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Dating religious people

Have you had a rough time dating due to the fact that so many people are religious? If you have, tell me a short story about your experiences. I've often kept my Atheism a secret to date or see a woman. Have you had to hide this too? Are you now openly Atheist and only looking to date other Atheists?

mr_elliott 3 Apr 24
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12

When I became atheist, my first wife left me and divorced me. After a period of recovery, I dated quite a few ladies. It was usually on the first date that I would bring up the topic of religion, and ask what their stance was. Then I would tell them that I was an atheist. That would most often be the end of it. Then I found a very nice atheist. We married, and are living happily ever after. 🙂

7

I went on a first date with a woman I knew through work, and through Toastmasters. Over dinner, having the usual "getting to know you" conversation, I told her that I was an athiest. She seemed to take it in stride. After dinner, we were in the parking lot of the restaurant, having that awkward moment of "what do we do now?"; shake hands, hug, first kiss? She looked me straight in the eye and said, "Sorry, but I don't do athiests." I replied, "Well, I haven't asked you to 'do' me yet, but I appreciate your honesty. How do you feel about giving an athiest a hug?" We exchanged a friendly hug, and went our separate ways. On Monday, I found a card on my desk. She felt terrible about how she ended it. She was thrilled when I asked her out. (I was a lot better look looking back then.) But she wanted a partner who she didn't have to "drag to church every Sunday". I assured her it was all good, that I was way too heavy for her to be able to drag me anywhere, and we remain friends to this day. This incident did, however, makes it clear how important it is to get core values, including religion, or lack thereof, out there, preferable before the first date.
One reason I joined this site was to possibly connect with like-minded women. Unfortunately, the Big Island of Hawaii ain't all that big. Being over 60, and athiest, means your dating pool is more of a puddle. But I'd rather be happily single, with a wealth of wonderful friends, than partnered with someone who has Jesus as their personal trainer, or whatever.

Ludo Level 7 Apr 24, 2020

like your attitude, i agree. what is it about believing for women? the christian religion(actually all abrahamic religions) have denigrated women forever. i wonder if it is akin to "liking the bad boy"

7

I was tired of dating religious men, so as soon as I started dating someone I would tell them straight up that I am an atheist. So that weeded the ones that didn't like it. I found this site on Facebook and joined and found my fiancee. The stories of dating religious men were a disaster! I was married to one for 13 years and I was forced to go to church every Sunday.

7

The moment anyone said to me that I, or our children came in second to their imaginary friend, I could hold no respect for them and could never trust them to be a reliable parent or a partner.

6

As an atheist since age 13, I never hid my atheism. Friends love me for who I am.

Men I date don't care about my non-belief. If someone tries to convert me, I'm out. On dating websites, I am clear about being an atheist.

That said, two controlling Christians met me to try to convert me. "Martin Luther said there are no atheists!" one man said triumphantly, as if that settled the matter. I laughed.

"I don't CARE what a Catholic monk said 400 years ago," I replied and stood up. "I don't want to argue with you. I"m leaving. Thanks for lunch. Goodbye."

Exit stage left.

You said, "My friends love me for who I am."

I've been saying something similar for awhile, "My friends love me in spite of myself!" Ha ha. 😀

6

I'll date religious guys if they are super hot. And not for LTR. That's it.

5

I couldn't date anyone who is religious--no matter the type of religion. If they believed in some generic god that doesn't involve itself in human affairs (ie deism) and left it at that, that would not be a deal breaker.

hello joanne, would love to visit with you about history(if christians actually knew anything about it there might be far fewer of them) it absolutely amazes me how many people sincerely believe in ideas they are totally ignorant about. i have always enjoyed history but have leaned toward more modern(past couple of centuries), past two years have been working on ancient history and religion(pretty intertwined) and have found it fascinating

@ron52mayflower I majored in history in college; but my more recent interests have been elsewhere. However, I am currently reading "The Founding Myth" by Andrew L. Seidel. I don't know if you have heard about it, but it deals with the false history, Christian myth, that the US was founded on Judeo-Christian principles.

i think i've heard the title but not familiar with it. i'm in the middle of heaven and hell(bart e.) and just finished forged by same, yes, the idea that we were founded as christian nation is very widespread, when it was actually founded as freedom OF religion by a number of deists. although you wouldn;t know it by many of our ancestors(puritans,witchburners, and other upright christians) if christians actually knew they were the ISIS of the world for 1500 to 1600 hundred years. lucky us who now live in what i call soft christianity where so many believe in believing( we no longer get burned at the stake!!!

5

Let's see, if you are talking about serious/long term relationship then yes. For instance, I have two deal breakers when I look for man to date: smoking (cigarettes) and religion. The minimum I would accept is someone at least non religious.
When I am single, I don't search for an interesting man out of a crowd. I will only start looking at a guy with interest to date, if he shows some sort of indifference to religion (and of course no cigarette).

In my opinion, if atheism is strong for you and you are constantly avoiding religion and that sort of thing, you should not get involved with a woman that credit god as a positive answer.

Now, if you just want some fun and nothing serious, then I would prioritize other qualities such as fun, sexy, hygiene, good conversation (that doesn't involve religion) etc.

I can handle the rest of his family being religious, but from my partner, I can not stand god getting credit over science, my success, safety and health..

5

I think dating anyone is rough and the older you get the rougher it can be, the checklist tends to get so long by that stage in your life that it is very hard to connect with the right person. That said I also think it helps to be open and honest about being an atheist, at least you will be attracting the right sort of person and not wasting your time with someone who believes and thinks that they can change you.
I have been happily married to an atheist for 24 years now, an excommunicated Catholic priest helped us tie the knot.

5

I don't care for dates.So I coat my Christians with garlic and butter sauce!

Treatng them like oysters, are you? 😉

P.S. I prefer figs rather than dates myself.

4

I'm an out of the closet atheist and not going back in!

I think atheists are such a minority that we are limiting our prospects severely if we reject out of hand someone religious. All it takes is mutual respect and mutual tolerance to make a relationship work. I'm not saying that is easy. But it can be rewarding. Unfortunately, tolerance is in short supply.

I definitely agree we should keep our options open . To think all believers are not acceptable is preposterous .

4

It's not religion that was the difficulty for me finding a life partner... It was actually the quality of men in general I encountered. My bf, and the father of my kid (s) is Catholic but not a practicing one. We don't "do" religion.

3

I've been married for about 25 years to a believer. Having said that the last time she went to church was about 10 years ago and there is nothing she hates worse than some of her friends ragging on her for not going. I doubt she'll ever admit that she is a non-believer but that's OK. It amounts to the same thing. I would not have dated any type of fundamentalist even 30 years ago.

gearl Level 8 Apr 25, 2020
3

I tried dating a born-again Christian, which was tedious. (I've told this story here before - he explained that premarital sex was wrong <i>while we were having sex.</i>

I tried dating a Muslim; that was a disaster.

I tried going on dating sites as an out-and-proud atheist, and my inbox practically overflowed! There, I found my husband. ❤

I wish, I get the feeling my inbox stays empty because I am out about my atheism

@TaylorWalston this could be the reason, yes. It's no secret that atheist men outnumber atheist women. Even in my circle of friends, the women are far more reluctant to use the term.

@AmyTheBruce I forgot to tag myself on one dating app. Had a wonderful first date and she dropped the god bomb enough in the discussion I felt compelled to say , umm.. here is where I am... She was not mean about it, but her ex had been agnostic and mean about it and she wanted a believer. And I get that, but its disheartening all the same.

I have had responses of cute "except for the atheist part". And even joking I keep it in my back pocket does not help.

I hate it, because while I am careful and protect myself in the dating expectations.. a bum date does not bother me near as much as the lack of viable prospects in the immediate future.

@TaylorWalston Really?! You'd rather have a bad date than no prospects at all?

I find it interesting that women felt compelled to tell you what the deal-breaker was ("... except for the atheist part." ) as though saying that would....what? Cause you to rethink it? Throw you into a chasm of self-reflection?

I was similarly puzzled when men would contact me saying that I was perfect "except for the smoking" (which I see is a deal-breaker for you as well). But...why did they even bother to contact me then? I didn't understand it then, and I don't understand it now.

@AmyTheBruce gosh no.. I think what I said is I expect bad dates, I just hate not having a larger visible pool of dates. I eventually get one, but over time its a bit depressing. Especially when I put out front what my hard no's are.

I am asthmatic, a little, but smoking is a big trigger.

My son is a drug addict and I just don't want that conversation of am I, or am I not, or being disappointed to be in the picture.

Alcohol is not as big a deal, by my ex was an alcoholic, so it has to be used "responsibly".

The except for the atheist part I thought was funny.. I did joke back in case it was a let me think about it, but no reply ever came. But nah, no self reflection.

On the smoking point, yeah, I don't get why someone would reach out. My ex smoked in high school, and when we got serious that was my first request.. Almost 30 years later when she figures we are heading for a divorce anyhow, she started smoking again. The pain of getting someone to quit doing something they really want to do.. I don't know why people invite that into their lives.

@TaylorWalston You seem like a reasonable guy. 🙂 I hope that you have better luck here than you have elsewhere.

3

I tried dating a religious man and at first he was okay with my non-belief, but about 6 months into the relationship he started, at first subtly, making comments about how great it was to believe in his religion, etc. Next it was to just trying reading his holy book and see what it's about. Finally he started trying to tell me how to dress, how to live, etc. and that was the end. Broke my heart. After that I would not date anyone actively involved in a religion...it was fine if they were indifferent to religion. My husband does not believe in any religion or god, he says he's spiritual. It's never been a conflict in our 19 year relationship. His family is a different story. They are very religious and make little passive aggressive comments. 99% of the time I just ignore their bullshit, but there's that 1% that will totally piss me off. Before the lockdown we were visiting and one of his sisters stated his 90 year Mother was concerned that he might not believe in god. Really?! I actually used to be good friends with her, but after the crap she has said and done, I have no use for her anymore.

3

I do not care to even be around someone who is actively proselytizing! But if they can be respectful (meaning, QUIET!) about their beliefs, I can do the same. I am never about changing someone, never have been.

3

I responded like this in a previous similar question that has since been deleted: it depends what you mean by "dating." I won't marry a christian but I will definitely fuck them.

3

I am picky. The reason that I am picky is that I do not wish to waste my time with delusionals as dates.

I establish the other person's views on "the God question" before I would even contemplate going on a date with them.

It does not matter to me how sexy they look, religion always gives me brewer's droop.

@VeronikaAnnJ That figures. 🙂

That is pretty much my take. The guy only becomes date quality to me once I know he does not attribute and credit God for things. That is when I get interested in getting to know him more.

2

As an anti-theist I could never date a religious woman. I couldn't even have a close friend who was religious. I could never take their opinions seriously as long as they believe in invisible sky fairies

2

I don't talk about religion unless she brings it up. At this point I would just happy to have company for dinner.

2

Hello. Yes it is difficult to find guys I am attracted to that are atheist. In my experience, minority men have a much higher proportion of religious among their demographics than white people. I have chosen not to hide it and be explicit about it in my profile. To which I have to point to when religious men message me. And it has lead to debates about how not all religious are X way or have X values, all the way to debating the existence of god/souls. heh

But the more non-religious I have clicked on and messaged the more non-religious members the site gears me towards. Because when one of my filters was non-religious, Only a handful of men popped up for some reason. heh

2

I have been on two dates with religious women. One was my prom date. I went with her family to go pick up her prom dress. We had dinner that night and her mom told me of the time she visited Heaven and danced with Jesus. Not figuratively. LITERALLY just popped up to Heaven and danced the hokey-pokey with the J-Man himself.

The second one in the middle of dinner, she stated (with a smile on her face) "I don't hate gay people, but I understand why people do."

Neither one lasted.

@Dyl1983 Yep. Apparently he was a good dancer too!

@HydroDillema Oh, he was definitely ripped to the max. Apparently there's a lost version of the scripture where his last words were "at least I'll die with abs you can grate cheese on!"

Wasn't as catchy.

2

Every woman I dated said they were religious, yet they only went to church when it was convenient if at all.
Most women that know me, can't believe that I could not believe in their God when they find out that I do not believe.

2

I would probably not date a religious person. I wouldn't keep my Atheism a secret in order to date.

2

Dating someone Christian is pretty much off the table for me...would not want to spend valuable time debating the God issue. Add to that having to hear the usual condesending "I will pray for you" is an instant deal breaker.

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