Today a man on Agnostic.com accused me of being abelist because he's in a wheelchair (discrimination against people with disabilities, especially physical disabilities.)
He peppered me with messages. He urged me to go to Colorado to meet him.
"Shared recreational activities are a bonding experience for couples," I replied. "That's why I want a fit man who also loves hiking." That set him off.
He lives 2,000 miles away in Colorado. I'm not going to drive 2,000 miles to meet a man for coffee! Then it's 2,000 miles back home.
"I'm sorry, but we live too far apart to develop a relationship," I wrote. "Give it a rest."
Why not accept a woman's "No, thanks" with grace and kindness instead?
It probably won't be the last. When I was single, I talked to a lot of single women(imagine that), and without fail they all had their horror stories about men who thought women owed them something. For some reason a lot of men think a woman owes him a date, just because he finds her attractive.
So I suppose there's not much chance of you driving across the Atlantic to Spain, then, is there?
Shame really, I would have enjoyed our coffee date before pointing you in the direction of the real, original, Sierra Nevada. (Or even the 2,700 feet high Sierra Cabrera, quarter of mile behind my seaside home.)
Still not tempted to drive here? Damn!!!
That's unreasonably entitled and an excessive accommodation request -- even though the distance from Seattle to Denver is actually "just" 1,305 miles.
As to why not be gracious and kind? Can't do it if you're an asshat.
If he's thinking at all coherently he might be trying to select for a sugar momma. Anyone who would actually come from that distance would fly themselves and almost certainly have more money than sense!
37 hour drive for coffee? That better be some damn good coffee. Gourmet at least. You know, that stuff made from bat pooh.
You spend the better part of 2 days to get to me, you're getting steak at least. And I'll do whatever it takes to make you regret leaving. In a good way.
I used to respond to everyone who messaged me because this feels like a small community, so it feels rude to ignore someone. But then you get into these uncomfortable situations... so now I simply don’t respond. Rude? Maybe. But I believe less rude than having to explain why you’re not interested.
Simple , because not everyone has the ability to behave with grace, or empathy, or common sense.
Somewhere in his mind, he must know that being in a wheelchair may be limiting when it comes to compatibilities with those he might want to date. And often, for all of us that are looking , distance is a very real obstacle.
That's the hard reality.
Ok agreed - it’s too far, and if you’re not interested that is absolutely your right and it requires no further explanation.
But maybe you didn’t have to say the bit about “shared recreational activities are a bonding experience” (which probably makes him feel excluded from what you deem to be an important experience) and that you want a “fit” and active partner. He can’t do anything about his disability and it’s kind of mean to point to it as a reason not to pursue a relationship. It’s especially unnecessary when you have another good reason (distance) to decline.