Should a husband defend his wife against insults from his family?
Obviously input your own gender identities to answer the question.
For me it could be husband or wife
I had to laugh. My late partner needed no defense from anyone and, in fact, she would be upset if anyone spoke for her.
When she was dying she sent out word that she wanted lots of people around her but no prayers and no tears. Her brother and his wife had to pay for a special visa to come see her (they are Iranian living in Vancouver BC). He questioned her decision to end her life and the wife wouldn' stop crying. She sent them away after less than 2 days (she lost her ability to speak but she still was able to communicate).
She had a super quick wit and mouth and she could defend me much better than I could ever defend her.
I defend my significant other against all comers. If we are out in a social situation I will defend her even if I don't agree with her points. HOWEVER, in private we will discuss the points that I felt was uncomfortable and or unseemly. But never in public will I show a fractured front, MY BABY MAY NOT BE RIGHT ALL THE TIME BUT SHE IS ALRIGHT WITH ME ALL THE TIME.
When it comes to, "insults" i will let her tell me when to step in. The reason for that is that I speak seven languages and somethings are a little more inflammatory than others in translation, so I have to be careful and not get too excited. I happen to be very, very good with my verbal interaction and my hands, so I have to be careful.
I think the relationship between spouses needs to be above all other relatioinships. If you don't put your spouse first you are on the way out, IMHO. I had a disagreement with my former BIL. He is a bully and decided I wasn't pulling my weight. At the time the ex was in Korea, I was essentially a single parent of 3 small girls, the youngest a nursing infant. But when I asked the inlaws for help I was weak and needy. They replied "that's the way he is" and blew me off. The ex when he heard of it only said "he wasn't there, he couldn't judge." That is only part of the reaons he's now an ex.
Yes. No family member should insult your spouse or significant other. If they are pointing out that the person did something wrong by saying so respectfully, that is good. No one should insult another. When the spouse is wrong, the husband or wife should not knuckle under either and allow the spouse to insult the family. It goes both ways. I have seen it happen.
I am in the camp that a healthy couple should be united. When we don't agree, we take it offline and do not air any drama in public. That said, I know childhood patterns can be real tough to break and that those we grew up with possibly know more of our buttons than our SO does. I know I felt let down when my husband allowed his family to bully me. I also recall having to consciously pull back when my Mom tried to engage me, while my rightful place was beside him. It's easier said than done.
I wouldn't bring my significant other around family that insulted her. If I felt that the insults were merited, then I probably wouldn't be with that person for long then. Either way, I wouldn't allow for many conflicts. I try not to put people in uncomfortable situations, including myself.
It's purely circumstantial. Personally, I trust my family to be kind and courteous; if they were insulting my hypothetical wife, it would probably have got to the point where I was getting tired of her as well, given that I'm not exactly renowned for my patience.
Also, why not the other way round? If a husband should defend his wife, should a wife defend her husband? I'd expect honesty, but I'd also expect loyalty, to an extent. If I'm being targeted by my S/O's family, in an unjustified manner, I wouldn't take it lying down. I'd also want my wife to back me up.
There can be a lot of dynamics involved. My ex used to love to talk shit to and about my family. My family put up with it for a long time, but reached their limits. When members of my family stopped putting up with the abuse, my ex wanted me to jump all over them. I refused. If the spouse likes to put others down, but can't take it when people respond in kind, that's too bad. If you don't want people to treat you like an asshole don't act like an asshole. If any member of my family would have stared garbage unprovoked I would have jumped on them for it, but if they are responding to someone else's abuse that's a natural consequence. If you go out of your way to poke a bear, don't whine and Blame the bear after you've been mauled.
Yes. One should put his or her spouse ahead of family and defend them from insult or abuse. I suppose the exceptions to this rule would be if the spouse is being seriously wrong and unreasonable, or if the spouse has taken a side against one's offspring that could cause them harm.
My first husband was very passive in standing up for his beliefs regarding work and family. Lost respect for him when he cowered to his father and wouldn't stand vs discriination at his workplace. He rarely stood up for me-even to my own family
If my spouse were being insulted or attacked unjustly by her family, I would demand that they cease. If they were doing it in my home, I would give them the choice of stopping and apologizing, or leaving my home forthwith. If it were in their home, I would take my wife and walk out unless they stopped AND apologized. If in a public setting, I would berate them for their public incivility and demand an apology.
It really depends on what it was that person did.
My ex-boyfriend just got out of prison for having over 500 images of child porn on his computer. At one time his defense was going to be that it was my childrens' fault. When our house was raided at 6am by armed police, I essentially told him I was out of there and moved out shortly afterwords.
I'm a firm believer of taking responsibility for your actions. If you did something stupid and got busted, you're on your own. If it's opinion based, I'll defend you completely.
Now, if you're only talking about insults, for the most part I will agree. I have never cared for blanket statements as I firmly believe nothing is black and white.
No one needs to defend the significant other because it isn't anyone else's business who one is with.If the family is that shallow I would not honor them with our presence however once confronted I would let them know in no uncertain terms that I do not appreciate their comments and if they wish to see me in the future to stop it immediately. It would be appropriate o let them know about their short comings as well.