Tonight I am meeting a new man for dinner. Dave is a fit, 65-year-old rock climber and hiker who lives nearby. Sounds good, right?
I'm underwhelmed.
He posted 20 year-old photos on Fitness Singles. False advertising. "I haven't looked at those photos in a long time" was his excuse.
"I won't recognize you because you posted old photos," I told him.
So, last night Dave sent the second photo taken last July while climbing Prusick Peak, WA. With bright light behind him, his face is dark and hard to see.
Why do people post old photos? When we meet, I immediately see them as a liar.
Photos:
His main photo on Fitness Singles is over 20 years old.
Climbing Prusick Peak, WA in July 2019. This is a great photo because he look happy, fit and in his element, doing what he loves.
Here is a selfie. Kinda old pic, my hair is a bit different now. I enjoy floating and travel with family
A few months before that...
If a man did this to a woman, he'd be flayed and then burned at the stake. I think posting his picture is in really bad taste. You could have made your valid point without personally shaming him.
I don't think so. I have seen a guy on this site posting nude or nearly nude selfies women sent him in private in a "classy sexy" group here, I am guessing without their consent or knowledge, and he was not flayed for it.
To be certain that you are honest with Dave, you need to tell him about how you rub yourself off in the dental chair.
That doesn't seem like 1st date or pre first date talk... perhaps once they start having sex or sharing fantasies >.>
I have one question, if he seems like, he is not being honest, why are you meeting him?
I'm meeting Dave to give him a chance. He lives close, is fit and loves hiking and climbing.
Three quarters of American men are obese or overweight (60% of women).
Finding a fit, single man in his 60s- who wants a relationship- and still loves hiking is like looking for a needle in a haystack.
@LiterateHiker I hear that. I’m also frustrated by the assumption that being overweight means you cannot be fit. I’m in the “about average” category and zip by the men who require “slender” or “athletic and toned.” I’m much more into hiking, skiing and camping than my many of my slender friends.
@LiterateHiker
I agree with all you say. I'm a very youthful 57 years old. Guys my age look much older and are couch potatoes. They don't care about their health, physique and outdoor active life. ... and I'm fussy so hear where you're coming from.
Still looks pretty good to me - though clearly not 65. I expect faces to age - but I look at the shape they're in, as it tells so much !
Seems one of the main reasons for dated photos, is that some aren't secure enough with how they look now, and strive to lure someone in with a better version of themselves. But if they plan on actually meeting people in person, this ploy can backfire big time ! They don't seem to get that.
I once met good sounding guy. I waited in my car, and he drove by, obviously recognizing me and slowing down - but I didn't know who he was ?? We got out and talked a few minutes, and I asked him what was going on ? Turns out, he had used a picture of his grown SON ! In person, he looked pretty worn, and rather unhealthy. I was frustrated by the whole thing, and told him so. Wasted time. Bye.
Yikes.
Oh, I don't know. My now-wife's first picture sent to me was a good 10 years old. But she hasn't proven to be untruthful whatsoever. She was, and is, insecure about her appearance. Her social media photos are always the ones that have her in the ideal light and angle; for awhile, it was one that was professionally airbrushed. She'd neither untruthful nor vain in any other respect. It's a compartmentalized thing; it has never bothered me.
I think sometimes people do this with dating profiles because they feel like they get prejudged and never have a chance to present themselves. In other words the process is fundamentally broken. A similar phenomenon exists in interviewing for IT positions; the laundry list of qualifications are so often wildly unrealistic that it's implicitly understood by all applicants that everybody lies through their teeth because no one can possibly literally meet the stated qualifications.
I think women should get more of a free pass here than men, as society is particularly unfair and hard on them meeting arbitrary appearance demands. But even with men, if they're willing to meet you as-is, it's a small transgression in my view. I'd have to see WAY more of a pattern in a suitor to question their integrity and character.
"You can't judge a book by its cover." Go meet him. He hasn't changed that much since. Maybe you could be impressed by his joy of life, his spirit, his sense of humor, etc. etc.
My photos are 2 years old and I should update them. I feel insulted when I meet someone whose pictures are obviously deceptive, and I see no advantage in treating anyone else that way.
That being said, it's hard for me to sympathize with those of you who were born good-looking. You've benefited from that all your lives. The rest of us have to live with being passed-over continually.
My rule is: I will meet any woman who wants to meet me. I know how it feels to be rejected just for failing to be beautiful.
You are a good looking man. Why are you hiding your teeth?
Every man I met with closed-lip photos had horrid teeth: missing teeth, black, broken, grey, yellow, snaggletooth, infected gums and/or breath that stank of rotten meat. Ugh.
I cannot imagine kissing that. Show your pearly whites!
Women (and men) think a nice smile = healthy mouth = great kisser.
@LiterateHiker I'm stunned by your compliment. And I wish I had a toothy smile, but when I try to smile that way it just looks fake. Since I read your suggestion here I've been trying to think of a way to get a picture of myself with a warm inviting grin, and I'll try to enlist someone to help me do that. Thank you.
You're welcome.
Turn your back to the camera, whirl around and grin at the person holding the camera. Click. This adds energy to your photos. It's so amusing, it made me laugh.
That's what I did in these photos. See what I mean?
@LiterateHiker awwww that's cute! The second one made me laugh. You know, I've taken photography classes and I've never heard that trick before.
Don't know why people deceive with yesteryear's photos. That's not fair to anyone having meaningful communication with intent to meet. Last photo pretty much sums him up. Good luck. Holding thumbs.
Sounds like attractive and athletic is of importance to you as it is to many people. Did not hear about his religious views. I Haven't been looking for relationships other than shared good times for 50 years so I'm not an expert on this but I don't think I could have a meaningful and successful intimate relationship without commonality in critical thought, Humanism and non religious views. I do wish you success and hope you find happiness with your new friend.
Yes I agree. The attraction and athleticism may secure that spark and lead to good sex but it is not the key to a good lasting long relationship. It is typically people with shared values and ideologies with good communication skills that have the longest lasting relationships. But alas, humans are still lizard/crow brained and we choose beauty over substance and end up paying for it down the line. XD
Yes, definitely a bad sign. First impressions are nearly always right.
He doesn’t seem to have changed much if there’s supposed to be 20 year difference in the two photos. Even his hair is virtually the same...!
"Fiend"? I know. I don't like long hair on men.
@LiterateHiker sorry...don’t know what happened to my fingers when I typed that! . Have rectified my post!
Posted an old photo? what was it taken with a Kodak brownie?
On his dating profile, the first photo is over 20 years old.
@LiterateHiker yes, that's not right, best of luck.
@LiterateHiker, @Bobsuruncle You can still get film for a Polaroid also.
Why are you even meeting him?
@1of5
I'm meeting Dave to give him a chance. He lives close, is fit and loves hiking and climbing.
Three quarters of American men are obese or overweight, and 60% of women.
Finding a fit, single man in his 60s- who wants a relationship- and still loves hiking is like looking for a needle in a haystack.
@LiterateHiker so you don't trust guys who post old photos of themselves, yet will give this one a chance because he checks off your primary boxes. Gotcha.
I'm betting he puts his keys in your coffee table artwork.
Based on this & your previous post, looks are important to you. You are attractive so I would think I understand where you are coming from. However, from a distance it sounds shallow to me.
Here's what usually happens:
I arrive early, dressed nicely to honor the occasion. "Kathleen!" I hear. Turning, I recognize no one. My "hot date" suddenly gained 50 lbs. and aged 10 years.
Immediately I see him as a liar.
@LiterateHiker I hear your question. It's also not so bright on his side. If he tries to scam you on his looks for you to open the door, what's next. Guess I need to update my Sunday School picture.
Good for you!
Character is more important than appearance. My first husband looked like a Troll doll. Tim was brilliant, fun and hilarious.
That said, I am not attracted to rolls of fat. Ugh.
Online dating site. Pictures 1-2 years old. I am smiling. Good teeth (twice a year to the dentist). Close up pictures and full body pictures. In good shape. I bike, hike and see the gym two-three times a week for upper body work out. I used to be a runner Not anymore. I play softball in the Texas summer. I am educated. I am smart (not the same as being educated). Not a couch potato. Not much luck. I want what I just wrote as well as being liberal and atheist.
Whose fault? Mine. I own it. There is something that is unattractive about me. I have always been shy and not too talkative, but I have worked on those over the years.
As Linda Ronstadt said, "Poor, poor pitiful me."
Because humans are shallow creatures and to be given a second glimpse/consideration it is about looks first and who one is as a person second. Hence why photoshopping and editing one's pics or using filters and lots of makeup or taking professional photos are common.
If you get photos like that second one, send them to me. I'll use Picture Publisher to re-balance the tone on his face and then send it back, "warts and all".
Thanks for the hint. I'll remember that if you don't mind
@TimeOutForMe My pleasure. It gives me an excuse to play with my software. I used to publish magazines, but now I'm retired.
Hahaa I had posted a short poem I wrote regarding The On Line Dating Blues. My understanding is that some women do this too. We are who we are and if you misinform or misguide someone the minute they meet you the gig is up. It makes no sense.
Would love to read your poem. Will you please post it as a reply?
Looking through your posts, I could not find it.
@LiterateHiker Here you go. I had posted it in Wordsmith Group.
I just need a little humor today and thought I'd post this which I wrote a few years ago when online dating seemed to be a possibility.
I walk in the café, I am here to meet Mr. Big: I’ve seen his photo I will know him in a heartbeat; brown wavy hair, 6’2’, abs of steel!
But wait, who is that guy approaching me? 5’5’, beer gut, ………….he speaks, “Hey there. I’m Big”
“BIG” I scream but………….but………………but………………..
“Sorry Babe – old photo”
So I sang this song
I was dismayed, I was confused, I missed the clues
And now I have those gut wrenching, mind bending
On Line Dating Blues
He belched a lot
He smelled like booze
He grunted words
These were my clues………….that now I’m living those
On Line Dating Blues
Hilarious poem! Love your sense of humor.
Very apt.
@LiterateHiker Thank you. I often thought that a one woman show based on online dating could be fairly funny
@Bobsuruncle There’s men’s body shape wear now also.
@Bobsuruncle A friend of mine once said, “It’s not what you’ve got that matters, it’s what you do with what you’ve got.
Second photo appears ok.... is that his recent one?
The second photo was taken in July 2019 while climbing Prusick Peak.
It's a great photo because he looks happy, fit and in his element, doing what he loves.
@LiterateHiker
Looks like could be your type!
Failure to show himself in not a good sign low self esteem is my guess however, he could be the best thing since sliced bread-only one way to tell...meet him and see if he click's. Give us the scoop later.