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How do you teach your teenagers ethics and values?

My teenagers live with their religious father and are all turning into good church-going believers. I don't want to push anything on them but I would like to present rational values to them so that as they face the challenges of life, they have other ideas to consider. Any resources you can suggest on teaching teens morals outside a religious structure?

Edited to add: I've been teaching them by example since they were little. Their dad is controlling, though, and they've been taught I'm a sinner who they shouldn't trust. I am sort of holding my breath to see how things work out when they become adults. I'd really like some resources to add to my example.

UpsideDownAgain 7 June 26
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49 comments (26 - 49)

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1

Critical thinking skills are the most important skills you can teach your children.

1

Books!!

1

From my experience it's best to be there and listen to their ideas. Tell them that you either agree or disagree and why. Treat their ideas with respect and dignity. Be there to discuss things that may be uncomfortable and don't judge. It paid off for me in the long run. I would guess that a lot of subjects are off limits with their father so be the one to come to.

gearl Level 8 June 26, 2019
1

Let them see what you do not hear what you say. As the old saying goes “what you do speaks so loudly I can’t hear what your saying.”

1

my oldest cat is over 17 and dying of cancer. i am trying to teach her not to lie in the little box looking as if she is going to die right away, but rather to eat and survive longer. but if i had human teens, i would not even THINK about religion as a possible way to teach "morals." what has religion got to do with morals, apart from PRETENDING that whatever its rules might be are moral and everyone else's religion's rules are not? rational values are being good because we're human, not being good because skydaddy will spank. you are their best resource; they don't need a guidebook or a rulebook. they need logic and compassion. lead by example, answer and ASK questions.

g

1

Lead by example. Same goes for parenting.

1

By telling them don't do as I do 😊

1

It has been my experience that you can provide examples both theoretical and practical, but the ultimate source of your child's moral and ethical system will that which they decide on for themselves.
My child was the product of two free thinking, liberal old hippies (one atheist and one pagan), he is a non smoking, teetotal slightly right wing atheist intellectual with powerful moral code and a generous disposition.

1

Emulate

1

As the living exemplar of those ethics and values.

0

Try to teach and show them by example and not by words alone because words are often lost in meaning with the younger ones, examples seem to stick in their minds.

0

This is so difficult for me, but they are teenagers and live with him. And you are an agnostic or atheist. I have a story to tell you about myself and this issue:

my mother's family has Jewish ancestry,suppose one of them decided to take the oath and be a Christian, as in live to fight another day.

was brought up in the Baptist church, so this is my story:

at age of 4 and they did that communion thing, in Protestant churches only on high holidays is it done, but the Catholics do it all day long:

Drink the blood and eat this flesh! so at age 4 and they did this to me: it made me sick to my stomach, at age 4, it disgusted me, and they made me do it, but always felt it was something that Cannibals did only.

Cannibals! One reason the Aztecs converted so easily to that religion.

you want me to drink blood and eat flesh, so pretend to do it, but would if I could spit it out into tissue, it make me sick

so at age 13, in Sunday school class and that preacher's wife said that if you are not baptized and I was not, had just refused to do it,so she said, looking at me,you will burn in hell for eternity!

so I raised my hand and said: are you telling me that a baby in Africa or China that does not know about Jesus and this Baptize thing they are damned for eternity?

Her answer: absolutely!

my response: as I stood up and got in her face and said if that is your god, then that is Magog, so ask the Romans what they did to Carthage since they worshiped Magog

why the Romans? when they found out that Carthage threw babies alive into the fire for Magog, then that is your god and I am leaving if that is your god!!

so The Romans salted the earth so nothing could thrive there ever again.

get how the word: CARTHAGE, has morph over the centuries?

I never believed it then and I for sure do not now, but have no trouble with Jesus, he was a man that was a true feminist and wanted us to resist those people and their laws! so no problem with Jesus the prophet:

but he was not YAHWAY BEN YAYWAY!! ( THE ACTUAL REPRESENTATION OF GOD ON EARTH).

all of the comments made were so kind, thoughtful and such empathy for you and your children.

I never went back to that church, but then I am peculiar and I knew at such an early age that something just smelled bad.

Wish I could leave you with a better response but you have/do love them and maybe just maybe one day they will know you always loved them, it may be years, who knows, but all that does matter is that you have always loved them and always will.

You are a woman of courage and have a heart of love!

I taught so many children brought up with this and what it did to them, so we talked and we talked. So as a teacher of science and history(which included teaching all the world's major religions and the real messages), even Confucius.

MESSAGE: BE KIND, CONSIDER OTHERS AND THEIR FEELINGS AND CAN YOU LEARN TO WALK IN ANOTHER PERSON'S SHOES AND LOVE AND NOT HATE AND BE TRUTHFUL!

You are their Message!

0

Continue loving them unconditionally as you probably already do. And by doing so proving that religion is not important enough to you to stop loving them no matter what their beliefs are because love is greater than religion. It's a tough road ahead you have my sympathy.

Nardi Level 7 June 28, 2019
0

You show them Trump and say this is not how you do it

lerlo Level 8 June 28, 2019
0

By the power of your example.

0

if they've been watching TV & exposed to the MSM since they were very young they'll unfortunately have a warped sense of worth & values.
good luck.

0

easy tell them and teach them right from wrong no threats and reward system

0

Ask them if they have ever view Bill Nye the Science Guy? Ask them to see his various YouTube and PBS videos now avaible about what science has proven! Be truthful god(s) will is only away to escape the blame for natural occurrences, accidental, and self inflicted harm not from some imaginary figure pushing buttons from beyond your consusness or actual reality!

0

All depends what is happening in their lives. You look and you talk about it, what can happen and the consequences.

0

I learned by observing nature and comparing that to human behavior.

0

Those are the only two things I need Jesus for.

0

Teach them that what they do may or may not have an impact on another person or group of people....and when their actions affect others, how that may be in a good way or bad way.....then ask them to think, how would they feel seeing another person either made happy by their actions, or hurt by their actions, or to imagine how they would feel if someone else acted in a manner they are considering

Most kids though probably have their moral compasses set before they reach their teenage years.....though it may not sometimes show through their actions, either because at that age they are reaching a rebellious stage, or because they're confused/anxious about changes they are going through at that age, or how they're dealing with their peers......not that those should be excuses for unethical behavior, but just keep in mind it's not necessarily a lack of ethical beliefs....that's all I got.

0

Yeah, you! Lead by example. Be very honest about everything. My daughter is also agnostic, even tho she lives with her VERY RELIGIOUS mother!

0

Start when they are first learning right from wrong

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