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Do you think the guy should always make the first step and why?

I'm totally curious to know what people think about that? And what it entails if you want to give more details

By Ampho4
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18 comments

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0

I don’t think they should, but they freak a little if they don’t ?

1

I like a man that is sure of himself. I like a man that takes charge.

1

I feel like I always end up making the first move. I don't know if that scares guys or what, but life is short. I usually start with a no pressure let's just go do something fun type of thing that doesn't sound like a date. I'm also really comfortable having male friends so perhaps that weirds them out too.
The older I get the more I feel like dating is like negotiating a high stakes deal. Why does it have to be this hard? Are strong women who don't like to waste time really that scary?

Remi Level 7 Apr 7, 2018
1

I'm of a certain age where it's ingrained in my upbringing that nice girls don't make the first move. Therefore, I depend on the guy to make the first move, initiate a call, a text, etc. I am pretty shy and reserved, and generally don't flirt with someone I'm actually interested in. Just raised that way.

Julie808 Level 7 Apr 7, 2018
1

I don't think always, it would depend on the person... I generally prefer it when they guy makes the first move, although I have done it once or twice

JaciBea Level 7 Apr 7, 2018
1

I don't think that way & have been known to make the first move. Usually asking if he'd like to go for coffee, lunch, something of thst nature.

I also normally don't recognize when a guy is flirting with me. I just figure he's being nice unless he makes his interest blatantly apparent.

1

I wonder if there is a generational difference? I was raised that nice girls don’t make the first move. Nice girls don’t phone boys. Obviously, there is nuance involved in conveying interest in someone. I think women generally are better at that than men are? You can tell me I’m wrong.

That's how I was raised... nice girls don't phone boys, etc. It's so ingrained in me that even with a longtime boyfriend, I only phoned in emergencies, never just to say hi.

1

That's the way we're programmed.
Psychologically, we have scripts for gender roles.

However, in traditional models, the male's job is to approach. That's his role, but it's a woman's job to express interest in being approached. It's a subtler job, and many women have issues with this. Two mistakes they make is to make the "first move" which is making the approach and making themselves more attractive for a particular male. The problem with the last one is it doesn't necessarily make her more approachable and it attracts unwanted attention from other males.

Many men say they want the woman to make the first move, but I don't think they understand that we are wired to follow these scripts, and being approached can cause problems since it is abnormal. When this happens, it subconsciously registers as a red flag. We think she's desperate, kniving, or "loose," JUST FROM THIS FIRST SIGNAL.

I think when men say this, they mean they want women to express interest in being approached, meaning they want eye contact, glances, maybe a tacit smile, expressions of approval or encouragement.

Some of this is well-known, but I slipped my opinions in there too. I could be wrong.

Phyphrus Level 5 Apr 7, 2018

In noticing my comment is the odd one out. But sexual scripts are well established. However, it's also well established that androgynous behaviours are viewed as more attractive, so there's an inherent contradiction.

In case I didn't make myself clear, I could be wrong, but I don't think I am.

I think there are gender influences in how we approach life but I'm not sure that we are 'wired' to decide who should approach who. I feel that is 99% social conditioning.

0

That question starting to average twice a week.

2

I don't think he should have to, but I think a lot of times it's expected.

1

Should is a confining term and I think both sexes have to endure more than enough of that. What ever is comfortable for the individual. Some people are more domineering or outgoing and some shy or, in my preference alluring and waiting for a bite. ?
But if I am strongly drawn to someone I don’t hesitate to make the first move to avoid missing an opportunity.

2

No that's old-fashioned bullshit

0

Guys should not always make the first move. If someone wnats something, they should strive for it.

Nikonian Level 5 Apr 7, 2018
0

No not neccesarily, I'm really crap at it so appreciate a woman being a bit more pro-active. Truth be known a woman being very very obvious is handy as I'm really crap at spotting this kind of stuff smile001.gif

ipdg77 Level 8 Apr 7, 2018
2

I usually make the first move, but I'm a little aggressive. (In a positive way.)

2

I don't think so. I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say I don't prefer them to "go first", because I do. Like @Wildflower said...we don't like rejection either!
But I have no problem just saying hi and smiling and letting a guy know I'd welcome conversation.

Good. You're attitude is soothing for chickenshits like me. Carry On!

3

I don't think a guy should have to make the first step whether you're talking about a dating site, in person, or for sex. But women are afraid of rejection just as men are.

4

People should do whatever they feel like.

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