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God hates porn?

By VictoriaNotes
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136 comments

48

Why don't Baptists make love standing up?
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They don't want God to think they're dancing.

ImmortalVegan Level 4 Mar 24, 2018
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Hahahaha

30

The world is his porn hub! *Look over there... ooooh, look over there... oh yeah, look at those two go for it...god loves porn!

pepperjones Level 8 Mar 24, 2018
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porn hub? never heard of it lol

22

“Keep God in your sex life.” 😂

bi_heathen97 Level 6 May 3, 2018
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Lol -- I remember being told in church that there were always 3 in the marriage bed, so you better behave. They didn't even realize they were making their god out to be a voyeur.

@VictoriaNotes Yeah, I've always thought that was creepy. Like, Christians don't believe in threesomes unless it's with Jesus.

I also have had friends who prayed for god to be with them when they were having sex so that they would keep it pure and not have impure thoughts during it.

@bi_heathen97 That's truly sad and disturbing.

@bi_heathen97 That has to be the worst porn EVER!

@bi_heathen97 But the impure thoughts are half the fun !

@bi_heathen97 That is weird!

19

I have to say that the very notion of an omnipresent peep show divinity is hilarious.

ASTRALMAX Level 7 Mar 24, 2018
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19

This hypothetical God hypothetically made sex AND sex drive. "He" programmed most men to be easily stimulated by visual imagery. I wonder why "he" set men up to sin like that. Hmm...

MikeInBatonRouge Level 7 Mar 24, 2018
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Answer: Because God hates Men! smile009.gif

@irascible He's not sexist, he sends us all to hell

@djvj311 lol!

God damn it I'm so horny all the time. Sorry God, didn't mean to blaspheme over how you made me.

@JustChris I think God needs to check out the variety of porn available online. Every weirdo has a choice nowadays.

Yes, Mike, but it's a two-way street. Ever see a female macaque in heat. She parades herself with raised rump in front of the nearing group of males and they act like college kids at a football game when their team scores a touchdown. Human ladies are menstrual, but the rest of the mammal world is estival. That's even worse.

16

I work in Child Protection. I have met many parents who rape their children. Amazing how many pedophiles are pillars of their fundamentalist churches.

SKH78 Level 7 Apr 22, 2018
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I’m not remotely surprised.

According to several sources, online porn is in BIG demand in the Bible Belt South and the state of Utah, filled with Mormons. My, my.

Word!

13

I once had a porn site, and had it set up so I could see where the people who where using it were from and what pages they looked at. Was surprised to see so many from the Vatican.

Beatnik Level 6 May 15, 2018
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Curious to know if the Vaticanites have a particular preference/fetish.

@Bjy001 Thst was many years ago. I don't remember. I would expect the same as everyone. Lesbians.

13

I mean if I created procreation of the penis and the vagina, I might be offended when people stick it everywhere else, but it'd be my own damn fault for giving them free will, sexuality, creativity and orgasms.

cvccosplay Level 6 Apr 25, 2018
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It'd be your fault for making them multi input compatible. You need to go back to the drawing board. Don't blame us. Ya shoulda thought of that the first time around Ms. Supposedly Omniscient Deity! Any merely mortal engineer these days could have solved that one for chrissakes!

Edited
13

if god created everything, then he created porn too, like he must have seen every porn movie ever made ???? hes so omnipotent ?

magicwatch Level 7 Apr 24, 2018
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13

"God" loves porn. His fragile ego needs the constant "oh god..oh god...oh god"

RobertSmith Level 5 Mar 24, 2018
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13

If god didn't like it he could stop it....

NoahLusions Level 5 Mar 24, 2018
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Oh silly @NoahLusions, he doesn't stop it, because.....well, God works in mysterious ways.

He created us this way (sick), but gave us free will, so they would have you believe.

13

That must be what makes those religious nit wits so twitchy. LOL

silverotter11 Level 8 Mar 24, 2018
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LOL

Those religious nitwits are so twitchy because of the severe suppression of sexuality ... and their twitchyness comes out - just look at the christian family values dudes like Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, Ted Haggard, Larry Craig and all the other christian men who get caught with their pants down.

13

He/she/it is responsible for sex throughout the ages, the disciples have been fucking us over, in his/hers/its name, since the dawn of time smile001.gif

ipdg77 Level 8 Mar 24, 2018
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13

No God, No Hate - Know God, Know Hate

ImmortalVegan Level 4 Mar 24, 2018
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11

Tell god to go do something important like giving trump a fucken STROKE!

busterboy Level 5 May 9, 2018
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I was good a making Rump the first astronaut to Mars.

11

The porn industry makes a fortune from so called good christian folk.lol

Sheumais Level 4 Apr 22, 2018
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Public denial and private indulgence will do that!

11

Yeah. "God" also hates homosexuality, infidelity, jealousy, people who wear mixed fabrics, people who do things on Sunday, and people who accept blood transfusions. "God" hates a lot of things, or rather Christians hate them and imprint that hatred onto this theoretical all-powerful God.

ErichZannIII Level 7 Mar 24, 2018
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Oh, also people who eat the wrong kind of fruit.
#lol

Also hates people who eat lobster and shellfish, women who are suspected of not being virgins, women who get raped and fail to scream for help, men who go into the same house as their wives when their wives are in state of "uncleanness" .... what have I left out?

11

As a holy man, I actually blessed masturbation.

JadedSage Level 4 Mar 24, 2018
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Not much of a story, just an explanation. To my knowledge, to bless something means to take what used to be considered bad, and recognize it as now being considered good. Masturbation used to be considered a sin, but it has wellness benefits, so it must be good. Therefore, I blessed it.

@Katastrophe1969 @FurNFeatherMama are you sure? Masturbation blessings stories are better told behind closed doors smile009.gif

Oh, y'all wanna know about the ceremony. There wasn't one. Should we have one?

@JadedSage if thats the case i should be the healthiest man ever!

11

Come to think of it,I was taught in Catholic school that he does see all.

sloryd Level 7 Mar 24, 2018
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@Katastrophe1969 No wonder I felt so sinful back then!

10

It's the only way He can overcome His impotence. smile009.gif

irascible Level 8 Mar 24, 2018
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9

I am not so sure that evangelicals are that opposed to porn. I mean they aren't vocal about it. But I recall someone who was born again and again giving in to lustful feelings periodically or should I say frequently. Each time she did, she went back to a bible meeting and got saved again. As I recall when the PTL (aka Jim and Tammie Baker) was still going, they advocated that sexual activity was healthy and that christians should be partaking of it. Of course Jim ended up taking too much of his own advice.

lbusche Level 7 Mar 24, 2018
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Every evangelical I ever visited had at least one porn tape in the back if the vcr cabinet. And, usually, in a kid's movie cover. I made a habit of placing them in their "donation" box that they kept by the front door.

@Bierbasstard That is too funny. Why didn't I ever think of that

@lbusche I went to a wedding down in Va (my gf was cousin of the bride and photographer), this little isolated town right near Richmond. The Mayor/church leader ran the only gas station with a little video rental spot in the corner. They wouldn't let us sleep in a guest bedroom because that would be an "abomination before the lord" so we chose to sleep on the floor in the basement family room. I found a bunch above mentioned items in their "collection".

I found some wedding gift wrap and wrapped a few of them up and put a tag that said, "to be watched together on your wedding night".

There's so much more to this story that would make you feel queasy. They were very inhospitable. Mind you, I looked like the long hair pic of me at the time but damn... Lol

Yes, Rev. Jim Bakker enjoyed Jessica Hawn, after slipping a mickey into her drink to "persuade" her to give him pleasure. He also had other woman. Do as I say, not as I do, if you do as I do, I'll punish you!

8

Wonder why he created it if he does not like it?

Marine Level 8 Apr 25, 2018
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For procreation only, not enjoyment. God created sex organs for reproduction. Satan made it feel good. As per my Southern Baptist upbringing.

8

and have you seen some of the flowers he has come up with?

btroje Level 8 Mar 24, 2018
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obscene!

8

Wow - this gives a new significance to the second coming! Ewww, Pat Robertson and Jimmy Swaggert doing the deed - together? You know, it just occured to me that God committed suicide - maybe he can create porn so bad, even he doesn't want to watch it.

jeffy Level 7 Mar 24, 2018
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What's white and flies across the sky?

The Cumming Of The Lord.

(I thought this was hilarious when I was 13.)

Always have sex like someone is watching... it makes you better!! Lol

@pepperjones I never thought of that

god committing suicide - i like the theory ... & then he/she/it gets punished for this mortal (!) sin in eternal purgatory or what?

@walklightly Just had a stray thought - just before I read this post, it occurred to me the crucifixion was fundamentally a suicide. So my twisted mind synthesized God watching porn with an alternative motive - other than he died for our sins. Basically, he couldn't stand us anymore and wanted to get the fuck out? Seems more plausible smile001.gif.

7

God created everything and hates so much of it? Sounds like a classic case of self hating deity. Sad.

mjcunningham Level 3 Aug 10, 2018
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Yep

He seems to love himself and hate everything else from flicking through the Old Testament

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