Today a man on Agnostic.com accused me of being abelist because he's in a wheelchair (discrimination against people with disabilities, especially physical disabilities.)
He peppered me with messages. He urged me to go to Colorado to meet him.
"Shared recreational activities are a bonding experience for couples," I replied. "That's why I want a fit man who also loves hiking." That set him off.
He lives 2,000 miles away in Colorado. I'm not going to drive 2,000 miles to meet a man for coffee! Then it's 2,000 miles back home.
"I'm sorry, but we live too far apart to develop a relationship," I wrote. "Give it a rest."
Why not accept a woman's "No, thanks" with grace and kindness instead?
It’s not the fact he’s in a wheelchair that is keeping him from finding a partner, I think it’s being unreasonable and wallowing in self -pity. If I travelled 2,000 miles for a coffee date I would be in Moscow or Helsinki!...and no, would not consider that a reasonable ask, regardless of whether a guy was able bodied or not!
Why would you drive? There's planes for distance dating. (Just sayin'.)
Why is this bothersome? We don't know anyone here. We're virtual strangers. If you don't like how he handled your decline, ignore him. Block him, whatever. That's the thing about the internet, it's the only place we're truly in charge of our surroundings.
2000 miles? Guilt you? Some people are too desperate and demanding (men and women) and that is a red flag for a future relationship. With that said, I think our taste or liking of a person is something absolutely personal and not even we can shape, it is like it is. Nobody is going to tell me that I have to accept someone because if not I am an abelist, a racist, prejudist or whatever. If I like this or that, there's only three people that can have a say on it, me, me and me...
I did that once, drove from Ohio to Oklahoma to meet a man in a wheelchair. He turned out to be very bitter about his situation and got very angry when I told him I lived in an upstairs apartment. It wasn't a complete waste of time. I had a nice drive with plenty of time to think.
On another site, I had a message from a man (who could be a smooth scammer) who lives in NYC. He is in his 30s. I told him his age and the distance are both problems and thanks, but no thanks. He wrote back saying age was no problem and we could arrange to meet. It irks me that he thought that I assumed age would be a problem for HIM, not me! It makes me regret being polite.
I warned people about finger-pointing over politics, and getting political over social interactions. It’s a dead giveaway of a lack of brain cells.
It’s kind of comical that a person makes the “ableist” assumption over being told that they want someone to hike with. Maybe he wasn’t just physically disabled, but he was a moron also? I would have to venture so!
It is what it is. Ive been ignored or rejected by every woman ive shown interest in on here so far. And yea it sucks. And ive wondered what the problem is. Is it my looks, is it my approach, is it something ive put in my profile. But i accept it and move on. Ive never even considered being a douchebag about it. Its not like thats gonna help anything. I don't think any woman is gonna be like oh, i wasnt interested at 1st but now that uve been rude, disrespectful, cussed me out, and called me names ive reconsidered and would love to drive 2000 to meet u and stroke ur ego.
No Matter if a Person is Handicapped, Male, Female, Of any Race, my Assessment is Easy:
Pushed into a Meet or Doing Something that is not part of Your Life
----> Must Be a NOGO.
...the results in the near-term or long-term, is never good.
If that person, or anyone else, persists in sending you emails(or any other means of connection):
I would suggest you Block(or use whatever is available by the service you two are using) to ensure
one thing: Permanently Never Hear nor Get Anything From the Person.
Finally, for the Female Members:
Follow Your Intution 100%. If You Trust It 100%, It'll Never Do Your Injustuce.
You have not discriminated against him in any way, shape, or form. However, my empathetic side says, "You know, she does post a lot of hiking pictures." Which is something that is in his face that he cannot do.
Rather than give you a hard time, he should have just blocked you. It's about managing his own feelings about being disabled, which it is apparent that he is not doing well. Kind of like a celebrity who refuses to read the news because they know anything negative effects them too much. It comes down to managing one's own world.