It's good that you were able to put him at ease somewhat with your promise to consider his wish to return to the faith. But I can imagine that you might feel that is a backward step, since you are building your own faith in science, humanity, reality, what-have-you, on top of the foundation of religion you were perhaps raised with.

This is a bit like where many of are, having said goodbye to the parents who raised us, but are building our own lives, more true to our own aims in life and we do need to be true to ourselves, in addition to (or sometimes in spite of) the values our parents give us.

Don't feel guilty for living the life you choose for yourself, with one ear/eye to the past and one ear/eye to the future.

Sorry for your loss. I have attended some deaths. I have arranged the funerals for both my parents, a child ,and several other friends and relatives. Some have died in my arms or holding my hand. My advise would be to remember 1. "Funerals are for the Living". 2. There is nothing wrong with consoling a wounded or dying person most times it's best to tell them everything will be ok or tell them something to make his or her emotions feel better. We have nothing to prove at the end. Truth is not that critical. Make them happy as you can. 3. Be sure to ask for help if you don't think you're strong enough on your own, there is no shame in asking for assistance. 4. You don't have to have all the answers. Sometimes the last word is not in words. 5. Grief is normal but different for everyone. Grief is not the same in every loss. Try to understand your grief don't deny or fear your grief. As you understand you will overcome or move on. (refer to #3) If you have no one you can talk to, write it down. (We will listen here)

Sorry for your loss. That’s quite a predicament to be in. I’ve never had to deal with something like that, but I would try not to lose any sleep over it. I don’t know your father but it seems like his wishes were for your best interest from his perspective. You never promised anything other than considering it. It seems like you are by posting here at least. Follow your heart and do what you think is best. Good luck.

You did a great job stepping up to the plate and doing so much. Condolences on your loss. I regret not being involved in my father's funeral. Some cousin took over and I did nothing but show up. It was too religious. As my son said afterward, "if Pop-Pop had a god, it was FDR, not what was preached."

Teddy, so sorry for your loss, it is very painful to lose a parent. In addition, you were pressured to make promises that played onto a child's desire for parental approval, plus you had to go along with all the religious rituals surrounding the funeral. It could be that by telling him you would consider what he said, you gave him the hope that you would someday return. This most likely gave him some measure of comfort, as did your promise to take care of your mom. It is my hope for you that you do not feel guilty and that the pain subsides over time.
I am not a fan of religious rituals but when my own religious father died suddenly 15 years ago, I found the Jewish custom of "sitting shiva" to be surprisingly helpful. For those unfamiliar, it consists of one week, after the burial, of family and friends coming to the house to bring food, offer condolences and reminisce about the person who died. The first week without him was particularly hard and having all these distractions and hearing all the stories really helped to numb the initial pain.
At the actual burial, there was a big outpouring of grief when we threw handfuls of soil onto the grave. Suddenly, my father's best friend grabbed my hand, put it on the casket and literally made me swear on my father's grave that I would send my children to yeshiva (one of my dad's wishes). It was dramatic and surreal. I was pretty weirded out at the time but it did not affect my school choices and I have no guilt about living life on my own terms.

I think that when you're dead, you're dead and that promises are only valid to the living because the dead don't know or care. I'm expecting to face the same type of issue with my mother and I'll happily promise her anything while she's dying to make her happy but feel no oblogation to keep that promise after she passes. Not that it is necessarily relevant but even the xtian marriage vows are "till death".

I have little contact with my three siblings, for different reasons in each case, so I have no confidence or interest in having any of them involved in my plans for end of life or memorial service. I have that all arranged and planned with two of my closest friends being in charge and having all of the legal power to do so.

My Mother just passed at the end of February. Grief is a long term thing, especially with the parents. I still go to call my Mom every day... . So Sorry for your loss.

We live and often die with addictions to artifice and the irrational fears supporting them.

When immanent death makes it obvious that escape is no longer possible, feeding an addiction is often the only comforting alternative left.

Who hasn't known or heard about a friend or relative turning off the oxygen to puff away on a cigarette? What about the alcoholic ordered off the stuff by doctors who drinks 'in the closet'? Possibility for emancipation dies first, making a 'better example' futile.

Sometimes all we have left is to get them that pack of smokes, toast them with a shared belt and 'praise the Lord'.

sorry for your loss.

I have not been in that situation but sometimes people don't get their dying wish. And with how we believe (and science points very clearly to) there is no afterlife. So honestly he won't know if you ignore that one little request.