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How do you answer, "I want to know more about you"?

This message from men floors me. "What does he want to know?" I wonder. My personal history? The onus is on me to entertain him.

Yesterday I got that message from a man in Germany. "I suggest you focus on women in Germany," I replied.

Reminds me of my mother. "How are you really?" Mom repeatedly asked. Because I was born prematurely, Mom saw me as delicate, even as an adult.

"What do you want, my bowel movements?" I replied, amused, to sidestep the question.

LiterateHiker 9 Aug 18
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54 comments

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2

Hey i want know more about you!

@Williamcristiano

He lives in Germany. What's the point?

@LiterateHiker could be a friend! No harm in that

@GreatNani

Life is short. It's a waste of time.

@LiterateHiker hahaha i am kidding with you😂

@LiterateHiker That statement you just made to @GreatNani sounds like a riposte to Ashley Maddison's slogan! 😀😃

@Petter

Oooh, I love that you said "riposte." Good word choice. Talk to me, baby....

@LiterateHiker I love the vast vocabulary of English. On another thread here, I put forward the expression "Shog off", as used by Shakespeare.
Shog is to move with alacrity, so adding the off is, being polite, "begone".
I've used the expression since my late teens. It is an utterly innocuous, yet most concise way to convey one's feelings.

@LiterateHiker There are various people here with whom I would love a coffee date.

@Petter

Me, too. Dictionary.com sends me a word a day. Love language.

"What does that word mean?" my daughter asked. "Look it up," I replied. Then I relented and gave her a simple synonym.

"Why didn't you use the easy word instead?" Claire asked.

"Because I love the shade of meaning in the original word," I replied and laughed.

Claire rolled her eyes into the next state.

@LiterateHiker Tell her that words have subtly different meanings. I love being concise, rather than vague and therefore open to misinterpretation.
Even concise has a double requirement. It needs to be precise and also brief.

@LiterateHiker I've never bothered with "word of the day" websites. Sometimes, for fun, I read a dictionary, but most of the words I use I learned in my youth, from education and a voracious appetite for books.
I seldom read fiction, but I love fact and history, etc
Try looking up "pottle" and 'podher". It's a podher to fill a non-tamper pottle.

2

Lol guarded a bit? Its understandable to be so. Still it seems a fairly innocuous inquiry. Best case scenario, maybe he wants to be your friend..

@thinkwithme

Yesterday, the guy who asked lives in Germany. I blocked him when he wouldn't leave me alone.

@LiterateHiker I am Sorry to hear of Your Bad Experience... we us men should had learned by now how to take a hint and act correctly accordingly. You are a Catch... You are Attractive... a Beautiful Person... but You shouldn't be Harassed or Bothered by Any One and for No Reason.

@GipsyOfNewSpain

Thank you so much!

@LiterateHiker I wonder if it was the same German guy who messaged me.

2

I don't understand what all the fuss is about, that's an open ended question with basically unlimited answers. What it lacks in specificity it makes up for in opportunity. If you meet the guy on the internet, he's probably just at a loss for words or he doesn't want to accidentally offend you.

@Happy_Killbot

I refuse to type an autobiography for a guy who didn't read my profile.

@LiterateHiker Biography? What? No, just pick any one thing and say that, like what did you eat for breakfast, or what was the last news story you heard, or the last fun thing you did. Or ignore the request entirely and pick a topic you might want to talk to him about. Or try and guess a topic he might want to talk to you about. The fact that he didn't do any of those things means he probably a shmuck, but that doesn't mean you have to be rude.

@Happy_Killbot

The guy was from Germany. "I suggest you focus on women in Germany," I replied.

I was not rude.

@LiterateHiker None of this makes any sense. The distance, which I have to assume he was aware of because you were aware of it, means that either he is a shmuck or he has purely Platonic intentions. I guess I'm just going to have to trust your judgement.

1

I hate to seem contrarian, but I often say "please tell me more about yourself" to women on dating sites who have provided NO narrative. I provide a detailed narrative in each of my profiles, but many women provide only a photo, city, age, height; bare statistics.

One might ask: why contact a woman who provides such scant info? My answer is: why not? She isn't going to contact us - women don't do that (at least with me). And it's certainly her choice to provide that skeletal profile - if she only wants certain guys to contact her, the profile is the place to do that.

So, right or wrong, I often say "please tell me about yourself". It has to come before any meaningful chat can occur.

If I'm out of bounds with this behavior please tell me and I won't do it anymore.

@BitFlipper

I don't understand why many men don't read my profile. They just look at the photos.

I think in such cases, you’re fine with asking “tell me more about yourself.” It’s a pet peeve when folks don’t bother filling out their profile. I mean, it’s a dating site for F’s sake ... how am I supposed to learn about you? Lol.

My experience has been that a lot of men who write a minimal amount in their profile are actually scammers. 😟 So personally, what I do is to just pass on profiles like that. It saves a lot of time and aggravation.

1

I thought you and the flying physician were "an item".

@bigpawbullets

Nope. In addition to working full time as a medical doctor and taking call for other doctors, Bill is an obsessive, competitive bicycle rider. He rides 100-200 miles/week.

He also volunteers at a free clinic for low income people. Recently Bill took another job, flying search and rescue missions for the police.

"I have no spare time," Bill said. That's his choice.

@LiterateHiker Do not grieve for what might have been,his decision may one day come to haunt his choice.....

@Mike1947

I don't feel sad. All Bill wanted was sex, anyway.

1

This post is both curious and enlightening. In my early days of online dating i may have asked the same question. But what would happen if it was in person and not online? Say you met someone through a family member or mutual aquaintance. You don't know much about each other, but for whatever reason you find him attractive and somewhat interesting. So you agree to a date and the first thing he says is "i want to know more about you. Tell me about yourself". Would it still be off putting?

@Tucsongirl1 i have been asked the same type of question by women many timee and i just look at it as a light conversation starter. I never thought of it that way though. Guess it is a broad question! And with all the perils of online dating i can see why a more specific question would be preferred

@Tucsongirl1 I have done a lot of online dating and I have heard that question from woman many times before. I also just think it is a conversation starter and I start rattling on about where I live, my job, my pets, my hobbies, etc.. It often leads to a nice conversation about things we have in common and we both learn more about each other. I guess I have had a lot of practice and am ready with some responses.

1

yes ask them what hey would like to know because more than likely they will be at a loss of what to ask you and a good come back I will tell you when the time is right if we get that far

@RoyMillar

My favorite comeback is from George Carlin. "Hey, how are u today?" is the lamest message I get from too many guys.

"Not unwell, thank you," I reply. crickets

With a reply like that it does not lead into an answer to continue the conversation along those lines ,so he must change the subject

6

It's a fast, easy, and lazy way of pretending to start a conversation without actually making any effort to personalize the approach. And, yes, it does place all the burden on the respondent so a sarcastic or disinterested reply is completely justified.

I recommend sarcasm, it's the most fun.

@Sgt_Spanky

Exactly. Well said.

2

Being somewhat familiar with your style of writing from this site, I can't imagine that you didn't already share a fair amount of description about yourself, so the suitor should have had a more specific question, if he was truly curious about something in particular.

It was likely just his "line" though not a very good one. Your reply was to the point. You're not interested in a relationship with someone outside your geographic range.

Assuming this exchange was through a dating site, I suppose he just wanted to start a conversation or flirt with you for online jollies, since meeting in real life would be unlikely.

There are some friend/dating apps that don't offer much space to describe oneself, so if someone were to ask for more information, it would be an opportunity to add more criteria and not waste anyone's time. But the question should be a bit more narrowly focused on what the person wants to know, leading the conversation in some direction.

@Julie808

Read my profile and look at my photos.

Men say I did a great job of describing myself and what I love to do with clarity, humor and fun.

@LiterateHiker that is what I was thinking. Did they not read my/your profile? If that is the case, they are too lazy for a serious answer or the time spent discussing anything.

1

If a guy wants to know more, they should ask the specific questions and not vague crap!

@Mofo1953

Exactly. Well said.

I was born in 1953, too.

@LiterateHiker year of the snake in the Chinese astrology, but don't fret because the snake is wise in Chinese lore..

1

It's quite possible he was intrigued by your bio & posts, and was being genuine in his attempt to find out more about you. I don't see anything wrong with asking that question, maybe you should change your bio to read "not interested in conversation".

@HughJassell

I love conversation and laughter! Idiotic messages I often get from guys:

  1. How are u today?

  2. I want to know more about you.

Instead show you read my profile.

@LiterateHiker Exactly!!! So many men are so lazy on dating apps!

1

Must be from the same man that contacted me. He was a person of very few words but was ever so interested in me.

My experience with guys like that on dating apps is that they're scammers. It seems to be their modus operandi.

@nomorechristian Yes, I definitely think he was/is a scammer. Well he was certainly wasting his time with me.

3

Try answering "Such as my bank and PIN number?"
The reaction will indicate whether the person is worth cultivating.

Haha, that would be a great way to diffuse the awkwardness and get them to ask something more specific.

5

I think that is a question people ask when they are not sure what to say. Nerves maybe? If they read your bio there are usually good opening topics in there. The man I am currently seeing now did such a great job with that. Really read my bio and asked great questions. Your mom is another story 🙂)

In my opinion he wanted to begin a friendly conversation 😉

5

As a compulsive oversharer, I'm more likely to get a frantic waving of hands followed by "TELL ME LESS! TELL ME LESS!"

Ha ha, same

5

I mean I guess that's better than what I often get, which is
"hey"
Wtf am I supposed to do with that?? At least put some effort into reading my profile and trying to connect with something I've written 🙄

Remi Level 7 Aug 18, 2019

I hate that and also “Hey, Cutie!”

1

Women also say this. I ask, "for what purpose?" It is just a technique they use to keep the conversation going.

1

How do you answer, "I want to know more about you"?

"Call me on the telephone so we can chat like real human beings, please."

I HATE robotic, always out of sync text with a deep, seething passion.

Another great choice. I prefer it as well.

1

If you truly want to know more start with the accurate composer of your questions and if you don't do that we are done.

You must have meant "composition"

2

In my experience , that question is often from someone who has not written his own bio. , or it's very short and ambiguous . He does not want to share a conversation , he wants you to do all of it .

Hear, hear!

2

When a woman from far away replies i simply wish her well. What the hell was she thinking I muse? When I get like from female far away and simply just wander what was going through their heads. I often think they just want ANY attention, not my type.

As far as bowel movements I only discussed that with my X-wife in the case of medical concerns. Not a very hot topic, GOOD MOVE!
See what I did there!

Both! All or nothing, goddammit! "Yea, tho we walking through the Shadow of the Valley of Death we will fear NO evil, for you and I are the BADDEST muthafuckers in the Valley... right, @DeniseNycee?

1

A question like that is usually followed by several questions, what makes you laugh etc. in general romantic type questions to promote romantic thoughts?

5

I always answer, "what would you like to know? Ask me anything. The worst thing I can do is tell you it's none if your business."

Granted, that may not be the most successful comeback considering I am still single.

3

Questions generally tell you more about someone than answers. If that's the best he can do, a clear signal to move on.

3

My answer is, "what do you want to know?" And then I don't hear back. Oh well.

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