Have you seen the Chevy commercial where the woman says, "my dream car would have ALL of these", and the guy says, "what if I told you there was a car that DID have all of these features?" I went over the list of six and realized I actually qualified in every category, plus I count a seventh, and that is when you've accepted aloneness as a natural condition and are not intending to make any changes to that condition.

Thank you for posting this, sometimes I like being alone but sometimes feeling so alone is crushing. I have made a real effort to make friends, connecting with old friends and making some new ones. It takes a lot of effort but I find it is worth it. I have also found that working on self improvement really helps with that feeling. If you are well read and very smart sometimes people do not get your jokes or puns. But if you are willing to listen I find I can find common ground with most people.

I'm a garage door repairman, so for my job I get out in to all parts of the city to work in peoples houses. I'm always amazed at the endless stretches of homes occupied by people who married and started families and a part of me occasionally wonders if I'd be happier if I had been one of them.

I sometimes have to remind myself that their lifestyle as opposed to mine amounts to six of one and a half dozen of the other. Yes, they have a home and a family to go back to at night after a hard days work, but while they're in over their heads in shitty diapers and college savings funds, I'm off having fun and seeing exotic parts of the world.

The marriage and family thing will never be in the cards for me, and that's ok. I decided a long time ago that it was an opportunity for me to enjoy the type of lifestyle which your typical married guy can only dream about.

I get married dudes all the time who want to hear stories about my adventures in places like Thailand and Costa Rica. How was your latest trip, buddy? Did you meet a woman? Who was she? What does she look like? Show me a picture! Wow! She's really hott! I'll bet she was a lot of fun. Damn! My wife hasn't had sex with me in weeks!

Everybody feels lonely on occasion. It's a part of the human condition. The trick is to remind yourself that if you're single, you're really no worse off in that regard than someone who isn't. Use your single status to your advantage. Society will try to convince you that being single is some sort of disorder. It's not.

Literate Hiker, I empathize. Since my divorce I have been teaching in remote communities. Four years I taught in a small rural town in southern Colorado. The people were nice, but all were deeply involved with their church activities and/or their families. There was no one my age or like-minded to hang with.

Two years ago I took a job teaching Science on the Navajo Reservation. I live in the housing compound associated with the school. That unfortunately is no help. 60% of the houses are unoccupied. Those that are occupied belong to primarily Native families which pretty much keep to themselves. They come home, go inside and do not go outside until time for work the next morning. I'm only 12 miles from town, but can't afford time or time or finances to go in every day.

Except for the decade I was married, I've generally done things on my own. But there are times when the lack of compsnionship or someone to talk to does weigh upon a bofy. Espescially like you, I am highly intelligent and love a good conversation.

Hang in there.

4 & 5

I could have written this except for the highly intelligent part. but i think you learn something from everyone if you really listen.
my husband passed away and its really made life very stressful.
i fill my days up but thats just what i am doing .......filling the time up.
no family here in AMERICA and i dream of going home but immediate family has passed away.
so i just make myself go out and try to enjoy

Thank you for your honesty and listing the types of loneliness. It’s nice to know at least in some sense that you’re not alone in your loneliness. I appreciated the line "My intensity is too much for some people," I’ve said this to some of my close friends about myself. 2 & 4

This is a great, thought provoking post! I had never really thought that there were different types of loneliness. Nor did I ever realize how many of us are lonely. It is nice to know that there are other people out there that feel the same way I do. I would say I fall under #1 and #2 mostly. @literatehiker you seem like a very interesting person to know. I enjoyed reading your profile. Where does one go to get an IQ test? I have never done one. For all I know, I could be smarter than Einstein. LOL. I highly doubt that though. I hate math!

I enjoyed your bio and this thread and relate to a lot of it. Sometimes I miss physical closeness, but dealing with people is such an attachment oriented affair. I am NOT in the mood for dealing with selfish conservatives so most Okies are off-limits.

Mostly 2 and 6 for me. I've always felt like an outsider and like I'm on the periphery of a social group, even among my close friends. Hell, most of my primary group of friends only met each other because of me, most of our social activities take place at my house, and I still feel like I exist only on the fringes

Are there any Mensa groups nearby? Art classes? Museums needing volunteers? Ask if you can mentor younger people.

I've been through most of these in the last 8 years. I'm a 4 now. I've used my extrovertedness to break away from some aspects of feeling lonely, but it's just been a long act I've been putting on since I was in highschool.
Am I tired of the act? Not yet.
Am I hopeful I'll find like-minded friends and sexual partners? Yes...hopefully sooner than later.

I have begun to realize that when I'm not able to be "myself" in front of the people that surround me, it ends up taking a toll in other places in my life. Right now I'm in a place where I can't commit to most romantic relationships, and it's because I don't feel entirely fulfilled being committed to someone who differs so much from who I really am. For good or bad, I've found myself very polyamorous and non-committal. However, this is far from my personal dream of raising a large family one day. I feel lost, in a crazy cycle. Thanks for your question. It made me think about...me. I just realized I'm not making any efforts to address what I need in life.

I empathize with your situation. Unfortunately, people think I'm much of the time.

I am absolutely enamored with this post. I'll contemplate it on my way home. -Ron

Was married 27 years. She hid being an alcoholic for 15. The lsdt 3 she refused any source of help and it became clear many of our problems were caused by her making opportunities to drink or being under the influence. So now I am 47, atheist, non smoker, no drugs, and not super liberal. I stay busy during the week. But there is a big whole in my life and weekends are hard. Dating is hard because I have only ever known one woman and I don't know how much of what I liked or wanted was based on lies.

When I tied regular dating sites - id meet a nice girl (this happened at least about a dozen times) and everything was going well a few of them had fallen hard for me very soon and we were soo happy - but the subject of religion had never come up? When it finally did and I told them I don't believe in god? they dumped me like I had the plague - the hypocrites? They don't even follow their own religious rules? but the fact that I don't believe in god? was a reason to end a potentially really great relationship = its such a stupid reason to not want to date someone that might be a awesome partner or maybe even ur soulmate - ready to give up

I have often felt as you so ably describe... I would say I suffer from all 6 types of loneliness on a bad day... Fortunately most of my days are good tho I live in a very isolated place, so it’s just as well ....

I am 65, live alone (since 1998) with my cat, dog, mustang horse and donkey, am permanently single by choice, and I have learned to truly enjoy my separateness from others. There are times, however, when I do hunger for intellectual stimulation/interaction and a gay community since I live a fairly reclusive life in the country, in Texas, where it is very republiCon, and very bible belt. Fortunately, there are places like this website where one may interact for some intellectual play.

I've been divorced since October 2016 after 33 years of marriage. We actually separated in 2014. I'd be lying if I said I never get lonely (I do) but as an introvert, the solitude is not so bad for me. So, #1 applies to me, as does #4. That's one reason I'm on this site--to interact with other intelligent people, as I find non-theists to be (in general) more intelligent than religious people. Of course there are always exceptions, and I enjoy debate with those people. I work with people all day, so when I come home it's fine to just interact with my daughter (or both daughters, if it's my turn to have the youngest with me). I'm learning to enjoy the solitude, and though I would like to have a relationship at some point, I'm OK by myself.

I've got 1, 5 in spades, and being a 20+ year southern state expat a touch of 3.
I stumbled into a community that gives me just enough purpose and emotional satisfaction that I'm mostly ok with my solitude, for now anyway. Attempting to slowly rebuild my life after the shock of 5.

This post needs a more well thought out reply and I can provide. It is great though.

My cats help. I accept resposibility for for my lonliness (sort of, at certain moments). There are, and were, choices being made. I also accept I'd rather hang with myself, than with people I'm, at best, neutral about. But it would be nice to have 2 or 3 close friends, and a circle of 5 or 6 more casual ones.

I find it interesting that you feel lonely having I high IQ I have felt the same way in the past. Very often people find me too intense and accuse me of using words they don't understand and seeing things from too complex of a view point. Often I have had to dumby down my language and content in speeches and discussions. Being hyper aware of the world around you comes at a price that price is that you often feel alone.

For me several things have helped. The first is to find what you love to do for me that is farming it is a challenge both mental and physically. Second is to learn to use the awareness and intellect to take in as much of the world around you as you can, I have learned to do this to the point where I live my life in a near state of amazement; really hard to find time to be lonely in that state. Third is to involve yourself in social justice within your community it is one of the places where your intelligence and awareness can be put to good use. Politics does not feel this need for me although I have involved myself in it several times; I find that there are too many game players involved in it.

For me the biggest thing has been to involve myself in the National Farmers Union here I have found many other kindred spirits. Not only do we share interests in farming but also that drive for great social justice. The other thing is that most are also extremely intelligent there are Ph.D's and many who are also members of Mensa. It would be useful for you to find to find something similar where you live.

High intelligence is not always valued in our society it often leaves people feeling uncomfortable with you because you are capable of higher levels of thinking and take in information quicker, more effiecently and are able to process and recall it more accurately and completely. Others do not like to be reminded of their failings.

Longing for intimacy is very human but, that seems to be a lot harder to find as we age but, that does not mean we need to be lonely.

1, 2 & 4 for me. 2 & 4 being the cause of 1.

I'm comfortable in my personal lifestyle, I enjoy my own company, & my material needs are met... BUT...I don’t fit in here in the culture where I'm living.

Upon retirement, I moved to a Republican-dominated, church-going farm-town with a largely married population, for the safty and affordablity of it. I grew up and spent most of my years living in a resort area where the world and all it's culture was at our doorway, and the population was living the "Salt-life".

Even though all my basic needs are met, I feel a lack of "connection" both personaly and intellectually.

The marches and demonstrations that I have joined and organized myself have been born out of my own pure passion for the issues themselves, and not done as an effort to make connection, but I have found that there is also a secondary benifit from it because of it being fulfulling to find others that are on the same page.
This does bring a certain amount of social connection, and it makes no difference the status and partnership status of the people that are being interacted with. The friendships are precious.

On an intellectual level, I have been divorced for 20 years. I have filled the void by throwing my self into child-rearing and work. Giving myself no time to stop for any other needs that I may have had. I've coped by crowding out the time to have anything else that I might have missed.

One can only do that for so long. The children grew up, and left home. I became unable to still perform my job. I can still find many things to do when I am at home, but every so often, there are times when I would jusy like to have someone there if I picked up the phone to call them, or had someone to share a meal, or a cosy evening. It could be nice to have someone that I feel close enough to come over and snuggle up under the covers beside me with open options for activities if I pick up a book to read it on a rainy day.

Five out of six...#6 is still pending! And in'78 I've scored 145,retested two years later with same result.my cure for loneliness is walking meditation,TM,nature walk or stroll next to any body of water,bigger-better.MUSIC!Tried dating site! What a joke! But I'm optimist and constantly try to have my radar on,what can be an issue in this modern Rome!Soon to retire,or at least scale down,I'm checking local volunteering posts to find something challenging or boring.I'm naturalized citizen and thinking of moving on,this social structure and government is ...