Your bio is fine, could be longer if you have hobbies? Pictures are cute. But, two of the three posts are porn, which says immature. It’s fine, just right now two of three. Add different subjects. I only took the time to say anything because you have what it takes to do well!

@Hathacat maybe it's the part of the country I live in, but it seems that every woman who posts on dating sites wants a guy with a Harley. I put my Yamaha down decades ago.

And thank you sincerely for reviewing my profile. I need and accept constructive feedback, and you are the only person to provide any.

@BitFlipper One time I had spent a few hours with a man going for walks, and then we went to an arboretum and he made me dinner. We hadn't held hands, or kissed, or anything, though we had hugged goodbye, but it was the kind of hug I could give my father. Then he asked me to spend the night. I didn't exactly react with horror, but one is generally more successful if you build up to these things a bit and develop some desire and chemistry before dropping the question. I don't know if your experience is anything similar to that, but you might think about your approach. You have to walk before you can run.

@BitFlipper I am from your area and I know of zero women who want a guy with a Harley. More the opposite.

@Stephanie99 thank you for taking the time to comment.

I can't take responsibility for the arboretum guy and his behavior makes me cringe. I am just the opposite. I wait for the woman to show some interest.

I don't think women can imagine what decades of rejection can do to one's self esteem, and one's ability to take emotional risks. It's dehumanizing.

As I write this I'm thinking I should message you privately.

I deeply regret what happened to you there. You deserve better.

@BitFlipper PM me anytime you have questions, or want anothers perspective. I am not on the market so won't "read" anything into it. I did like the bike pic as that implies exorcise!

@Hathacat yes, I exorcise the demons of inactivity 😆

@BitFlipper On the contraray, many women have been in abusive relationships and know very well what it feels like to your self esteem destroyed.

@BitFlipper That would depend on what you mean by "show some interest". If their response to your own interest is to react in horror, perhaps there is some misinterpretation going on?

@Stephanie99 just read your comment again. The horror reaction. Two years ago a close female friend, after sharing many very intimate details of her sex life, casually mentioned that I was "not her type". I told her that I was disappointed about that. She reacted by getting online and publicly humiliating me, then cut off all communication. That's what I mean by reacting with horror.

1

I wonder if that incel thing is not simply a wrong answer to a good question. I wonder if incels are highly obsessed with traditionnal sexual stereotypes, narrow stereotypes about what a real man and what a real woman should be like. Incels might feel frustrated and unattractive because they don't match with these stereotypes.

More like little boys who have had their mothers say yes to them all their lives but when a real women says no they throw their toys out of their prams

From what I've read and heard about them, they go way beyond simply being obsessed with stereotypes. Many of not most of them sound clearly disturbed. They love to talk about violence against women and to egg each other on. I find their attitudes and behavior deplorable. It's just bullshit to blame women for their own failures, and to feel they are entitled to sex regardless of their behavior or attitudes. They are screwed-up people though, clearly. Perhaps some professional help can turn some of them around.

3

As far as I can tell...incels have a combination of envy, inferiority complex, laziness, stupidity, fear of failure, fear of rejection, extreme pride, hubris, narcissism, and delusions of granduer.

1

I like Natalie Wynn’s treatment of the topic:

Great breakdown of incels

2

Frustrated little boys who lack any communication skills that blame women for the fact they are lazy weak minded mammy's boys

0

How ‘Incel’ Got Hijacked: What started as an empathetic term became a rallying point for violent men. [politico.com]

Patriarchy, Pop Culture, And The Taboo Of Adult Male Virginity [theestablishment.co]

Buxx Level 7 May 11, 2019
0

The woman who founded the 'incel' movement [bbc.com]

Buxx Level 7 May 11, 2019
0

It is worth noting that below, I linked to three news articles and a Youtube video because I am afraid of discussing my personal experience. I am specifically afraid of any stigma and backlash that may result, real or perceived.

Buxx Level 7 May 11, 2019
0
2

According to the Wikipedia article there are a number of female incel web sites and there is some controversy over whether there are more women incels than men.

Screaming and yelling and demonizing these incels and banishing them from society will do nothing but radicalize them further.

0

Dead end

bobwjr Level 10 May 11, 2019
3

Lots of good discussion here. There is a real issue with people blaming things that they have little control over for their lack of attractiveness. It's like they want an excuse to not try. Change your attitude. Treat women as people. Care for others. Listen to what people say.

0

Incel/Veganism, etc, etc, imho are just the newish 'trends' trying to change the human race into their own images/ideologies. i.e. a possibly new-age terrorism/fascism under a very, very thin veneer of caring, kindness, sweetness, etc, etc.
Somewhat similar to the ' Australian Activists for Indigenous Australians' who are little more than, imho, Europeans who see a great source of income and Media Exposure by exploiting others.

1

Another label that divides and separates people even further. Don’t know why we buy into this nonsense.

0

I have no idea what you are talking about. That happens to me often today in this world of constant texting and sudden invention of new words and terms. I'm still trying to get acquainted with the old words and terms with limited success.

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