@paul1967 It is just that sex itself is rather absurd really. I'm not saying I don't enjoy sex or like my body or that those who I've had sex with think I'm inept. It's just that we are so obsessed with this bizarre mating ritual that's way better in between one's ears than it really objectively is ... in fact we're the only species that considers it recreational more than procreational and have so much ego invested in being skilled at something that actually requires zero talent. People congratulate a woman on getting pregnant and my inner thought is, "congratulations, you've figured out how to have sex -- so what?"

And then we create for ourselves this all-powerful, all-knowing being and actually imagine that it would care how or when or with whom we engage in sex. That it would be incensed if we do it wrong or maybe pruriently interested that we do it at all. That god wouldn't have much bigger fish to fry. That if he DID look, he wouldn't find it pathetic and amusing.

I'm simply willing to admit god would find me having sex hilarious. I was being polite in not suggesting that he'd be equally amused at ANYONE engaging in it.

@mordant I appreciate your reply, and I agree with most of what you said, and please don't take this as an insult because I'm an off the wall kind of guy myself, but that reply was a bit random. I was replying to @VictoriaNotes willingness to open up to something most women find embarrassing. I rarely see that in people, and it gave me a measure of enjoyment. However, despite that, I found your thoughts about humanities vision of Gods proclivities towards sexuality, fascinating, and I appreciate your willingness to use self-deprecating humor to make your point.

That's a good one!

Baptists don't recognize each other in liquor stores or adult book stores.

@VictoriaNotes Yeah, I've always thought that was creepy. Like, Christians don't believe in threesomes unless it's with Jesus.

I also have had friends who prayed for god to be with them when they were having sex so that they would keep it pure and not have impure thoughts during it.

@irascible He's not sexist, he sends us all to hell

God damn it I'm so horny all the time. Sorry God, didn't mean to blaspheme over how you made me.

@JustChris I think God needs to check out the variety of porn available online. Every weirdo has a choice nowadays.

Yes, Mike, but it's a two-way street. Ever see a female macaque in heat. She parades herself with raised rump in front of the nearing group of males and they act like college kids at a football game when their team scores a touchdown. Human ladies are menstrual, but the rest of the mammal world is estival. That's even worse.

According to several sources, online porn is in BIG demand in the Bible Belt South and the state of Utah, filled with Mormons. My, my.

Word!

It'd be your fault for making them multi input compatible. You need to go back to the drawing board. Don't blame us. Ya shoulda thought of that the first time around Ms. Supposedly Omniscient Deity! Any merely mortal engineer these days could have solved that one for chrissakes!

Those religious nitwits are so twitchy because of the severe suppression of sexuality ... and their twitchyness comes out - just look at the christian family values dudes like Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, Ted Haggard, Larry Craig and all the other christian men who get caught with their pants down.

I was good a making Rump the first astronaut to Mars.

Public denial and private indulgence will do that!

Not much of a story, just an explanation. To my knowledge, to bless something means to take what used to be considered bad, and recognize it as now being considered good. Masturbation used to be considered a sin, but it has wellness benefits, so it must be good. Therefore, I blessed it.

@Katastrophe1969 @FurNFeatherMama are you sure? Masturbation blessings stories are better told behind closed doors

Oh, y'all wanna know about the ceremony. There wasn't one. Should we have one?

@Bierbasstard That is too funny. Why didn't I ever think of that

Yes, Rev. Jim Bakker enjoyed Jessica Hawn, after slipping a mickey into her drink to "persuade" her to give him pleasure. He also had other woman. Do as I say, not as I do, if you do as I do, I'll punish you!

Yep

For procreation only, not enjoyment. God created sex organs for reproduction. Satan made it feel good. As per my Southern Baptist upbringing.

obscene!

What's white and flies across the sky?

The Cumming Of The Lord.

(I thought this was hilarious when I was 13.)

@pepperjones I never thought of that

god committing suicide - i like the theory ... & then he/she/it gets punished for this mortal (!) sin in eternal purgatory or what?

@walklightly Just had a stray thought - just before I read this post, it occurred to me the crucifixion was fundamentally a suicide. So my twisted mind synthesized God watching porn with an alternative motive - other than he died for our sins. Basically, he couldn't stand us anymore and wanted to get the fuck out? Seems more plausible .

I actually went to school with a woman who couldn't enjoy sex because of that image...god looking down on her in such an awful position.

@LucyLoohoo I hope it was her dream to enter a convent.

I certainly wouldn't want to see ME in that position. I'm well aware of what I look like from behind.

@Paul4747 Okay, her on top. LOL

@Diogenes I'm good with that.

@actofdog I used to have a dog who liked to watch. Genuinely CREEPY to look over and see Lulu, looking back!

But wait...who was it that got in trouble for spilling seed? Onan?

I've been told Jehovah prefers incest porn...
Shiva prefers interracial porn...
The Flying Spaghetti Monster prefers food porn...
Cthuhlu prefers torture porn...
All depends on the god...